


What if I really lose you

by Feenaa



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Cheating, Childhood Friends, Cuddling & Snuggling, Doctors & Physicians, F/M, Heart Attacks, Heartbreaking, Hospitals, M/M, Married Couple, Medical Conditions, Men Crying, Suicide Attempt, no one dies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-25
Updated: 2017-12-11
Packaged: 2019-02-06 13:38:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 62,001
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12818718
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Feenaa/pseuds/Feenaa
Summary: When you think you are doing the right thing, but it turns out to be your worst nightmare,When you love someone more than youself but you can't stay with ,When you keep hurting the one you love but all you want to do is just love him,When sacrificing your happiness just to keep your love alive.





	1. Chasing cars- snow patrol

It was the forth day on the raw that Harry couldn't sleep well, he might be luckier those previous days to sleep couple of hours a day, but this night was a different story, he couldn't sleep a minute, not the fatigue he experienced was the problem, he always go to gem to clear his mind and kill himself there, but he didn't exhaust himself today, Zayn felt something wrong and didn't push any further, it was the right decision according to what happened after, and Harry promised Zayn that he will tell Louis about his condition, but he didn't ,and he won't anytime soon.

Things was Harry felt that Louis has changed recently, he was hiding something and that was driving Harry crazy, he couldn’t think of anything other than cheating, he was sure that Louis was cheating on him, there was no other explanation, he wad different, shut himself down, hardly talking to Harry, hardly spending anytime with him, and Harry asked, like millions of times but he got no relieving answers, and it was suffocating Harry, he was panicking, and he didn't know what to think or how to think, Louis was not only his husband but he was the love of his life since he was 16, loosing him now after four years marriage and nine years of love is disaster, and every second Harry thinks of it he cause himself a chest pain.

Harry was lying on his bed, he came home late last night, after that episode that happened in front of Zayn, Zayn insisted not to leave his side except when he was sure that Harry was ok, and he wasn't , but he had to lie , he didn't like to warn any one about him, specially not Zayn, his lifetime best friend,

when he got home, Louis was already there on bed reading, and when he saw Harry from the room door he closed his book, wished Harry a goodnight, Harry was heart broken but as usual he said nothing, he was too tired for talking anyway, he just took his shower and hop on bed to sleep, which didn't happen. He looked beside him, Louis was sleeping, he didn't sound calm, his face was not restless, the same look he used to have a month ago, Harry wanted to wake him up to ask him to stay and talk together like they used to be, but he couldn't, they both had a work to do early morning, it was not fair to wake him up and concern him with his insomnia.

When Harry sat right to leave the bed, he felt the world spinning around, he leaned on the night stand beside him to gain his balance back, it used to happen recently, and it happened early at the gem, he didn’t want to freak out, he knew the reason, overthinking was killing him, he was all stressed and full of anxious, he knew once he calm himself, he will be ok, he left his bed really slowly, not to wake Louis, or wake his dizziness spells, he washed his face and decided to drink some coffee, he decided to start his day earlier or maybe end the day later .

On the kitchen table, Harry sat on his favourite chair drinking his coffee, he remembered when he was younger, he never loved it, he hated the taste and the smell, but it all changed when he met Louis, he introduced him to the coffee world, and now he considers himself an expert on all kinds of coffee all over the world.

“ you are up?” it was four hours later, when Louis showed up on the kitchen.

Harry looked at him and tried his best to sound normal , to hide the pain in his chest, the headache, the exhausted eyes , he smiled

“ morning Lou"

Louis moved toward the coffee maker and poured two cups, when he turned to face Harry he saw an empty cup in front

“ k already had your coffee?” Harry smiled but took the cup anyway, he didn't care about his stomach objection, it was his forth in these couple hours, and God knows how much he took since yesterday.

Louis sat beside him, he looked at him for a second, and Harry knew that Louis could read him very well, he could see the bloodshot eyes, and the frown on his brows

He sighed “ since when you are up?”

Harry didn't answer, he hated lying to Louis no matter what, instead, he started drink his coffee.

“Harry, what’s wrong?” it didn't come like he wished, it sounded harsh, and they both hated it.

“ I’m fine" he simply answered

“ no you are not, you look like you haven't slept since ages" Harry sighed, he didn't want to talk right now about this, he feels poorly, dizzy, his chest hurts which reminds him of his inhaler,

“ would you please stop it" louis looked at him , Harry left his chair and moved to the kitchen drawers , he opened one looking for his inhaler, it was a long ago since he last used it , he doesn't know where it was , or if he filled his prescription.

“ are you avoiding me or something?” louis asked like he lost his patience, and no, this is not happening, he didn't get the right to be angry at him, he won't let Louis act this way

“ are you kidding me now?” He shouted and it hurts, it hurt everything, his head, his chest, and most important, his brain, he wasn't ready now, he got a lot of things to say, but not now his mind wasn't arranged, and he knew that it wouldn't be the right words he wished to say,

Louis was not completely shocked, he knew Harry was loosing his patience, but he also didn't know how to confess what was happening with him, he knew it will hurt Harry, he hid things, and that what always drive Harry crazy, he hated to do this to his partner, but this time it was different, he couldn't do anything other than that, but he knew he has to tell him, and he has to tell him right now

“ I am avoiding you? Really!!”

Louis sighed, Harry moved back to stand in front of Louis , and here it goes, he was pissed off, and he was going to face Louis, even if he wasn't ready

“ it has been a month, a month Lou, and you say nothing to me, we are not talking, we are not seeing each other, we are not even sleeping together anymore, please"

Louis didn't know how to start, Harry was angry and he knew this, he was ready for this, he started it and it was his fault, and he has to face Harry now,

“ I know..” and there was a pause. Harry looked at him waiting for any further explanations , but Louis remained silent, trying to put the right words together so he hurt Harry as minimum as he could

“ well good for you" harry scoffed.

“ Harry, listen to me, there was something"

Harry stared at Louis eyes full of dread, he didn't know what to expect, Louis was right here, trying to explain something that Harry spent days figuring it out by himself, he was scared of what was coming, and right now he felt the air left his lung, not his asthma but something was happening

“ please, sit" Louis begged, he even grabbed his hand and guided him to sit by him, Harry let him, he got no power left, and any second now, he might collapse,

“ there was something happening with me lately, and I didn't... I didn't know how to tell you" Louis's hand was shaking on Harry's, Harry noticed, but he couldn't break the eye contact with his partner,

Louis continued “ I was scared of you reaction, and it took me long to figure out how to tell you"

“ please just do" Harry literally whispered , he pressed Louis hand to make a mental note to himself that this was happening.

Louis looked at Harry's eyes, then he broke the contact , he looked down, and there was tears falling on Harry's hand

“ Lou? Please, you are scaring me" Louis nodded “ I know I know I am sorry" He looked back at Harry, and with his other hand he wiped his tears,

“ I have been lying to you" Harry started to feel the world spinning again , his breath was fast,

“ I got transferred to New York, and I have to go next week"

“ what?!”

“ there was that promotion..”

“ we talked about it last Christmas and you said..” Harry was confused, there was a promotion and it wasn't in London, Louis wanted it too bad, but it will means Louis leaving to New York, and when they talked Harry told him they can't leave, Harry can't leave , his family, their families, friends, Harry's works.

“ I know I promised Harry, but I really need it, I love my job and you knew, and this is a good opportunity”

“ to whom?”

“to us Harry, we can start all new, you are smart , you will find something there, you can...”

“ what about my restaurant...” obviously Harry was still confused, they talked before, and Louis promised that he won't think about it again,

“ my boss says he got you a good place there, and he will help you to start a new fresh start...”

Harry left Louis's hand, he was thinking, so that what was happening, he wasn't cheating like cheating, but he cheated Harry’s trust, he trusted him, and he promised he won't make him choose , but right now he is making him choose,

“ Harry , listen to me, I know it will be hard at the start, but together we can make it"

“ together?? So you really know it's two partner relationship"

“ Harry ...come on" Louis started to get panic, Harry wasn't getting the idea,

“ listen to me.... I have to go, I have to go"

“ what about me?” Harry asked again, and Louis started to lose his words, he is lost, he can't loose his job, but he can't loose Harry too

“ you want me to come with you, right? Leave everything behind, and come with you? What about my sister? Your sisters?”

“ they are all fine, they will be fine... you hardly see Gemma, and my sisters will be fine, they promised”

Harry stared at him “ wait a minute, they knew?” Louis closed his eyes, he knew he missed up big time, Harry left the chair almost shout

“ damn it Louis, when were you planning to tell me"

“ I am telling you..”

“ oh fuck of" harry yelled “ don't you think it's maybe .. just maybe it's a little too late"

Louis stood too, he needed to calm Harry, he didn't plane that it will go this way

“ Harry ...just give it a shot ok, every thing is perfect there, you will love the house, it has a great garden you always dreamed of"

Harry looked at him again shocked

“ what house?”

“ours"

Harry shook his head “ no no please no, you didn't go there did you?”

“ why does it matter now, you will love it , I promise, I know, Harry please don't ruin this for me”

“ruin? I didn't ruin anything, I didn't plan such a thing behind your back while knowing that you already refused it, what's wrong with you...”

He couldn't believe that, how could he do all this behind his back, right now Harry really wished it was someone, like Louis cheated him with someone, and he was giving him an apology, he would forgive him he knew he would, maybe not now, but he will, but this is something Harry didn’t even know how to think about,

“ Harry, I am asking you , please, it will work..”

“what the hill are you talking about... what would work, how could you do th to me? What were you thinking"

“ Harry stop it please, don't make me look like that, like I didn't think about you"

“how? How exactly were you thinking about me?”

“ Harry I really had no choice.. it was that or leave..”

“then leave, we can see a million of other opportunities, some that would work for both of us”

he calmed down alittle “ we talked Louis, you promised"

“I had no choice Harry, when we talked you made me choose between you or that position...”

“ no"

“ yes, you were having a good time at your restaurant, I couldn't"

“don't, don't you dare say that, it was our choice, we talked and we came into this choice..”

“ you made me choose..”

Harry yelled “ and what are you doing now?”

“ I am asking you Harry I deserve that chance wit you, I was behind you in all those years, I was behind you when you made that restaurant , I was there, I gave you every thing you need" Louis lost his temper now, he was yelling, he got angry, and he was lost on words.

“ you are right, and now you are taking everything from me" he shook his head in disbelief

“ why are you so selfish Harry, I have no other choice, you should support me on this , I always supported you"

He looked at him“ I never ask for your support on something like this, do you understand what are you asking me, you want me to change my whole life, you are not really leaving me any choice, you are telling me now, a week from leaving...”

“ I didn't tell you earlier because I knew how will you react, I wanted to make everything perfect for us"

“ we are partners, decisions like that should be discussed Louis”

“ ok I am discussing ...”

“ no you are telling me, you already made your choice, you bought a house” Louis knew that this was not getting to anywhere, and he knew he needed to push Harry more, he needs Harry with him, he can't make it alone, and he knew it will take more than one talk to convince Harry

“ Harry, we are leaving next week"

Harry shook his head “ no, you are"

Louis's heart stopped beating for a second, he knew that Harry was stubborn, and what he was asking wasn't easy, but he knew Harry loves him and will never let him go by himself, he will be angry for some time, but he will never let distance comes between them

“ I’m not leaving Louis"

“what does this suppose to mean?”

“ exactly what you heard, I'm not leaving, we need to talk, if they threaten you then just leave them, Zayn already offered you a good job on his father's company"

And by mentioning Zayn , Louis lost his mind

“ Zayn? You want me to work for Zayn?”

“ what are you talking about? It's his father's , Zayn doesn't even work there"

“ because he works with you..”

“ Louis, what are you doing? I'm trying to save this"

“ it doesn't need any savings Harry"

he yelled “ I’m not staying and most important I’m not working for Zayn”

Harry looked at Louis and he knew that look, that determination, Louis already made his decision, so talking wasn't changing anything, Harry closed his eyes to focus, he wanted to stop the pain in his chest, in his arms, in his back, he leaned on a chair next to him, and when he opened his eyes, Louis wasn't there, he looked for him and he saw him by the door, wearing his coat and no, he won't let him leave now, thy still have alot to talk

“ don't walk on me Louis, we need to work this out"

Louis was completely angry now, he didn't know why, he knew that Harry has the whole right to act that way, but mentioning Zayn always make him made, he knew Zayn was only a friend, but a friend that Harry love more than he should.

“ I already said what I want Harry, you make up your mind" he gave his back to Harry ready to leave the house

“ If you leave now, you won't find me when you are back" Harry sound defeated, weak, and that hurt Louis, he didn't want to hurt Harry, not this way, not that much, but right now he has to leave, staying will make the situation worse, he need to clear his mind , to think straight

“ Lou, I swear..” Harry was crying, and Louis knew that, he didn't turn to look at him, he couldn’t t stand that, he didn't know what to do, so with all the strength he has left, he left Harry alone, they both need some time to be alone, and he knew they will make it.

Harry was left alone, he looked at the closed door, Louis left him, Louis was leaving him, this time it was for real, Louis is leaving and Harry won't stop him, he was angry, so so angry at him right now, he moved back to the kitchen, he needed to do something he can't stay alone as a victim for his thoughts, his mind will eat him alive, he need to talk to someone to fix this, he looked for his phone, and when he was moving to grab it, it hit him. The worst pain shoot his chest, like something was squeezing it , for a second he couldn't breath well, in fact he couldn't breath at all, he tried to take a full breath but the pain was unbearable, he started to feel the pain in his arms, and he tried to massage it, but it was getting worse, he was cold but also sweaty, he was shaking and he has to do something, he struggled to reach his phone but every step he took he felt like dying, he got scared, he can't find his inhaler or even think where it was, he started to see black dots on the corner of his eyes, and he knew what was going to happen, he will faint, alone, and no one will save him, the idea panicked him even more, finally he reached his phone, but he couldn't take it anymore, he collapsed on the floor struggling to breath, struggling to keep conscious for the next few seconds, he will call Louis , and he will know what to do.

On his car louis was driving as a crazy drunk superman, he was angry, he was yelling at himself in the car, anyone who would take a look will consider him crazy, if a police man saw him he will arrest him at once, he needed to calm a little, he need to call Nail, he knew Naill wad the right man to call , he will calm him down even if he said nothing important.

He grabbed his phone and dialled Naill, after the second ring it was answered

“ good morning , mate"

“Naill..”

“ no think again..”

It was Liam, Harry's second best friend after Zayn, the protective one, the wisest in the group, he can't talk to Liam about this, he will freak him out, if Liam knew that Harry was leaving the place he will kill Louis himself

“ hi Liam, where is Naill?”

“taking a nap, just finished a seven hours surgery, slept on the couch... do you want me to wake him up for you?”

“ no, no “ he answered hastily “ I will call him later"

“ are you ok?” Liam sound concerned “ yeah ,yeah, just was checking on him..”

“ ok, I will tell him you called, hay listen, we are meeting at the pub , bring Harry and join..”

“ yeah sure... listen .. I have to go now, so call you later"

“ sure mate, take care" Louis hanged up, felt no restless, maybe more confused, he did tried to sound calm and normal which was exhausting, and he knew that Liam absolutely felt that there was something off,

The phone rang again two minutes later, it has to be Naill, Liam must waked him up worrying him about Louis, Louis picked up without even checking the caller ID

“Naill?, sorry to wake you..”

“Lou..”

And that sound was weird, he knew the sound, it was weak, suffocated, it was like Harry's voice when he is sick, Louis checked the ID without talking, and it was Harry’s name

“ Harry?” what he heard next was the scariest thing Louis could imagine, Harry was struggling to breath, he couldn't talk, and Louis went frantic, without a second thought, Louis directed the car towards home, towards Harry

“ what's wrong Harry? Baby? Are you there?”

“Lou...”

“ yes , yes I’m here baby, what's wrong, Harry tell me what's wrong...”

“ hurt..”

“ what hurt baby.. Harry is it your asthma ?” but Harry didn't answer

“ ok , baby, your inhaler is in your sport bag, it is on the external zip"

“ Baby are you there?” Louis was driving like crazy, if before was crazy then now it was extreme , his hand was shaking, his leg was shaking he could hardly steadied it on the accelerator.

“ can'.. mov..”

“what 's that? You can't move?”

“hurt"

“ what hurt Harry , please..”

“chest..”

And Louis didn't know how to think, Harry's chest hurt and he couldn't move

“Harry , anything else baby?”

It took him long to answer but he finally did

“ arm..”

“ your arm hurt baby, did you fell Harry, did you hurt your arm?”

“Lou..”

“ I'm almost here baby, two minutes... I'm here..” When Louis arrived exactly 90 seconds later, he left his car on the entrance, and stormed inside the house, chest and arm hurt, he can't move to get his inhaler, Harry experienced asthma alot, but it was never that bad, Louis couldn't think what it could be,

When he entered the house, he yelled calling Harry’s name, Harry didn't answer, which frightened Louis more. In the kitchen Harry was on the floor, sitting position, his back leaning on one of the kitchen cabinet, he looked pale as a sheet, his hair stick on his forehead, he was sweaty, Louis didn't take a second to be by his side, at the start Harry didn't coherent his presence

“ Harry, baby...”

No answer, not even looking at him, he was awake , but he was lost, he struggled to take his breath, that was obvious, but that definitely wasn't his asthma , Louis witnessed Harry's asthma times he lost count, but this time it was something different,

Louis tried to gain Harry’s attention, he patted on his face , and finally he got him back

“ I'm here baby, tell me where it hurts...”

Harry with his right hand pointed slowly at his chest in the middle, then at his left arm Louis's eyes were following his hand, and his mind was racing to figure out what was wrong,.

“it's ok...it's ok...”

he started to massage Harry's chest He looked again at Harry but this time he noticed Harry’s lips were turning blue, he was covered with sweat,

he held Harry’s hand and it was cold, Harry was shaking, and Louis lost his mind, all he could think about was calling someone, so he called the one who knew

“ still sleeping..”

Louis rested the phone beside him putting Liam on speaker

“Liam...it's Harry, something is wrong. And I don't..”

“ wow wow , calm down Lou, what's wrong, did he fell, is it his asthma?”

Louis was looking at Harry, stills struggling to catch a breath, still not entirely aware

“ I don't know Liam, he said his chest hurt and his left arm, I don't know if he fell, I wasn't there"

“-is he conscious?”

“he is, but I think he will lose it any minute now..”””

“ Lou, I.M sending n ambulance right away, stay with him, check his pulse for me..”

And this is serious, checking a pulse was never a good sign, with a hesitant fingers, Louis checked

“ damn it Liam, it is too fast..”

he massaged again “ it's ok, it's ok, ambulance on the way..”

“Lou..” It was Harry this time, Louis snapped his head and looked at him in the eyes

“ I love you"

And it hurts, Louis was scared to death, he wanted to look strong, but he couldn't , tears already on his checks

“ I love you too...” he looked at the door, anytime now the paramedics will appear, anytime now

“ sorry..”

“ what'!!” When Louis looked again at Harry he was closing his eyes

“no no no no no, baby.. Harry , stay with me, Harry..”

Harry's body was falling, so Louis rested him on the floor on lying position.

Harry looked in peace now, like asleep, Louis wasn't understanding what was happening, 20 minutes ago, they were fighting, Harry was yelling at Louis, screaming and shouting, and now Harry looked like dead, Louis looked at his chest, but this time it wasn't moving , at all

“ shit shit shit shit" Louis said frantically, Harry stopped breathing, when he rested his head on his chest, he didn't know if it was a pulse or no, all that scene that was happening Louis found it impossible to understand, he started to shake Harry frantically, he was freaking out himself, Harry was dying, right there and Louis had nothing to do, he was shaking him calling his name over and over again or was he screaming.

 

What happened in the next hour, Louis didn't know, all he can remember that the paramedics arrived , and he then there was someone holding him from his back, he didn't know who, but some how he felt familiar, the. Harry was on the stretcher, and was inside the ambulance, when Louis tried to get in with him, the paramedics refused, Louis didn't understand why, it wasn't their first time anyway in an ambulance, when Harry got his worst asthma attack, Louis got in with him, when he himself made that accident three years ago, Harry was with him in the ambulance, he wanted to argue, but he couldn't make a full sentences, he let himself guided by the stranger who held his hand and took him toward his car, he sat Louis on the seat next to the driver, he was talking to him, but Louis wasn't listening, he tried but he couldn't, the stranger jumped beside him and drive right behind the ambulance, Louis’s eye didn't lost the ambulance till they arrived to the hospital.

Once the ambulance stopped, Louis jumped out of the car without it being stopped, he didn't notice or didn't care, no one knows, he ran and stood in front while the door was opened, and what he saw Louis couldn't explained it, once Harry was on the ground on the stretcher, Liam was there, the paramedic was talking to him, but Louis didn't listen he looked at Harry who was still unconscious, then Liam hopped above Harry on the stretcher, and he started to press on his chest, Louis wanted to yell at him, he will hurt Harry this way, and he wouldn't be happy, the stretcher that carried the two men was rushed inside, followed by Louis and the stranger behind him, they took Harry into an emergency room, but they prevented Louis again from entering, but Louis didn't protest this time, because he could see, the door was made if glass and the curtains was opened , so he watched,

Liam was talking to the stuff around him, he left Harry, and was beside him , but still pressing on his chest, then Some one got him the defibrillator, and Liam started using it on Harry's chest, when it went for the first time, Harry's body rose and fell, but the look on Liam's face was unreadable, it seemed like it didn't work because Liam tried again, and it hit Louis, he knew what was happening, Harry's heart stopped and they were trying to bring him back, then suddenly the curtains closed, Louis didn't do anything, he was still staring at the glass door, and then he looked at the ground, Harry will be ok, he knew that, he was in Liam's hand, Liam loved Harry and he will save him, there was nothing to worry about, Harry will be ok, he rested his back on the wall, and he sat beside the room, when he looked again at the door , the stranger man was still there, back leaning on the wall, and he was covering his face, and all his body was shaking, he was crying, and then Louis knew who was the stranger, it was Zayn.

Inside the room, Liam was doing all his best, but there was something wrong, there was a problem in his heart, LIam was scared that Harruy got a cardiac arrest, and this time there is nothing thry can do, Liam was still performing CPR, yelling Harry's name, but Harry wasn't coming back, he looked around him, then he looked at Harry, and no, he wasn't ready to give up،Liam took a deep breath,

“ give me a scalpel"

he ordered the team with him, but no one moved, he looked around him and yelled

“ come on"

Then one of the nurses tried to remove Liam's hand away from Harry, but he yelled

“ don't you dare, this is my brother, I will do what ever I can, now get me a fucking scalpel”

She looked at Liam and he dried his tears which started to form in his eyes, One the scalpel was in his hands, he opened Harry’s chest, and he broke the rips of the ribcage, And then there was the heart, he started to shock it directly, then massage it, he tried it for about a minute,

when the door was opened and Naill was there, When he saw what Liam was doing he froze, when Liam meet his eyes, he started to cry, it wasn't working , and Naill knew Liam was loosing hope, he rushed and stood by Liam " im loosing him"

“ someone scrub me" And one of the nurses dressed him the plastic robe and the gloves, Naill took Liam position and started the work, Naill was looking at Harry's face

“ come on Harry, come on mate, don't do this"

He tried “ Harry don't you dare die on me, don't do that"

He tried, then he yelled , then the machines peeped “no Harry no, I can't let you do that to Louis, come on you twat"

He tried “ come on Haz"

Then the miracle finally happen, Harry got a pulse, his heart was beating finally normally , he gained a steady beat, and that all what they all wanted,

Naill “ that's right Harry, that's right" H

arry was rushed to the surgery with Naill, while Liam was the one to give Louis the news, he was shaking himself, Harry was alive but no one knew what the damage was. But he was sure that they all were thankful fo this.


	2. Please don't go - joel adams

It took Liam a complete 15 minutes to gain himself back, his hands finally stopped shaking and he started to form a complete meaning words, he has to face frantic Louis, and you never would like to meet frantic Louis.

When Harry was moved to the surgery, it took two nurses plus Zayn to hold him away from Harry's stretcher, all the talk , all the possible calming way didn't work, the only thing that calmed him was the loss of his power, and a sedative shock.

“ heart attack?” louis asked Liam in disbelief , he just woke up, head heavy, and he felt like he was hit by a truck

“ wasn't it for like older people, I mean he is only 25”  
Liam was still exhausted ,he tried his best to sound strong  
r “ not all the time Lou, young people has it too, ”

“why?”'

“ maybe he was exhausted, I remember Zayn mentioned something" he then looked at Zayn, Zayn just nodded

“ what do you mean exhausted, Harry is the ideal example of being healthy, he eats well, he even goes with Zayn to gem"

Liam nodded “ Louis, Harry is healthy since I know him, it has nothing to do with it, maybe it is genetic, , or he may experienced some stress maybe, Zayn said...”

“oh God..” he looked at Zayn “ did you know any of this?”

Zayn was going to talk but Liam stopped both of them" Lou, he had an attack, what difference does it make if Zayn knew or not?”

Louis sighed, Liam was right , he was just feeling awful, he wanted to blame someone, to be angry at someone,but not Zayn, Zayn was mess just as he was.

Then Louis remembered how Harry looked on the stretcher, he saw blood, he didn't remember what happened after but he was sure of what he saw

“ there was blood?"

Liam took a deep breath, Louis was remembering 

“ right? Where did he go? Why..” Louis started to get dizzy ,

“ I had to open his chest to revive his heart..”

Zayn gasped at that, Liam looked at the ground, but Louis didn't get it

“ I was trying to gain a regular heart beat, I shocked him and I was scared to loose him, but... during ...”

Louis felt the ground disappeared beneath his legs, it was for Zayn's tight grab, Louis would collapse on the ground,

When Liam saw Louis this way, and Zayn's lost eyes, he decided to stop talking, no he is not going to discuss Harry's condition right now, he knew he will ,eventually will, but not now, not when his two best friends had no clue what was going, all they needed was to know that Harry was alive, and he was .

Zayn looked at Liam with begged eyes, he didn't know what to do with Louis, both Zayn and Liam sat Louis on the chair of the waiting room,  
Liam started “ Louis, I need you to breath, okay...just breath”  
Louis was still eyes closed, he was trying to gain his balance, his breath, and his temper, but ... wait

“ you did what?”

Liam wasn't going to repeat what he just said, he had to calm him down, and mentioning anything that happened during the last hour wasn't helping.

“ he is with Niall, let's just wait for them okay?”

Louis nodded, he finally surrender, okay, he will wait, and Harry will come out of wherever they took him, and he himself will tell him he will be okay.

Time passed so slowly, still nothing, Louis apparently slept on the uncomfortable chair , when he opened his eyes, Liam was still beside him, wearing his blue scrub, playing with his phone, Louis looked at his lap, and he found himself covered with a leather jacket, smells cigarette, Zayn’s of course

“ what happened?”

Liam looked at him eyes wide open, did he forget all of it  
“ I mean, what took them so long?”

Liam sighed “ are you okay?”

“ no, and let's not talk about you drugging me, just tell me how is Harry?”

“ he is still there...it has been an hour, so relax..”

Louis sat well putting the jacket next to him  
“ what is going on anyway?”

Liam didn't answer, “ I am not freaking out okay, I need to know"

“ he had a heart attack...'' Liam started

“ Liam.. I know this part, and cutting him open, what is happening now? Why he is in surgery?”

Liam looked at Louis, Louis really looked calm, maybe stopped shaking, he looked around him, he needed Zayn, he won't control Louis alone

“ just tell me...what are you looking for?”

“Zayn..”

Louis nodded, then “ is he going to die?”

Liam snapped his head to him “ I ...wh... “

“ his father died very young and you said it was genetic..”

Liam tried to arrange what he was going to say, but he decided to say the facts, he will not decorate his words

“ we still don't know what will happen, I mean heart attack could cause damage to the heart, it could happen again , and I am not going to lie to you, but it was not a good one, Niall will assist the damage, I know he is a good surgeon, he will do him right"

Louis nodded, didn't utter a single word, the only thing that gained his attention back was the attack of that smell, and then he felt a body sat by him, Zayn was back.

Liam to Zayn “ you gotta stop what you are doing, I've been watching you"

Zayn didn't talk, not even look at Liam, so Liam stopped talking

Out of no where  
“ you were there..Zayn..when Harry's father died?”

Zayn looked at Louis confused, Louis continued “ Harry told you were there, you were the one who found him..”

Zayn looked at the floor, he remembered, awful night it was, Harry's dad died in front of him, on his lap, Zayn was fifteen, but he will never forget the look on Harry's dad when he knew he was dying,

“ he will not die Zayn, relax"  
Louis tapped on his thigh, he knew that Zayn was struggling inside, he felt it on all his body movements, all his gestures, Zayn suffered from anxiety all his life, and Louis was trying to avoid him one now.

Zayn nodded, he passed his hands over his face, he wanted to control his voice

“ I should knew..”

Louis was going to ask what he meant, but he saw Niall coming to their way, all the three was on their feet  
Louis was expecting Niall smiles as usual, Niall always smiles, it's in his nature, he could hardly remember Niall grimace, but right now Niall was not smiling,  
Liam was the first to talk  
“ what happened?”

“ he is stable now”

“ what took you so long?” It was Zayn

Niall looked at him “ he is a stubborn twat , you know how he is”  
he tried to make a joke but no one responded, not even a smile, not even from Niall

“ he will be okay, I reduced the damage as much as I can , but I had to implant an ICD"

Liam was shocked “ for real?”

Niall “ I didn't get a regular beat, he was going to develop a rhythm that could be a life threating si...”

“ English , please" Louis snapped 

Niall and Liam looked at him, Liam apologized while Niall started to explain.

“ it's a small device similar to the pacemaker, do you know what it is?”

Louis nodded “ your father has one"

Niall nodded “ exactly, it's similar to it, it will protect his heart and stabilise his heart's rhythm”

Louis “ you mean there is a device inside my husband heart helping him to fucking live" he was loosing his temper now 

Niall nodded “ it will help him survive yes..”

“survive? What the... he is only 25 ... you mean he will live all his life this way...”

Niall knew Louis was freaking out again “ louis listen to me, I know it's hard for you to digest what just happened , but Harry is alive, he will be okay, a few changes happened but he will be fine, he is strong , he will deal with this like he should, and he needs you with him for that”

Louis was listening, and all what occupied his mind that all this was his fault, if he didn't fight with him, if he didn't push so far, Harry wouldn't be here, Harry would avoid all this craps.

“ he is in CCU, he will be there for the coming days, and when he is stable enough , he will go to his room"

“ I need to see him"

Niall “ I know you would ask, but you can't, not now, tomorrow maybe..”

“ No Niall, did you hear me, I need to see him"

Niall shared a look with Liam and Zayn, they all knew Louis won't stop asking

“ ok... ok but for only 5 minutes"

“five minutes it is".

 

In front of Harry's room, Liam and Zayn were looking at Harry through the glass window, inside were Louis and Niall, they expected Louis to crash down, but he didn't.

Louis looked at Harry's face, he looked asleep, he looked calm, he got closer but he knew Niall was watching and he wanted this , he was afraid to touch something he was not suppose to touch, with a hesitant hand he was going to place it in Harry's , he looked at Niall for a permission, and that killed him, he didn't need anyone permission to touch his husband, but right now he does, and it was his fault.

Niall nodded to him , and he looked back at Harry, he put his hand on Harry's, and he looked at his chest, although it was covered with a white gauze, but that didn't mind him all he wanted was seeing him breath, last time he was in direct contact, Harry wasn't breathing, a lot of machines was contacted with Harry, a lot of wires , a cannula that gave him medicines, nose cannula helped him breath, every part of his body was connected with something, but that didn't matter, what really matter was the room was really cold, it was freezing, and Harry hates cold, he gets cold easily, and Louis knew that he was cold, he wanted to mention that to Niall, but he didn't want to talk, didn't want to disturb Harry.

Niall hand was on Louis's shoulder, it was the time to leave, and Louis hated that, he looked at Niall trying to beg him to stay any longer, but Naill shook his head.  
Louis nodded and moved closer to Harry, he pressed a tiny kiss on Harry's check, and he knew tears fell over Harry's face, he tried to remove it but he couldn't he cried more and pressed his hand in his mouth to prevent any possible sound, finally he whispered something on his ears , Naill couldn't hear him but he was one second away from crying himself,it hurt him to see his bestfriend like that begging his husband to survive, they both looked at Harry wished him a good night and then they both left the room.

Outside, the four of them was still in front Harry's room

“ you should leave Louis take some rest; Niall told him

“ I am not leaving..”

“staying here isn't helping, not him and certainly not you" it was Liam this time

Niall continued “ you need some rest Louis, you can barely stand"

“-listen to me, Zayn is taking you home, take your hot shower, sleep a little, I will call you every hour giving you all the details you want, and once the sunrise, you come"

Liam looked at Zayn who only nodded, Louis looked at Zayn he couldn't argue, he needed rest, standing here wasn't changing anything, Niall and Liam won't leave Harry's side, Harry will be ok, he can rely on that, Zayn started to move and finally Louis followed him.

Louis slept alone several times , when he travels, which happens a lot, when he spends the night with his sisters, and sometimes at the office, but this was the only one Louis sleeps on their bed without Harry, and it was painful, Harry was everywhere, he smells him, he can even feels him beside, listens to his soft snorts which always come out of nowhere, Harry was a fast sleep, he sleeps anywhere, everywhere, and in the middle of any conversations as long as he was sleepy Louis would talk and talk and when he got no response he knew that Harry drift away.

He looked beside him on the night stand, there was a photo of them together, they took it when they were at Paris, louis climbed Harry's back, and they both were smiling at the camera, Louis closed his eyes he wanted to fall asleep rapidly, but he knew how his mind works, it will make him relive what happened over and over again, Zayn gave him one pill of his sedative pills an hour ago, and Louis took his hot shower and prayed for it to kick him as fast as it could, he wanted to sleep, to shut his mind down, to forget for a second what happened and forget about the worst day of his life ever.

When he opened his eyes it was 8 am, he slept 12 hours, what kind of pill was this, well it explained how Zayn disappears for days and when he shows the only explanation he has was to be asleep, it drove Harry crazy, but now Louis could excuse and forgive Zayn for the nerves burn he caused Harry.

He checked his phone, there was 12 messages all from Niall, he made his promise , he sent him every hour, all the message were the same  
“ HE IS OK"  
There were three from Liam, asking if he slept or not and if he was ok, some missed calls from his coworkers.

When Louis went down stairs, he entered the kitchen for some coffee, it smelled weird, it smelled pancakes, he looked around and he found a plate on the table full of them,

“good morning"

And Louis startled, his hand clutched at his chest, 

“come on Zayn..”

“sorry...”

Zayn was leaning on the kitchen bar behind Louis, he sat on one of the kitchen bar chairs,

“ you made those?”

Zayn nodded, Louis smiled ,”did you eat ?”

Zayn shook his head “ I don't do breakfast"

Louis took one on a plate and was pouring some coffee “ breakfast is the..” they continued together “ most important meal of the day"

They both smiled, Zayn “ I know I know, l kept hearing it for four years back at dorm" it was Harry's words, he appreciated breakfasts, and when they were roommates back at college days, he insisted that Zayn should eat the breakfast with him

Louis smiled “ and still not having it...”

Zayn smiled, Louis “ come on... share me"

Zayn “ I can't keep anything inside... really"

Louis nodded “ did you sleep here?”

Zayn nodded “ yeah sorry, I crashed on the couch..”

Louis “ no, no I am glad you did, at least you made me breakfast"

Zayn smiled “ he will kill me if he knew I let you out without one"

Louis smiled, but he noticed Zayn’s hands were shaking, Zayn had an attack, and he knew he couldn't take his drugs because it will kick him out for days, and he needed his full mind now 

“ are you ok?”

Zayn nodded without looking at Louis, and Louis knows how deep Zayn was, he never shares anyone anything, it was only Harry, not Liam, not his sisters, just Harry

“ thank you..”

Zayn looked at him ,brows frowned, the relation between the two of them wasn't stable, Zayn was Harry's neighbour since birth, he was his childhood friend, they had that bond that Louis was jealous of it, he tried to control his jealousy but sometimes he just couldn't, both Harry and Zayn knew it, but they both didn't talk about it.

“ I was calling Liam, he said Harry was the same, still stable"

Louis nodded, then Zayn looked at him

“ did you talk to him .. when he came home last time?”

Louis remembered avoiding Harry that night, Harry was upset or angry, that what Louis sensed, so he avoided it and tried to sleep

“I was asleep"

Zayn nodded, he bit his lower lips, it was a way to stop himself from talking ,Harry told him about it before

“ why?”

Zayn shook his head “ I'm... I should know..”

“ what?” Louis was confused

“ he told you nothing about his health?”

Louis put the coffee on the kitchen board “ what are you... what do you know?”

Zayn took a deep breath “ he wasn't okay recently, and he refused to talk, I tried to... know what was happening, but I figured it was something between you two and Harry refused to talk...”

Louis nodded, Harry was not ok, he knew that, Harry was angry

“ but a week ago, he was not feeling well, dizzy or lose his balance out of nowhere... didn't you notice?”

Of course not, he was avoiding Harry specially last week

“ that night... he collapsed...”

Louis shocked “ he fainted?”

Zayn nodded. “ yes, at the gem, he was on treadmill, and when he finished, I knew there was something wrong, he struggled to breath, and then he fainted on me...”

Louis was going to talk, but he didn't know what to say

“ you should have told me..”

Zayn looked at him then “ I called Niall, and his blood pressure was very high... I stayed with him till he become ok, he promised me he will tell you, that's why I came in the morning, I needed to make sure he was ok..”

Louis “ oh God....”

Harry was suffering, for a week, and he didn't know about it, of course he noticed that Harry was different, not sleeping well, not eating well, but he thought it was all because he was angry at him, he was avoiding him and that pissed him off.

“ I'm sorry Lou, I know I should say something... but...”

“ did it happen a lot?”

“not in front of me, but he looked exhausted all the time, he was like... mind taken"

Louis nodded “ did he tell you anything?”

“ about you? Well he has his own thoughts...”

“what does it mean?...”

Zayn took a deep breath he left his seat “ listen, it's not my thing to talk, talk to him when he is .... you know...”

Louis nodded, Zayn “ I will go for a smoke, wait for you in the car"

In the hospital, Naill and Louis was sitting in front if Harry's room, Harry was still in the CCU, stable, but still didn't wake, Zayn went to his home for a shower and change his clothes,

“ you could give me a call" 

louis said to Niall, after discussing Harry's condition in details, how the device works, and how it will affect his life, Harry will never be the same again, he will always be afraid to exert any effort, that device will protect Harry’s heart but the damage has already done, his heart will never be the same again, his life will change, his life style will change, and Louis knew that he will hate it.

“ and tell you what? We drove him home, he promised to tell you...”

“well he didn't"

Niall nodded, then “ did you call Gemma?”

Louis nodded “ I did, it took us 15 min to calm her down, she went crazy, cried a lot, she can't come here son is sick, so I told her to come when he is out of CCU, she refused at the start but Zayn and I could convince her eventually”

Niall nodded “ good, that's good, what about your sisters?”

Louis “ I just told Lottie, I can't handle all of them, you know how they love him"

Niall nodded “ how are you?”

Louis didn't look at him, he shook his head, he felt week “I don't know”

Niall “ did you sleep? Please tell me you slept"

Louis nodded “ Zayn gave me one of his pills, by the way, I think he had an attack last night"

Naill sighed “ I figured, Liam was expecting that”

“ he didn't talk to me about it, you know Zayn”  
Niall nodded, he knew Zayn

“ I told him" louis finally told Naill

Niall looked at him, Louis continued “ I did, this morning, but I screw up...”

Niall “ he was loosing his mind, he thought you were cheating..”

Louis eyes gone wide “ I would never...”

Niall “ I know I know, I tried to calm him, but I didn't know what to do, I was going to call you about, but...”

“I was stupid Niall, my husband was suffering a lot, and I couldn't see, I screw up...”  
Louis wanted to scream at himself right now, Harry thought he was cheating, how could he think of this, and how he drove his husband to think this way

“ what happened..?”

Louis sighed “ I made it sound like I don't care, like I already made my mind, I was leaving with or without him”

“but you are not...”

“I am not, I love him, God I love him so much, I can't survive a day without him Niall, he was angry and he told me he wasn't leaving, and I ... I talked and talked, I wanted him to be guilty for not supporting me...”

Niall “ I told you Lou to tell him from day one, he will think with you, he....”

“ I know....” he looked at the ground, he felt guilty, it was all out of his selfishness, 

“ I screw up, and look what did it lead us ... I almost killed him, no I did, I killed him, I...” he started to panic, but Naill took one of his hand “ hay, hay this is not your fault"

“how?” Louis almost shouted “ we fought, we yelled, and he wasn't okay for a week, he was stressed , he thought I was cheating, then I came and .... asked him to choose between all his life .. and me... and I left him alone, he wanted me to stay, to talk but I left, and the next thing he is having a heart attack... it is my fault Naill so stop making it easy for me"

Niall nodded “ okay, you want to feel guilty, do it, but not now, right now, you need to think about him”

Louis looked at him “ I can't loose him Niall"

Niall nodded “ you won't, look at him, he is here, he will be ok, repeat after me”

Louis looked at Harry through the glass window,  
Niall “ say it..”  
Louis nodded “ he will be ok” he barely whispered.

He wanted to believe this , what ever Niall said previously about his condition, he knew he will be ok, Harry is strong, he knew how strong his husband was, but right now, he needed a sign , he needed to believe that, he wanted to and needed to, right now he wanted to hug Harry to his chest, to cuddle him and sleep by his side, to play with his curls, and he didn't know when he will be able to do it , or even if he will be able to do it, will Harry forgive him when he wakes up, he was the reason for all of this, and he didn't know if he will be able to forgive himself or not, but right now all he wanted is Harry to be okay, just be okay.


	3. How to save a life - the fray

Day two, and Harry was still in the CCU, he was still stable, he was according to Niall “okay” , he didn't wake up yet, he was floating between consciousness, only open his eyes for seconds, then drift away.

Louis was in front of the glass window, watching Harry crossing his arms, praying for a miracle to happen and he wakes up and finds everything was okay, and it was just a dream, 

he knew that Harry talked to Zayn a lot about what was bothering him, Zayn did try to talk to Louis, but Louis never let him, Zayn of course didn't tell Louis that, he told Liam who told Louis, Zayn always felt that Louis hates him, so he avoided meeting him most of the time.

Louis wanted to feel something, he wanted to carry Harry and run away to their home, taking good care of him as he always did when Harry got sick, he hated sleeping alone on their bed, hated that empty hole inside his heart that keep reminding that Harry was struggling alone, cold, probably afraid, he wanted right now to sleep by him hugging him, warming him, singing for him , although he believed that Harry's voice was a lot better, but Harry always insisted that he should sing for him when he feels sick, he says that was calming him and making him feel better.

A small hands surrounded Louis from behind, when he turned ,it was Lottie, she hugged him and he hugged her back, and he finally cried, not hysterically, but he felt it was safe for him to cry, Lottie hugged tight, she looked at Harry , it killed her what she saw, Harry was like a brother to her and it wasn't easy to see him this way, she tried to calm Louis, kissing his shoulder, whispering “ it's okay" over and over again.

At the hospital cafe, sitting Louis and Lottie

“ I told Fizzy"

Louis become shocked “ Lottie....”

She explained “ I didn't know what to do, she was calling him for two days now and he wasn't answering, she was freaking out, you know how she is since mum"

Fizzy was bad after their mom death, she become depressed, she barely talked to anyone except of course Harry, in fact all Louis's family loved Harry, but Fizzy was the most.

Louis “ what did you say?”

“not everything, just that he is sick and in hospital, and you are with him so not to call you, but you should expect an early call tomorrow”

Louis sighed “ is she ok?”

Lottie shrugged “ I don't know , I think there is something going on with her and only Harry knew...” 

she stopped, then pressed her fingers on her eyes, “ I am sorry" she was crying, after all she was worry, she loved Harry, maybe Fizzy shared that bond with Harry, and it was okay, at least Louis knew she will be okay, Harry will protect her and calm her whenever she needed it, but Lottie loved Harry by her own way, he was close to her, not close as Louis but he was close, he was her comfort zone that what she loved to call the relation, 

on the other hand Fizzy was different, she was delicate, and so sensitive , not like Lottie who was strong and dependent and not like him a rebel and a sassy, or that what he thought, so Fizzy was treating Harry as number one in her life, asking his opinion in almost everything, Harry loved Fizzy the most even if he didn't say it , but they all knew. 

He put his hand on Lottie’s, he nodded to her , it was okay to cry, he understands that,

“ I’m sorry, I promised myself I won't cry"

He shook his hand “ no, no it’s okay, don't hold it inside"

“ it just... how ? He is too young for this crap"

Louis nodded, Lottie calmed herself down, she took a deep breath “ Gemma called"

Louis nodded “ I figured, how is she?”

“ she is strong, this family is strong, she believes he will be okay.. she is waiting for him just to get out of the intensive care"

Louis nodded, he looked at his phone, he didn't know how to explain to Lottie what had happened to Harry, or even how he would explain it to Gemma.

“what happened Louis, come on heart attacks don't come out of nowhere"

He looked at his sister, “ did you fight? Did you tell him?”

He simply nodded “ I did, and it didn't go well"

She nodded “ was it .... when?”

He nodded tried to smile “ just before the attack...”

Lottie didn't talk, Louis “ I know it all is my fault, but I .... I was scared .. I wanted everything to be perfect so I can convince him"

“ Harry doesn’t need perfection Lou, he will be with you anywhere, it... “ she stopped talking, she didn't know what to say “ all I know is this is not your fault, don't do this to yourself"

Louis nodded but didn't talk, he looked at his phone instead, there was a text from Zayn

“ HE IS WAKING"

It took Louis a second to stood and running towards the room, Lottie followed and she was scared to death, she didn't know what was going in , and she was afraid to ask.

In front of the room , standing Zayn, when he saw Louis 

“ he is up"  
his voice was shaking , and hands were trembling, the curtains were closed so Louis couldn’t see

“ Niall is in there, he told me not to get inside... we just wait..”

“ why?” louis asked looking at the closed door

“ they.... I don't know"

Then Zayn noticed Lottie, he moved and hugged her, she was crying, and she even cried harder on Zayn's lap  
The door then was opened, and Liam got out, the three pairs of eyes were staring at him

“ he is awake, like full awake, Lou .. he is asking for you...” 

then the world span around, Harry was ok, Harry was awake, Harry talked, and Harry wanted to see Louis

“ listen, he is a little bit confused, don't talk a lot, don't expect him to stay awake a lot... ok..” 

louis only nodded, he couldn't talk, he just followed Liam inside looking at Zayn for any support, Zayn nodded for him still hugging Lottie.

Inside, Niall was in front of Harry’s face, he was talking to him, and when he felt Louis he looked at him, and then back at Harry 

“ look who is here?”

And he moved away, And Harry was awake, he was looking at Louis, he smiled, not to wide but the dimples were there, his eyes were opened, exhaustion was written on his face, he never was like this before, but it was ok, Harry was smiling, Harry was talking

Louis stepped closer, and he held Harry's hand, he looked at his face again, no it was real Louis, you are not dreaming

“ why.. crying?” Harry's voice was tired, raspy, like he was asleep for along time, it is a kind of true, he was asleep for two days, Louis didn't know he was crying until Harry asked, he shook his head trying to find his voice, struggling to smile

“ don't..” Harry said

Niall tapped on his shoulder “ ask him where he is” He whispered

Louis nodded still looking at Harry and Harry still looking at him, “ baby, do .. do you know where you are?”

Harry frowned, and looked around with his eyes “ home"?”

Louis looked to Niall for help. And Niall nodded, Louis turned his face again at Harry

“ no baby, you are at the hospital"

And Harry frowned more” i'm sorry"

Louis shook his head “ no , no baby don't..”

“ I fainted..” 

Louis nodded “ yes... I know...”

“Lottie’s birth..day" Harry was confused, Lottie's birthday was two weeks ago, or wasn't he, Louis remembered that Harry acted weird that day, and he blamed his headache for this.

Louis kissed his hand “ it's okay... you will be okay..”

“ sleepy..” Harry was struggling to keep his eyes opened, and Louis wanted him awake, but 

“ you are sleepy?”

“umhee"

“ it's okay baby, you get your rest..”

“stay" 

Harry's hand felt heavy on Louis's,Louis knew he already slept, he kissed his hand again

“ I’m not leaving baby, I’m here" 

he kissed his forehead, and removed the hair strands away really softly, he closed his eyes to contain himself, to control his breath, and then Niall tapped on his shoulder, it was time to leave.

Harry was finally removed to his room, it was a big one , with a comfortable chair beside Harry’s bed, and a big sofa in front, Harry was waking and sleeping without talking, he was just smiling at the people around him then fall back to sleep, the longest action he made was raising his hand for Zayn and Zayn held it and then he drift away,

The next day was a different story.  
When Louis opened his eyes ,he was on the chair covered with hospital blanket, but what wake him was Harry’s voice, he was singing, Louis looked toward Harry and he was on his bed, a nurse beside him taking his vitals, and he was singing to her , it was hilarious, Louis didn't understood what was happening, he stood and moved toward him

“Harry?”

But Harry ignored him, his eyes were closed singing like a pop star  
The nurse smiled “ it's okay, he is in morphine..”

“oh...” Louis smiled

Then Harry said “ you .. have a gorgeous eyes..”

The nurse was taking his blood pressure, she smiled “ thanks Harry" Louis chuckled

“ but my Lou, has better... did you see him?”

She laughed “ I did Harry..”

“Lou?” Louis moved closer so Harry can see him “ im here..”

“ show her your eyes baby...”

Louis smiled “ God Harry ,stop it"

Harry smiled then looked the the nurse 

“ excuse him, he is shy..” he tried make her understand, and he had nothing to do with his shyness, which made her smile wider

“ I will leave you two now, you are good Harry, I will check on you later" 

Harry smiled and watched her till she left

Louis “ how do you feel?”

“oh fan... tas...tic"

“dear lord" he acted as if he was drunk, but that was okay, he is not in pain at least

“ I miss you..”Harry said winking at Louis

Louis smiled “ I miss you too baby..”

“ come on, I deserve a hug..”

Louis smiled he got closer, but he was still afraid to touch something, although there was no wires attached to Harry's chest, but he was still scared, he gave him a quick hug and left to sit by him on the bed,  
Harry frowned  
“ this is not a hug..”

Louis looked confused “ Harry , this is not a good time for your filthy mind, do you know what happened to you"

Harry still frowned “ I feel fine..” he acted like a stubborn kid

“ I know baby, but ... when we get home we will do what ever you need, okay"

“ I will do everything..” he winked again

Louis smiled, then he looked at the empty sofa where Zayn slept yesterday,

“ he is smoking..”

Louis looked at him raising his brows “ since when you are awake?”

“ um.... since Niall wake me..”

“Niall was here?”

Harry nodded “ he said I had a heart attack, it's maaaaasiiiiveeee thing" then he giggled

“ what are they giving you curly?” Louis looked at the IV attached to his cannula

“ it's good" he winked

Louis nodded “ yeah, I can see that, did he tell you anything else?”

Harry thinking “ ummmm, maybe ...” he winked again

He is hopeless case, he left his side, and Harry started to sing again, Louis took his phone and dialled Zayn

“ hello..”

“ Zayn where are you...” Harry was singing loudly now

Zayn laughed “ is he still like that..”

Louis closed his eyes “ did you meet him''"

Zayn laughed again “ we all did mate, and it wasn't funny..”

“ what did he say?”

Zayn laughed “ things about bed room"

“oh God..”

“ i'm on my way...” 

“ okay..”

Louis put his phone on the table and sat again by Harry.

“ Lou...” Harry said eyes wide opened “/did you know what happened?”

“no Harry , what happened?”

Harry pointed at his chest “ Liam cut my chest...”

Louis nodded “ I know baby....”

“ he took my heart...”

“no he didn't he was.... damn it Harry what did they tell you?” Louis was lost of words.

“ massage..”

“yes he did that..”

“ were you there, I only needed you to play inside of me..” he winked again,

“ oh Harry....” “ it's not... stop ok...”

Harry winked again “ stop seducing me Harry ... it's not working"

“ it worked before...”..

The door was opened and Zayn entered “ what did I miss?”

Harry “ Zaynie.... come here baby, I miss you"

Zayn laughed “ God Harry, you said that 12 times”

“ okay, did you know what happened?”he was so excited,

Zayn getting closer “ what happened?”

“ I was cut opened...” 

Zayn smiled , Harry “ Liam did this... he took my heart..”

Louis “ he didn't Harry...” it was in a monotonic way

“ ok what was the word...”

Zayn laughing now “ massage..”

Harry nodded , and Louis knew that that conversation was mentioned a lot while he was sleeping

“ I want Louis to do that next time"

“ there would be no next time Harry...” louis said

Harry shook his head childishly “ no promise me"

“ what Harry?”

“you will massage my heart next time, only you”

“ ok ok, but promise me you will stop talking about that"

Harry nodded smiling , “ ok I promise"

“ good" harry said, then Zayn moved to sit at the chair beside Harry

“ Lou?” it was Harry again

Louis looked at him “ yes Harry"

“ I have a c section now"

Zayn fell into laughing fit , Louis looked at him “ what?”

Harry pointed at his chest “ here"

“no Harry, it's not like that, it's..”

“it is" Harry interrupted

“ no baby ..” then he looked at Zayn who was still laughing, and he couldn't control his laugh

The door was opened and Liam entered, he saw Zayn and Louis laughing 

“ what's funny...”

“ Liam...I have a c section" Harry said happily

Liam getting closer “ you do?”

“ yeah, you cut me open and you took my baby, where is he?”

Louis “ oh my God"

Zayn laughed harder, and Louis looked at Liam “ please tell me you are reducing his dose"

Zayn laughing “ no please don't, this needs to be filmed" he held his phone and was going to record this

“ no Zayn , stop" Louis tried to protest

“where is my baby?”

Louis looked at Harry “ Harry stop saying that...”

Liam was laughing too answering Harry “ he is ok don't worry"

Louis tried to sound angry “ Liam??”

Liam “ what?”

Harry holding Louis hand “ I want to call him Calum"

Louis “ oh my God” Zayn was recording the event trying his best not to laugh, Louis decided to call Niall, he is the only one who will help him

“ Liam did you know what happened?”

Liam “ what Harry?”

“Liam cut my chest, and he took my heart?”

Liam getting closer “ did he?”

Harry nodded resting his head on the pillow “ Louis doesn't want me to talk about it, but I want him to open me next time, he is the only one who can have my permission”

Louis shook his head in disbelief , but at least he was relieved, Harry was talking , he was alive and talking.

At the evening ,Niall decreased the dose, and they were ready for Harry's pain now, he won't be in a lot of it, but he won't sing or hallucinate anymore.

Lottie came while Harry was asleep, she sat by him on the bed , and she zoomed out, she remembered first time she met Harry, she was a kid, but she loved him immediately, she was happy with the forming relation that started between him and her brother, and she prayed for it to last for several days, and her prayers were accepted, four years later they got married, and their marriage was the best thing happened to her brother's life.

She felt Harry's hand moving in hers, she looked at him and smiled “ you are awake?”

He smiled at her, she kissed his hand “ how are you doing Hazza?”

He smiled “ okay... I guess"

Lottie smiled “ you scared us Harry..” he smiled and look around him for Louis “ I convinced him to get some rest back at home” harry nodded

“ he will be coming in an hour"

“it's okay"

Lottie “ are you in pain?”

“ no I am okay"

She smiled “ don't try to hide it..”

He smiled at her “ okay... maybe a little bit..”

She nodded “ you will be okay, alright"

He nodded, then he looked at her “ do you know what happened?”

Lottie laughed “ they told me they minimized your dose...”

Harry smiled wide “ did you see the video?”

Lottie “ there is a video?”

Harry “ I don't know I guess.... I think Zayn showed me something...”

She laughed “ God, I would love to meet high Harry"

He smiled again “ yeah, he seems funny"

Harry was exhausted, he felt week, and he felt no power was left on him  
“ what happened to me?” he asked her, she looked confused

“ I know I had a heart attack, but I can't remember"

She smiled “ it is okay, it will get to you...”

Then the door was opened, and Louis entered, when Lottie saw him “ Louis you promised you will get some sleep" 

Louis looked at Harry and ignored his sister completely  
“ you are awake..” he got closer,

“ I am..” Harry was looking at him

Lottie moved away so Louis could sit on he spot , Louis kissed Harry on the forehead before sitting in front if him “ how do you feel baby?”

“ okay... but you are not.” 

Louis " i'm fine don't worry"

"I can't, you need some sleep"

"Baby I'm okay... I promise, plus I get cold alone in the bed, I rather sleep here by you" Louis smiled, but Harry was looking at Louis, Louis felt there was something, the look was like that one Harry carried for the last month , the pain look.

“-are you sure you are ok?”

Harry nodded, louis “ do you need anything? Is there any pain... the morphine was...”

Harry held his hand “ relax... I'm okay..”

Louis nodded, then the door was opened and Niall entered.

Lottie and Zayn waited outside while Niall checked his wound, and it was the time to tell him what was his condition.

Niall was standing in front of Harry's bed, he was calm but serious, Louis left the bed and stood by Harry, Niall started with 

“ so Harry do you know what happened?”

The three men smiled widely , but Niall continued “ I mean really, do you understand?”

Harry nodded “ I got a heart attack"

Niall nodded “ you did, you stressed yourself recently , changed you diet, and since it's a genetic disorder.. so it happened"

Harry nodded

Niall “ I am sure you got couple of symptoms recently but you ignored it, dizziness, chest pain..? Fainting maybe..”

Louis looked at Harry, he remembered now seeing him standing at the middle of the room, closing his eyes, now he knew that Harry was dizzy, he didn't know what was that back then, if they were talking recently a lot have changed

Niall “ I mean I know you fainted with Zayn, but did it happen before..”

Harry looked at Louis for a second and he gave him a worried smile, Harry sighed “ I did... on Lottie's birthday... it was..” he stopped to remember

“ two weeks" it was Louis, then he looked at Harry “ baby , you should have told me...”

Harry shook his head “ I wasn't going to spoil the day, besides I didn't think it will happen again, I exhausted myself at the gem, and I thought that's the reason"

Louis “ what about the day after?”

Harry looked at his lap “ didn't want to scare you"

Niall interfered this time “ you have two doctor friends Harry..”

“ i'm sorry"

Louis felt angry for a second, typical stubborn Harry, he didn't want to talk because any word that would come out of him mouth , it will show how angry he was, and now isn't the right time .

Niall started again “ that morning Harry, you must felt something"

Harry looked at Louis again then “ I really can't remember what happened that morning" 

Niall nodded “ it is okay, but Louis did the right thing anyway"

Louis understood what his friend was doing, he didn't want him to feel guilty, and he was grateful for that

“ when you got here Harry, your heart wasn't pumping enough blood around your body, your pulse was so week and we figured there was something extremely wrong...”

Harry didn't talk, while Louis again started to live what happened

“ Liam performed CPR for twenty minutes, and he was scared that you might get into a cardiac arrest, only few people survive that, so he followed an old technique but it always a good one and we believe it was necessary at your case, which was open chest CPR"

Louis covered his face with one hand, he tried to erase the image out of his brain, when Harry noticed he held his other hand , and pressed tight.

Niall “ when I arrived the room, your heart still wasn't responding, that means more damage, and also a cardiac arrest was on the way” Niall then sound was cracked “ it did"

And Louis gasped, Niall “ for less than a minute, and I was freaking out...I don't know how but finally it worked, it's a miracle.., your heart stopped for less than a minute and then it started to beat again... we rushed to the OR, I need to know the damage, and Harry your heart got really exhausted and i'm so sorry"

Harry shook his head but he still didn't talk, refused to share any eye contact

Niall proceeded “ heart attacks usually leads to several complications... and in your case it let to ventricular tachycardia, it's fast heart rate that result from improper electrical activity in the ventricles of the heart, it's... sometimes it's life threating, and I had to implant an ICD, it's a small device inside your heart, will regulate your heart rate and will protect you before any damage could happen"

Louis was by Harry when Niall explained every single detail to Harry, holding his hand to give him some support, he felt Harry's hand tensed and he pressed tight when Niall mentioned the device, 

Louis asked “ does it hurt?"

Harry looked at Louis then at Niall, Naill shook his head 

“ no never, he can't feel it anyway, it's like your heart is skipping a beat... maybe you would miss it, some patients say it feel like a sudden jolt to the chest..”

It hit Louis now that Harry became a patient, a heart diseased patient, he has a device and it will be in his chest forever shocking him every time his heart would be not working properly, and it is awful.

Niall “ it's something you can live with Harry, it won’t change a lot of your life styles, you already in a good diet, you don't smoke, or drink a lot, we will discuss your exercise programme later..” 

When Harry said nothing, Niall looked at Louis for any help, Louis sighed 

“ are you okay baby?”

Harry didn't respond he just nodded, Louis then looked at Niall he needed to understand the whole situation, he needed to know what are the precautions,  
Naill looked at Harry 

“ Harry do you understand, I know it's a lot, but do you know this is a life time change.. I mean i'm not removing that device, your heart won't be the same again" 

Harry nodded still looking at his lap,

Louis started “ is there any drugs, or any precautions..”

Niall nodded “ yeah, there are some drugs to help with pain... relax not morphine..” he smiled , Harry tried to.

Niall continued “ there would be some for blood pressure and to reduce stress, and Harry you got to stay away from stress as long as you can, working at restaurant will be decline at start, you need to discuss that with Zayn...”

He got closer from Harry and placed his hand on Harry's leg

“ it will be okay Harry"

Harry nodded , “ when can I go home?”

Niall smiled “ lets stay for now , we need to observe you, but I promise it won't take long.. you will be home in no time...”

Harry nodded, Niall looked at both of them 

“ so anything you need to ask? I mean i'm always available, but if anything come cross your mind...”

“will it happen again?”

Louis asked, he didn't want to ask, he can't imagine, but he got to know if Harry would ever experience that again

NIALL looked at Louis for a second, then at Harry 

“ we ... we are not sure, the device will make sure it won’t happen again, but if Harry felt any uncomfortable feeling in his chest, or any symptoms like before, he needs to call me, tell you, call some help...” 

Louis nodded pressing Harry's hand again.

Louis expected Harry to ask , to complain, to be angry maybe, but none of this happened, he listened till Niall finished, he then thanked him, and closed his eyes not uttering a single word till he slept.

That wasn't a good sign, Louis needed to know how Harry was thinking, what he was thinking of, so he stayed this night by Harry on the chair, waiting for Harry to wake up and talk.

It was nearly midnight when Louis heard his name, it was dark and the place drowned in silence.

“ lou?”

He was already asleep, but he opened his eyes  
“ are you okay Harry?”

“ why did you stay?”

Louis stood and sat by him, but Harry moved a little bit, so Louis can sleep by him, it took Louis a minute to think, he looked at the empty spot, and slowly he lied by Harry, their heads were touching, their hands were intertwining, 

“ there is a device inside my chest"

Louis tensed beside him but Harry went on “ I will peep whenever I pass a portal...” 

Louis smiled “ you are right about that..”

He felt Harry smiling by him, Louis asked “ how do you feel about it?”

“ actually...” then he kept silent and “-I feel nothing”

Louis nodded “ are you upset?”

Harry nodded “ very, but I know I can adapt on that"

Louis nodded “ you will baby..”

“ Lou...”

“ umhee"

“were you there? When it happened.. were you with me?”

Louis frowned “ what exactly do you remember?”

“ nothing, all I remember I was at the gem with Zayn, but Niall said it happened in the morning, so I am really lost..”

Louis sighed “ you were at home, it happened in the morning, and no I wasn't there, but you called me..”

Harry nodded “ when?”

“early morning...”

Harry nodded, so Louis was still avoiding him when things happened, 

“ we had an argument... that morning , I left , and the next thing you are calling me whispering..”

Harry nodded again, then they both stayed silent for a moment

“ Lou...”

“yes"

Harry took a deep breath and if the light was on, Louis knew that Harry must be nervous

“ are we okay?”

“......”

“ I mean, I was stressed out lately, I couldn't know what was going on... between us ...I mean... I caused myself a heart attack, so clearly I wasn't thinking right"

Louis was listening, and no he wasn't the reason for the attack, Louis was, the fight, the stress he put him in recently.

“ Harry... I love you, you know that, right?”

And Harry's breath fastened , and the machine sounds beside him started to get louder

Louis get frantic “ baby, baby calm.... Harry...”

Harry took a deep breath, Louis almost yelled “ what?? Do you need ...God...”

“I'm trying.... just relax...” Harry tried to calm both of them,

Louis looked at the door waiting for coming rescue, but it never did, he was going to leave the bed, but Harry's hand stopped him

“ i'm fine...”

“sure?”

“yeah , sorry"

“ damn it Harry, you scared me...”

Harry nodded “ I’m scared Lou... you can't start with saying this when I’m asking if you are cheating on me it not..”

“ what the .... fuck Harry...how could you asking me that..” now he is angry

“stop yelling... I’m still at the hospital" Harry tried

Louis “ sorry... I'm sorry..” he calmed and rest back by Harry, Harry didn't speak and Louis knew he was waiting for an explanation, but he is not going to discuss what happened now, he will not do this again, but he needed to calm him down.

“ Harry, never, I will never cheat on you, you are my love, I know... Harry I can't talk to you about it now... not after what happened..”

Harry didn't move, Louis 

“ I’m not cheating Harry, I never did, never will..”

And then they fell in silence again

“ that argument.... you told me what was wrong, right?”

Louis didn't speak, Harry “ okay... and it leads to a heart attack...fuck... I'm scared" he took a deep breath again,

Louis felt Harry was freaking oout again so hrdid the only thinhg he knew will calm him, he kissed Harry , he needed him to shut up, to stop talking, to stop thinking, and he didn't know what else to do, it was soft, it was full of care and love, and it worked, it did stopped Harry, he stopped talking, and Louis kissed his hand next, Harry sighed after ,he knew there was a talk they need to do, but he also knew it won't be now, at least he is not cheating , he said that and Harry believes him, they will talk or he might remember, he closed his eyes, and he wanted to sleep, sleep by Louis, and Louis wanted the same thing, he started to play with Harry's curls, kissing his hair, smelling the smell he loved, Harry's smell, a minute passed and Louis heard the snorts, he couldn't stop his smile, at least Harry was by him, Harry was sleeping in his lap the way he wanted.


	4. Concrete angel - christina Novelli

When Harry opened his eyes, he was met with a couple of green ones, once she saw him awake 

“ what could possible happen leading you to have a bloody heart attack?” 

Gemma was there, Harry smiled at his sister, he knew how she gets when she is stressed, she gets angry, yelling and shouting everywhere and at everyone, he understood it was in her nature, it was her way to cover her feelings, she was worried and she protected herself from crashing by this way

“ good morning sis”

She didn't answer, she looked at him instead, crossing her arms on her chest

“ you promised... you promised you won't leave too..”

Harry opened his arms to hug her, she was worried, no she was freaking out, she was scared, 

She hugged him back “ I can't forgive you..” he hugged her tightly “ I'm okay.. I promise..” he felt her body shaking and he knew she was crying.

He tried to calm her down, and it took him ten minutes, when they finally break the hug, he looked around him looking for Louis, but he wasn't there

“ what happened?”

Gemma asked calmly this time

Harry shrugged “ I have a heart attack..”

She bite her lower lip, trying to control herself again, 

“ I 'm fine and I 'm not going anywhere, I promise.. it just happened"

She nodded “ I knew when I saw you at Lottie’s birthday... I knew there was something wrong... and I asked you and you said nothing... and now look at you"

“ don't get mad Gemma, i'm sorry"

She looked at him softly “ I'm not mad at you, at Lou maybe but not you"

Harry annoyed “ why him?”

“well he didn't take good care of you, he didn't notice"

He shook his head “ it's not his fault, I didn't notice myself, I thought I was exhausted... Gem .. please don't make it harder on him, he is blaming himself already"

Gemma “ well he should"

“Gemma..”

“we almost lose you...”

“not his fault"

“well I know... but I need to get angry at someone, and I can't get angry at you.... so...”

“ leave my husband alone...”

She remained silent for a moment,  
He looked at her " how was your flight?"  
She nodded but was still angry to answer  
“ how are the kids?” he asked smiling

Gemma sighed “ they were asking about you... I told them you were sick..”

“ you shouldn't worry them..”

“ I was crying all the time, I was nervous , so I had to explain myself, they sent you their kisses”

He smiled “ I miss them...”

She smiled “ when are you leaving?”

He shrugged, Gemma “ you need to come with me after leaving here"

Harry frowned “ what's wrong with my home?”

Gemma “ really? Are you staying alone?”

Harry was confused “ pardon? What about Louis?”

Gemma looked at Harry and didn't talk for a second then she left the bed “ I mean... he won't be able to help you alone..”

Harry nodded but he felt something wrong, but he didn't push his sister

“ I think we will be fine...”

Gemma sat by him on the chair but she said nothing.

 

There were a lot of visits the following days, females visits, Lottie came again, Gigi Zayn's girlfriend, Fizzy and she was angry at everyone for hiding Harry’s condition for almost a week, Louis on the other hand was trying to avoid Harry, the place was already crowded, and if Harry was finally alone he would be exhausted for any actions and it would take him minutes to sleep.

Harry noticed how Louis was calm most of the times, barely talking to him, Gemma was always there anyway and he didn't want to disturb them, he was afraid that Harry might remember what happened, and he was scared for his reaction, so he thought it would be the best for them to avoid each other, and again that was driving Harry crazy.

Gemma finally went home and there only Zayn who left along with Louis.

Louis was outside the room, and Zayn was leaving so he asked Harry if he needed anything.

When Zayn entered the room, he knew there was something bothering Harry, he got closer and Harry still didn't notice his presence

“ are you okay there?”

Harry startled, but then he calmed down nodding his head,

“ sure about that?” Zayn asking sitting by him on the bed, Harry looked at him

“ just want to go home..”

Zayn nodded “ Liam says next week..” 

Harry nodded but didn't sound pleased 

“ okay tell me, what's wrong?”

Harry looked at Zayn again and then he took a deep breath “ Louis is avoiding me again...”

Zayn started “ Harry...”

“I know he is not cheating, fine I know, but he is hiding something , i'm sure of it... last night his boss visited me, but they talked outside my room for 15 minutes, and when he get back he was tensed up , I asked him what was wrong he started rambling and it made no sense, then he left me ...”

Zayn “ that's means nothing"

Harry was getting angry “ it does, there is something wrong about his job and it's Serious, that's why he is not telling me because now he is afraid of what might happen"

Zayn “ he didn't tell you before Harry..”

“he did... but I.... I still can't remember..”

Zayn sighed “ okay , what do you think?”

Harry puff passing his hands over his face “ I don't know, but I know who knows...”

Zayn “ you mean Niall? He will never tell if Louis asked him not to..”

Harry “ I think Gemma knows, but sibnce I told her nothing from the start so I couldn't adk her she will get crazy over me , or him which is myuch wirse, Lottie... she knows, I tried to ask , but she knew what I was doing so she ran away...”

Zayn nodded “ okay.. I will try... “

“she won't tell you..”

Zayn smiled “ wasn't planning to ask her myself...but she will tell Gigi...”

Harry looked at him eyes wide opened “ you are so smart . “

Zayn smiled “ I know, you used to be too, but since you married and you lost. It..” 

Harry laughed “ yeah, he is driving me crazy...”

Next morning Louis and Niall was in the stuff room, Niall was taking Zayn and Louis there since they were spending the whole day at the hospital, it was a calm place so Louis can calm himself whenever he felt loosing it

Niall offered him a cup of coffee and he took it, sitting on the couch “ I don't know what I'm doing, I know he thinks me avoiding him...”

Niall sat beside him “ you are not helping him..”

Louis nodded “ I know... tell me what to do..”

Naill “ as his doctor I will kill you if you tell him now, it will make him worse, as his friend you should have told him the minute he opened his eyes"

Louis was looking at him mouth opened “ wow... you are not helping me at all"

Niall smiled “ listen Harry is strong, tell him what happened with your job, but keep the details...”

Louis put the cup on the table in front “ how am I doing this? I was suppose to leave two days ago... they only giving me 10 days..”

Niall looked at him “ you do aware that Harry can't leave so soon right”

Louis closed his eyes “ I know...”

Niall “ you should quit..”

Louis shook his head “ I can't...”

Niall “ why?”

Louis opened his eyes “ I am broke, I have no money”

Niall shocked “ what?”

Louis “ I .... I put it all in the house ... and I still has to pay the last instalment next month..and I can't sell it since I didn't entirely paid for it... and I can't break the contract because there is a fucking provision preventing me from doing that, I have to pay for it first...”

Naill was mouth opened “ wow , mate, what did you put yourself in... how were you planning to pay then?”

Louis “ Harry's..”

Niall “ you are a stupid fat twat, do you know that.. what were you thinking..”

“ I wasn't ... obviously.. damn I'm really lost"

Niall nodded “ do you think he will go?”

Louis looked at him “ I don't think I can ask him, I mean , he never wanted to leave... he made himself clear for me like million times"

Niall “ then why? You are my childhood brother and all, but why? Why do you want to leave so badly?”

Louis shook his head “ it's not that... for the past seven years I was working for this... I always wanted to be the CEO of one branch, they promised me one Niall and I worked hard for it...only four months ago they told me that the branch I might manage will be in New York.. seven years Niall...”

Niall nodded “ I don't know... I mean will you leave him..”

Louis was going to answer, when they heard loud voices coming from outside, and they all seemed familiar, when Naill and Louis recognized the voice they sprint towards the door but it was violently opened and an angry Zayn jumped inside and out of nowhere he punched Louis on the face.  
It took Louis time to absorb what just happened, when he looked at Zayn he was held by Liam, Niall and Gigi was trying to talk to him, beside them were Lottie almost crying

Louis stood well “ what was that for?”

Zayn was trying to sit himself free “ it was all your fucking fault, I knew it, I knew you were planning in something"

Liam was holding him strongly “ what are you talking about...”

Zayn was still looking at Louis , and if look could hurt, Louis would be bleeding now

Zayn yelled “ tell them, tell Liam..” then he looked at Naill “ and you knew?”

Liam was looking lost, but Louis understood what just happened, someone told Zayn about the leaving, and of course over protective Zayn would react exactly this way

Liam “ calm down Zayn...I don't understand"

Zayn yelled again “ Louis wants to leave to NY"

Liam “ no Harry refused..”

Zayn yelled again “ as if he give a shit, Harry was struggling for the last two weeks, he was having all the symptoms of his attack, but Louis didn't even notice, he was killing himself thinking, stressing himself and believing that you were cheating on him... “ then looked at Louis still yelling  
“but you didn't care , you only care about yourself just as usual, he had a heart fucking attack last week, and you still giving him a hard time worrying him about you...”

Louis was listening, he wasn't angry which was weird, maybe he believed all the words Zayn said, maybe he deserve that punch

Gigi to Zayn “ baby , please calm down...”

Zayn left his both hands as a surrender “ i'm fine..”

But still Niall and Liam were holding him, he said again “ I swear..” so the two men let him finally go,

Zayn looked at Louis for a second but then he left the room followed by Gigi.

Louis didn't blame Zayn actually, he knew how he loved Harry, how he always supported Harry, he was a brother and he knew it, and if that attack meant anything , it only meant that he cared.

They all left the room leaving Louis by himself, okay he blame himself for Harry, but now Zayn blames him too, and who knew who might join the list.

The door was opened and Liam entered, he was carrying some ice, he gave the bag to Louis, who was sitting now on a couch and he sat in front of him on the chair, his lips was obviously bleeding and he knew there was a bruise on the way, he put the ice on lips, and closed his eyes ready for the coming lecture,  
At the start neither of them talked, but then Liam started

“ I need to know what happened"

Louis looked at him, Liam was watching Louis, he needed an explanation “ this fight you said you had with him... was it about what Zayn just said"

If Liam was someone else, Louis would lose his temper, he would never let anyone interfere between his relation with his husband, but he knew how Liam was, if Zayn was close to Harry, then Liam was second close.

Louis just nodded, and Liam shook his head in disbelief

“ what happened?”

Louis took a deep breath “ I told him that I have to go to NY, we fought about it.... I... it's not ..”

Liam nodded “ he then had his attack?”

Louis nodded “ listen, I know it's my fault, but .... I never... I would never hurt him that way, if I only knew...”

Liam nodded “ I know how you love him.... but that was stupid, do you know how he was driving himself crazy”

Louis nodded “ he thought I was cheating..”

Liam “ not just cheating... he thought everything, every bad thing, he even thought you were sick and were hiding it”

Louis didn't know that ,Liam finally sighed “ Niall told me he can't remember"

Louis shook his head , Liam “ but he will, so you would better tell him yourself, Zayn promised he won't tell anything..”

Louis nodded, Liam stood to leave when Louis said “ i'm sorry..”

Liam looked at him , he then put his hand on Louis thigh “ you know how much I support the two of you, right?”

Louis nodded, Liam continued “ as long as you are happy, both of you, no matter where, but you both should be happy..”

Louis nodded “I don't know about it..”

Liam nodded “ he did a lot to be the Harry we know today, it didn't come over night Lou, he built his restaurant from ashes, don't take all of this away from him just suddenly..”

Louis “ you don't get it..”

Liam “ I know you love your job, I know you were dreaming of this, but when Harry dreams he sees the both of you...”

Louis “ don't make me look bad, i'm doing this for both of us... Liam I'm not happy here, and if I let this opportunity goes away I won't be Happy for a long time”

Liam “ you mean you won't be happy with Harry"

Louis sighed, putting the ice again on his bleeding lip  
Liam “ Louis, Harry knows what you did to him, he appreciated the help, the support, but don't you think you are oppressing him"

Louis “ I thought he would understand..”

Liam.” You are asking him of sacrificing all those years, don't you think it would take long for him to prepare himself"

Louis looked at Liam “ you think he will approve?”

Liam nodded “ what? Do you think he will turn you down..”

Louis “ he already did...”

Liam shook his head “ he was scared I’m sure, Harry will follow you where ever you are, why do you think Zayn is freaking out"

Louis calmed a little, that was Liam effect, he knew what to say and when

“ how is he?”

Liam “ Zayn? Crazy... but that's Zayn, you will never predict him, but at the end you know he wish you both happiness “

Louis smiled “ don't know about that...”

Liam stood finally, he tapped on Louis's shoulder and then left.

 

Louis waited till he calm a little bit, he knew that the twins were with Harry, so he didn't bothered them, although all he needed now was Harry to calm him down , Louis needed rest, his mind was killing him, and if he last like that for long he will cause himself a heart attack too.

All the day went smoothly after the drama, Louis avoided the twins, he couldn’t think of a reasonable explanation of his bruised lips, When Fizzy saw him she didn't utter a word, she distracted her sisters and moved with Lottie to go home, but before entering the elevator that leaded them down stairs, she turned her head to have a final look at her brother, she whispered “ okay?”

And Louis smiled nodding at her.

When his sisters left, someone called his name, when he turned to the source of the voice, she was Gigi  
He wasn't ready for this now, he tried to smile, and she got closer

“ I'm so sorry...” and she hugged him really tight

Then she looked at him “ I don't know how you survive all this without breaking down''

That's Gigi, she is smart, she is understanding, always remind him of his mom, and she will kill him if she knows, but her presence always sent relief to everyone around, she helped Zayn a lot among his anxiety, and everyone can notice her effect on him, he was so lucky to have her in his life, and after all Zayn deserves the best

Gigi “ i'm sorry about Zayn, you know he is stressed, and with Harry attack, and I wasn't in town...so he was losing his mind literally, he didn't mean to hit you..”

Louis stopped her now “ stop Gigi, don't defend him I know Zayn... I know why he did it, I mean he is right.. I was stupid I couldn't notice how Harry was stressing him self”

Gigi smiled nodding “ he is worried, he is not sleeping... barely an hour, and he wakes screaming...”

Louis “ he got his nightmare back?”

Gigi nodded “ I don't know, he is not talking... but I know it's all about Harry, you know how they are, I get jealous you know" she chuckled , so did Louis, he always fought about that relation, ever since he knew Zayn and he get this feeling.

Gigi “ I have to go, I just need to make sure you are okay..”

He smiled nodding “ thanks...”

Gigi “ if you need anything, don't hesitate to call, okay..”

He hugged her again, thanking her, and when she left him, he saw Zayn was waiting for her, he took her hand and they both left, and he knew that Zayn was sorry, and he wanted him to know he was sorry, Zayn is mysterious that's for sure, but Zayn is kind, and he always supported Harry, especially Harry's relation with him.

Louis entered Harry's room, he was asleep, it was after midnight, and Harry was exhausted, he moved and he saw that there was a spot beside Harry on the bed, so he slowly hopped on the bed and slept by him, and he prayed for solution.

2012

Harry and Louis were engaged over a year, they used to live together after their engagement, and it was the start of Zayn and Harry separation, Zayn and Harry literally lived together since childhood, Zayn always slept over with Harry when they were kids, when they got into college they were roommate, they were doing everything together, studying together, travelling together, having fun together, when Louis first met Harry it was the first time Zayn had to travel alone to Pakistan, his grandfather died and the whole family had to leave, so when Zayn returned 2 months later, Louis didn't except that kind of relation, at that time Louis didn't confess his love for Harry, he didn't even knew if Harry was gay or not, he knew Harry had a lot of girlfriends, but he couldn't help himself falling for him, but when Zayn showed it was a reason enough to make Harry define their relation, 

Zayn was always making Louis feel uncomfortable when they gather, he was looking weirdly at him, and when he saw Harry and Louis having a conversation he was getting angry and leave.

Later on he knew from Harry that Zayn was worried of that relation, Harry told him he like Louis and Harry didn't know he was gay at that time, Zayn wasn't against the idea but he was confused , Zayn didn't support this relations, but when Harry became gay Zayn supported him without a second thought

They were having an argument about Zayn, Louis wanted to travel at the weekend with Harry to Paris, but Harry refused because Zayn was in the depth of his disorder, and Harry was spending much time with him, and that always bothered Louis

They were in thier bed room getting ready for sleeping, but Harry refused the offer and that drove Louis insane  
He was yelling and shouting

“ I can't believe you are turning me down because of him"

Harry was on the other hand, calm “ 'm not turning you down.... i just can't leave him now... we have all the week ends in our life to go...”

Louis yelled “ but I need to go this weekend..”

Harry sitting in his bed “ and I can't leave him this way, we were at hospital 4 times this week Louis..”

Louis yelled again “ I barely see you.”

Harry “ i'm here now and you want to fight with me..”

Louis “ fuck Harry you know what I mean..”

Harry took a deep breath, he stood up and moved toward Louis, “ baby, I know what you mean, but this is Zayn that we are talking about..”

Louis was calming “ it's always Zayn Harry..”

Harry “ he is my best friend... I can't leave him”

Louis “ you always choose him..”

Harry frowned “ what does this even mean?”

Louis didn't speak, he looked at the floor instead,  
Harry “ he is my best friend, he always supported me, us, even this was against what he always believed..”

Louis “ it is against everyone beliefs Harry.. “

Harry “ but he stayed, he is Muslim, his religion, his beliefs , everything he was raised of was against the idea... but he stayed not just him, all his family , they all stood against their society and took my side"

Louis “ he stayed for you ...”

Harry insisted “ us... I came in a a full package baby...” 

he got even closer “ he really loves you, you just give him a chance..”

Louis sighed and he let Harry hugging him...

“ you always come first Lou... no matter what..”

Louis just nodded in his lap

“ I was really counting on this week end Hazza, I needed a time off"

Harry looked at him thinking, he then finally nodded  
“ okay..”

Louis raised his brows “ okay?”

Harry nodded “ if you really want to go, then we go... “

,Louis “ no you are mad"

Harry shook his head “ no, never, I mean it, I will follow you wherever..” louis smiled and he kissed Harry 

Although they didn't go, Louis changed his mind in the next day, he couldn't stand seeing Harry that worried, he hated to do this to him, but that night he knew what Zayn meant to Harry, and that night he started to change seeing Zayn as a thread, he gave him a chance and he didn't regretted it yet, that night he knew that he will be always number one for Harry, and Harry will follow him everywhere, and tonight in 2017, he remembered that event, and he wanted to slap himself for what he did to Harry recently.

When Louis opened his eyes, he was still by Harry, it was morning , sunshine penetrated though the window providing a new day,

Loius looked beside him and Harry was sitting by him, his back resting on the pillow, he was holding the remote of the tv on his hand, and when he looked at his face he seemed abstracted

“ good morning curly''

Harry looked at him, he smiled “ morning Lou..”

Louis sat well kissed him on the forehead, but Harry didn't respond

“ what time is it?” he asked

Harry looked at the TV “ almost 8”

Louis frowned “ why are you awake so early..” Harry didn't answer

Louis didn't know what was wrong with him,

“ what's wrong with you lips?”

And Louis remembered, he tried to cover his lip which now started to hurt

Harry still not looking. Louis sighed leaving the bed

“ did you got into a fight... wirh Zayn?”

Louis looked at him, but Harry still refused to look at him

“ i'm okay Harry...”

Harry nodded “ yeah, of course you are...”

Louis “ what's wrong with you today...”

Harry looked at him, and then he looked back at the TV

“Harry?”

Harry started “ you got a phone call...”, Louis started to get worry

“ from New York...” 

and now he can get panic,

Harry continued “ apparently they wanted to remind you to pay your last instalment”

Louis closed his eyes, he didn't know if Harry remembered or Zayn told him, he didn't know how to respond now, but he had to say something right this time

“ I was going to tell you..” 

“ for your house...” Harry completed

Harry looked angry, and that scared Louis, he looked at the machine that measure his heart beat beside him, and he was scared, he didn't want to upset Harry

“ I thought Zayn.... he promised he won't tell you..”

Harry nodded and then he looked at his lap

“ no body told me anything, I remembered..”

Louis was looking at Harry and then at the machine

“stop...” Harry said

Louis “ I don't know what to do..”

Harry “ I'm angry..”

Louis nodded “ I know..”

Harry “ you didn't change your mind... “

Louis “ I wasn't thinking Harry...you were here and I...”

He stopped he really didn't know what to say

Harry “ how much?”

Louis “ what?”

Harry sighed “ if you have enough money you would pay for it...”

Louis sighed “ can we not talk about it now, at least when you got home..”

Harry shook his head “ no, we will talk now..”

Louis “ Harry...”

Harry “ i'm not going ...”

Louis “/Harry we are not talking..”

Harry “ you should leave soon”

Louis stopped talking, Harry “ when?”

Louis “ Harry... please... I don't know what to do..”

Harry nodded , Louis “ I didn't ... I never thought this will lead us to this..”

Harry chuckled “ you mean my heart attack?”

Louis was shocked , was Harry blaming him for his attack, Louis was okay with this but does Harry think that Louis wanted to hurt him, Harry must knew what Louis was thinking because he said 

“ it was not your fault... I did this to myself" then he looked at him

“ will you go?”

Louis looked at Harry, Harry again was hurt, and Louis was lost, he wanted to tell him that he will stay, but he just can't , 

The door was opened and Niall rushed inside, 

Niall “ what the hill Harry..”

Louis didn't get it , he looked at Harry, who wiped his tears, and put the clip back to his finger, Louis didn't noticed that the machine was peeping, he was just looking at Harry trying to erase that look

“ Harry... what did you do..”

Louis looked at the machine, his heart rate was high, but Harry didn't talk

Niall “ don't you ever do this again... I thought your heart stopped"

Louis noticed that the room was full of nurses, all looked worried, 

Niall turned back and looked at Louis, then he asked the nurses to leave

When the room was empty, only Louis and Niall were there

Naill “ are you okay?”

Harry “ i'm fine Naill"

Niall was in front of the machine reading Harry's vital, 

“ you are not fine... why did you do that?”

Harry didn't answer, Niall took his blood pressure , but he knew there was something, Louis was watching everything steps away

When Naill finished “ ok... can you calm?”

Harry nodded “ can you leave me alone..”

Niall interrupted “ Harry you..”

“ I'm fine ... please leave me alone" he almost snapped  
Niall then looked at Louis who only looked at the floor  
Niall turned back at Harry 

“ what did you feel?”

Harry didn't answer, Niall then turned and moved towards Louis

“ could you please just go?”

Louis looked at him eyes wide opened , Niall “ i'm really sorry"

Louis nodded and he looked at Harry one last time he was still crying, he sighed and finally he left.  
He sat in front of Harry's room, and he cried, he felt like it was all he could do, he cried, and didn't bother to wipe his tears, Harry was angry again, Harry wasn't good again, because of him again, and this was too much.

Niall came outside closing the door behind him, he moved silently and sat by Louis, and finally he said

“ he is okay..”

Louis started to wipe his tears, and Naill gave him a tissue

“ he panicked, I guess you talked?”

Louis nodded “ he remembered...”

Naill “ he felt pain on his chest, and when the device worked he felt it and panicked, but he didn't want to worry you... so he moved the clip... I honestly don't know what he was thinking... I think he thought no one would knows, but we got the alarm.at the nursing odffficr, yoh know how it works”

Louis nodded, Louis was going to stand to get in, but Niall took his hand 

“ Lou..I guess he needs to he alone"

Louis looked at him, and then at the door,

Niall “ he will be ok..I promise"

Then Niall pager peeped, Niall looked at it “ shit...” he stood up “ it's duty call" he was going to run 

“ will you be okay?”

Louis nodded, and Nail left running, but Louis wasn't, he wasn't okay at all, he was so so lost and he was really getting tired , he wanted all that to over, but he didn't know how.

Harry avoided meeting anyone that day, he didn't want to see anyone, not even Louis's sisters and that hurt Louis, when Zayn showed Harry refused to meet him too, Zayn didn't push, so he decided to leave the hospital since he can't stay with Louis, he was calmer than last night , and he did try to talk to Louis , he made a quick apology and then he left.

At the night, when no visit was there, Louis entered Harry's room again, Harry was awake, when he saw Louis, he looked in front, Louis got closer and then he sat by him on the chair, Harry didn't object and that was a start

“ talk to me Harry..” louis finally said

But Harry didn't , Louis left his chair and stood by Harry's bed

“ Harry... I know I screwed up, I know.. but right now I don't know what to do, tell me what to do Harry..”

Harry didn't talk , he started to cry again, Louis placed his hand on Harry's “ baby... stop"

“don't go...” Harry whispered “ and don't make me choose"

Louis “ I can't Harry you need to understand..”

Harry then nodded “ then I think you already knew what to do..”

Louis “ woul..”

Harry “ go"

Louis “ we can't..”

Harry raised his voice “ if that what you want then just go, go Louis , do what you want...”

Louis looked at the machine again, Harry yelled 

“ stop looking at that, fuck, stop doing that, you don't care Louis..”

Louis was hurt, he knew that this wasn't true, and Harry knew it wasn't true, but this was his mess

Harry still yelling “ just go, leave, I can't even look at you right now..”

Then he stopped talking inhaling sharply, and no, Louis got closer frantically , he tried to touch Harry but he slapped his hand

“ leave .. me alone"

Louis “ calm...”

Harry yelled “ what part you don’t understand...just leave, please"

Harry begged, he begged Louis to leave him alone, the door again was opened and a nurse entered, Harry was ok, Louis looked at the machine ot didn't went crazy, then Liam showed

“ leave him Louis..” 

and Louis looked at Liam, he was hurt too, he looked at Liam begging to stay, but Liam showed him he understands really, but he still has to go, so eventually Louis again left Harry panicking, he left his husband for the third time alone because of this, because he has no any other choice, because he put himself and Harry In it.

Louis left the whole hospital, he got into his car and drove, he didn't know where to go, he didn't know how to cope, whenever he gets lost he used to call Harry, whenever he gets upset he talks to Harry, it always has been Harry, but now Harry was the only one he can't talk to .

It was dark, almost midnight, when Louis stopped his car in the place where the only one who ever understood and support him lies, his mother tomb, he sat on the ground in front of her stone, and he looked at it, he looked at it for a whole five minutes 

“ hi mom.... I miss you"

Then he sighed “ I really really need you right now" his voice cracked uttering the last word and then he cried

“ i'm lost mom and I don't know what to do, everything is crashing around me and i'm stuck.mom..” he cried harder 

“ Harry almost died, and I think I'm losing him, I don't know what to do”

He then nodded still crying

“ I know mom I know, this is all my mess, but I really don't know how to work it out, I don't know how to save this"

He wiped his tears, and calmed a little 

“ I think Harry is leaving me and I ... I can't mom, I can't lose him I won't survive I know... and I can't lose my job...”

He sighed passing his hands over his face

“ I wish you are here ... you would know what should I do....”

“ I love you mom" he then lied his back in the grass, and he closed his eyes and let himself cry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys, I hope you are enjoing, I want to apologize for the mistakes you might see, english is not my first language  
> I would love to know what do you think so far, and what do you think will happen between them


	5. It's hard to say goodbye- Celine Dion and Paul Anka

It was early morning in the Tomlinson's house, when the door bell went crazy, Louis was there alone, having a horrible headache already, so when the bell rang he rushed to open saving himself excess pain  
When he opened the door a yelling voice

" where the hell are you..” but she was smiling 

“ Gemma.. what happened?”

He gave her a room to enter closing the door behind her, he is glad she is here don't get him wrong but he knew how is become over protective for her brother, and right now he knew he is the enemy

She was looking at him “ I have been calling you...”

He remembered that his phone was lying upstairs on the nightstand beside his bed “ sorry... it's upstairs..”

She nodded “ alright... what is happening... and how dare you not telling me this, I waited for you to tell me Louis ...”

Louis nodded “ you talked to Harry?”

Gemma “ Harry barley said a word, I got a few pieces from here and there, and nothing make sense"

Louis “ I was planning to tell both of you when everything is perfect, I know you family thinks of every details..”

Gemma “ you should've told me, I waited for that talk for three weeks now..” when hr looked confused , she said “ lottie told me..” 

He nodded, but she continued “ I would get mad at the start, but I will eventually calm and think right and help you with Harry, you know I think okay when I'm calm”

Louis nodded “ I was preparing myself..”

She nodded “ okay I need a full explanation now"

Louis sighed “ come on, let's have some coffee"

And they moved together to the kitchen, she sat on the table chair and he was pouring the coffee “ what do you know ?”

She began “ all I know you were planning to go to Ney York, but Harry refused, and Niall mentioned you got yourself into shit,,, and skip the part where how this is important for you, cause Niall made it crystal clear that it was your dream since you were seven years old or something..”

Louis chuckled “ it is .. and I tried to resign...after what happened to him...my boss came to visit him and I told him but he mentioned something about the contract I signed with him..”

Gemma looked at him wide eyes , he sighed “ it seems that I was super excited when I signed it, and I skipped the part where there is a penalty clause...”

Gemma sighed “ oh God..”

Louis nodded “ obviously I 'm stuck...”

Gemma “ how much?”

Louis shook his head “ no... all my savings and Harry's, yours and my sisters won't pay for it... it's what they will pay my in this 3 years..”

Gemma shocked “ why? How much they gonna pay you..”

Louis smiled giving her her cup and sitting beside her “ yeah a lot.. it would be a complete life changing... but they deceived me though”

Gemma “ no... they only care about the job... not you.. no offence”

He smiled “ non taken... anyway.. this is not the full story..”

Gemma “ so you letting me know?”

He took a deep breath “ someone has to know, my mind is killing me..” he closed his eyes for a second

Gemma “ what about that House, I thought your company would care for this...”

He looked at her nodding “ there was a deal..”

Gemma whined “ what else did you do?”

Louis sighed “ I rented a restaurant...”

Gemma shocked “ you did what?”

Louis nodded “ it's in a great area at NY, I was thinking that Harry would be happy opening a new branch there, I mean People come all Over London to eat at his, so It would be great idea expanding, I know people suggesting that to him every once and while" 

Gemma nodded thinking, he continued “ the place they offered where close to my work but far from the restaurant, so I turned their offer down, and I got us a great house with a garden near, I know he loves to walk....”

“ but I took the cars..”

Gemma smiling “ you did think of everything , didn't you... then why you hid it?”

Louis sighed “ I want everything to be perfect Gemma, I mean I know what i'm doing to him, I know he has to sacrifice everything, but I needed it to be worthy.... I got his a restaurant I even called a company to help with the decorations and the marketing... I want him to love it..”

Gemma “ did you tell him any of this..”

He shook his head “ no, I was planning to tell him, but when we first talk it didn't went well... then he....and now every time I talk about it he freaks out... and I’m scared"

Gemma nodded “ it's bad .. he really doesn't want to leave..”

He nodded “ I know.... and I know Harry he is stubborn..”

She nodded finishing her coffee “ how can I help then?”

He raised one brow “ are you helping me convincing your brother to leave? You do understand New York is in US..right"

She looked at him unimpressed “ I do know, and it kills me, but it's your life, you are partners ... i'm not gonna stand on your way of happiness... and I know he will be okay with you..”

He shook his head “ I’m not sure about that..I mean if he comes with me, I 'm not sure he will still be happy"

She sighed “ well, you are his husband, you are the only one who knows .. you love him... he loves you, you will work this out..”

He sighed and closed his eyes, squeezing his eyes with his fingers “ I feel my head ia going to explode Gemma... I can't think, I can't sleep..”

Gemma nodded “ don't do this to yourself.. you will fall eventually..”

He looked at her “ what if I loose him?”

Gemma looked softly at him and placed her hand on his , “ sweaty, stop thinking this way...”

“ I almost did Gemma..and it's painful.. I can't stop thinking of him lying here.. not breathing... now I got nightmares.. me burying him under.. and it felt so real..”

,He was crying now, so as Gemma, she hugged him “ no Louis you don't get to say that, you don't get to dream that....”

He nodded still crying “ I'm sorry... sorry..”

Gemma stayed with Louis till he dressed and they together head towards the hospital. When they got near the room load voices was heard, laughter, then the door suddenly was opened and fours guys went outside, they were Harry's co-workers, they all hand shacked Louis when they saw him, and wished Harry a rapid recovery, Gemma entered the room followed by Louis , Harry wasn't alone , Zayn, Gigi, and Harry's friend Ed were there, Harry didn't noticed the new comers , he was caught in the moment with both Gigi and Ed and they were laughing, Harry was laughing, and Louis could swear he hadn't seen him laughing this much long time ago, Zayn was the one who noticed, 

“ here you are Gemma.. where have you been"

And with that Harry looked and saw Louis, his smile faded away , he looked nervous for a second but he then rebuild his normal face again, if Harry could trick anyone in this room, he never would trick Louis, and it hurts Louis, he came into recognition that he was the one who take his husband laugh away, and he is the one who was asking Harry to leave all this behind, Harry was happy here, and he didn't know what it would be if he left , will he be happy again

Louis hugged Ed, he didn't see him for months, he talked with him for a couple minutes, then Zayn told him that Niall was looking for him, so he excused himself, he needed to go anyway, he felt unwelcomed, and he didn't want to change Harry's mood.

In the staff room, Louis waited for Niall, and he finally showed, he looked exhausted as always, but there was something else, he wasn't Niall  
He sat by Louis without a single word, and that somehow scared Louis

“ everything ok?” 

Niall looked at him for a second then he finally smiled and nodded 

“ last night, you fought again?”

Louis started to panic “ he is ok right? I mean he is laughing and.. please tell me he is ok"

Niall sighed “ most patient should at least receive one shock during their first year Lou, but Harry received two already.. this is not good" Louis didn't know how to respond for that 

“ when was the second one...”

Niall sighed, Louis already knew the answer “ I talked to him this morning... he says he feels them, it kicks hard in his chest, do you know what that means? That they are strong shocks, it was not suppose to be strong..”

Louis said impatiently “ what are you trying to tell me Niall..”

Niall “ I’m saying the reason for his attack still there... he is stressed out... I mean do you know how does he feel... with your issues and your whole shift career and moving , and on the other side his heart condition... he is mentally not okay Louis, he was almost died, no he actually did and come back to us, do you know how does he think now?”

And of course Louis does, no one feels Harry like Louis

Louis “ what do you want me to do..”

Niall “ the two times he got shocked you were there..”

Louis almost yelled “ are you asking me to stop seeing him..”

Niall “ I’m his doctor..i’m in his medical forms, I take his medical decisions, we made this point clear before..so as his doctor I have to protect him from any threads..”

Louis yelled standing up “ I’m a thread now..”

Niall “ Louis... his body , his heart won't handle another attack, he will die..”

Louis “ what are you saying Niall... you want... he is my husband..”

Niall stood up “ I know, Lou... you have to fix this , you have to know how he feels, not just physically, his mind is killing him literally, it s not helping him..”

Louis “ I’m trying to help him, you are making me the enemy here"

Niall shook his head “ you aren't the enemy Lou, but you don't help him either, I did some tests this morning and I don't like the results , his heart is really exhausted and I don't know Lou ...you are stressing him, you want him to choose to come with you, you want him to be okay with this, but right now all he has to do is focussing on getting better, and you aren't helping..”

Louis almost whispered “ please, stop..”

Niall “have mercy on him..”

Louis was shocked , he never expected to hear these words, not from Niall, certainly not from Niall

Louis “ I can't do this, he won't forgive me if I do this..”

Niall looked anywhere but at Louis's eyes “ he wants this...”

Louis couldn't believe what he just heard, he didn't utter a word, but he left the room running toward Harry, this can't be Harr's desire, this can't be what Harry wants, and he needs to hear it from Harry so he believe.

When Louis opened the door, no one was with Harry, when Harry saw him, his features changed, Louis was shocked , was terrified, once Harry saw his face he knew what just happened

Louis got closer, breathing fast “ Harry..”

“it's okay...” Harry saw the panic on his face , but he was calm, he was soft, Harry already had decided

Louis sat in front of him “ Niall says I'm a thread... that I can't see you"

“ it's okay....” louis was barely breathing, Harry held his hands “ it's okay... now breath and listen to me”

Louis “ Harry...I ...”

Harry stopped him “ just listen...” and Louis nodded, 

Harry started “ I was thinking... and I knew I wasn't fair with you.... I can't ask you to stay, not when I know what this opportunity means for you, you should go, you should go and do what makes you happy..”

Louis “ I’m happy..”

Harry shook his head “ not here..”

Louis “ I’m happy with you"

Again Harry shook his head “ no you are not, you stopped being happy with me long time ago...”

Louis's tears started to fall , Harry “ it's my fault, if my husband isn't happy with me then it's my fault..”

Louis “ no...”

Harry presses hard on his hand, to stop him “ I got caught in my work, and I don't know how but I stopped paying attention to you... and you tried to tell me, I know now how much you did... but I was selfish there.. and I'm sorry ....” louis got even closer shaking his head, the distance is limited, 

Harry was crying now too “ and I let you slipped away....” louis cried “ Harry stop"

Harry shook his head, he cupped LOUIS's face with both his hands and he neared his face so their foreheads were touching

“ I let you slipped away, and you are not happy... and this is not what marriage suppose to be..”

Louis cried “ Harry don't do this...I love you..” 

Harry nodded “ I know... I love you too baby, very...but this is not enough... marriage is understanding, sharing... sacrificing and .... nothing, we do nothing of this...”

Louis “ I’m sorry Harry... I’m so sorry please...” he cried harder now

Harry tried to hold his tears too, to act strong “ shhh, baby, shhh, don't say a word...” 

Louis “ you're leaving me Harry...”

Harry “ I’m trying to save both of us... I want to be okay again... and I can't" he cried “ I can't when you are around..”

Louis sobbed, and Harry broke the touch , he looked at Louis's eyes, those eyes he loves the most

“ I know you should leave" he nodded “ I called your boss and he told me about the contract..” he tried to laugh “ you implicated yourself pretty much there”

Louis tried to control his tears , Harry “ I got you... It's okay, you will be okay, I paid for the house... and you will be okay..” 

Louis couldn't believe Harry, that's Harry, even in his situation, he stood up, made things right, but is this right, is leaving him right

Louis “ Harry, I won't survive without you...” 

Harry shook his head “ you will be okay... I can't leave for two months...” 

Louis “ I will wait....” Harry shook his head “ we need a break”

A break, there is no such a thing calls a break, a break means separation, means a fake divorce, but it still is a divorce and Louis won't let this happen

“ what are you talking about..”

Harry “ we need to think... rearrange our priorities..”

Louis “ don't do this..”

Harry continued “ right now I need to focus on getting better..” 

Louis “ Harry..”

Harry ignored “ and you need to focus on your job.. you need to prove yourself there.. and we both can't do this if we stick together..” 

Louis cried again, held Harry hand and kissed it “ don't do this ,please....”

Harry cried but now he didn't look at Louis “ it's for our best....please don't make it harder"

Louis shook his head “Harry, don't do this”

Harry “ I can't.. I have to"

Louis cried harder now, and Harry looked at him, and slowly he took him in his embrace, and together they cried, they cried like never before, and they didn't know if they are going to cry together again or not.

A week has passed, Louis didn't see Harry as he promised, as Harry asked, a week where he became addicted to sleeping pills, he hated sleeping cause of nightmares, and hated waking up for real cruel world.  
Harry was dismissed from hospital, he stayed with Zayn , it was temporarily, just till he can stay alone, which no one would ever let him

Louis was grateful for Zayn, he knew he would take a good care of Harry without bothering him, and he was sure that Harry picked Zayn for that reason although the competition was tense, everyone offered his place for Harry, everyone they knew, but who could beat Zayn, absolutely no one.

Louis was at a cafe waiting for someone, when it hit him, this was his last day in London, he can't come till Christmas, which was in two months, a lot could happen in those months, a lot could change, Louis whole life changed in two weeks, let about two months.

“ sorry for being late" said Zayn sitting in front Louis “ work is crazy there and with Harry not showing...” then he looked at Louis and stopped

Louis looked different, lost weight, extra weight, looking exhausted, Zayn knew he wasn't okay but he had to ask

“ are you okay ?”

Louis tried to smile, of course he is not okay “ fine, how is he,?”

Zayn “ no, he is not fine too..”

Louis nodded, Zayn “ I will try my best to make him comfortable”

Louis nodded “ that's.. i'm sure of"

Zayn “ will you be okay?”

Louis sighed “ I really don't know..”

Zayn “ I hate things turned up this way...”

Louis nodded “ well, I still don't know how I let this happen...;” Zayn only nodded

“ thank you" said Louis  
“ for taking care of him, with you I know he will be okay... and thank you for helping knowing that he will be okay"

Zayn smiled softly “ anything for you... I know you will get together Lou..”

Louis shrugged “ yeah... I live for that actually" and Zayn smiled

Then Louis gave him a bag, Zayn frowned ,and Louis explained “ I know he took his belongings, but those are some books he ordered before his attack they just arrived, and I put some dvds he loves to watch them in winter when it gets cold, he also forgot his beanies so I put them, I put his extra inhaler... I always kept it with me in case he got his asthma and we can't find his, I think you should do the same... I mean it gets bad in winters... and ...” Zayn was smiling, he finally placed his hand on Louis

“ he will be okay, relax” Louis nodded “ it's .... it has been a long time Zayn... I know everything and I... can't let go"

Zayn smiling “ no one asking for letting go, no you should hold on , and hope"

Louis looked at him “ do you want us to get back?”  
Zayn confused “ what?”

Louis “ I know you are... you don't support this relations"

Zayn sighed “ not again... we talked about this for years" louis didn't talk, so Zayn “ no I don't support them, and yes I want you back and don't you dare asking me how or why... cause I have no clue... I just ... I love him and want him to be happy, and I know he is happy with you..”

Louis looked at him, and he understood him, he would do the same for Niall, he will support him no matter what he believes in, and he will never ask himself if that was right or wrong, Zayn understands Harry, he believes in him, he knew what Harry had to go through because of sexuality, Zayn gone through a lot because of his religion, so the two of them understands each other, and that what really matters.

 

In front Zayn house, a car stopped on the other side of the street, 

Niall who was driving

“maybe you should just get in..”

Louis was looking at the house , he shook his head “ no... he asked me not to say goodbye, goodbyes defines what we are in...”

Niall only nodded, Louis beside him was looking through the glassed window at Harry, he was sitting on the sofa, covering with his beloved grey blanket, reading a book, Louis was looking at his face, he looked calm, he looked like when he was in home, then Zayn showed giving him a cup of tea, it's 9 pm, the time for Harry's tea, Harry took his cup and gave Zayn a wide smile, Zayn must have said something funny, cause he laughed, and Zayn was talking laughing, they both looked excited, and that hurt Louis, that was his place to make Harry laugh, to make Harry tea, to give him talks and making him excited, Harry was a good listener always interested in details, at least now Harry has Zayn, which means he will be okay, but Louis is alone, he will be alone for long time now, he won't try to fix things now, he will do what he promised Harry, he will care about his job, and he will let time heal their wounds, he will let fate control their destiny.


	6. Always in my mind - michel buble

Louis was celebrating one month in New York, it was not celebrating by what it means, but he was drinking, alone, in his large house, 

It was the way he and Harry used to celebrate anything, together , alone, aside from any other, just the two if them, drinking and talking.

Louis was doing really well, he killed himself in the job, he wanted to distract himself, I mean that what he wanted right,

He was doing away better than he imagined, and he was doing nothing but work work work work, the only thing that was bothering him was the weekends, when he has no work to do, where he had to stay alone doing nothing trying to avoid thinking of Harry.

He was alone, he didn't make friends, although his charisma wasn't really helping him, a lot of people were trying to friend him, he found it weird somehow, he always believed that this was Harry's job, making friends, Harry was something else, people were collapsing in front of his smile, males and females, gays or straight that didn't really matter, he was friendly,and people loved that, he knew what to say and how and where, and that was something Louis never learnt.

Louis was in front of his laptop, it was his face time with Lottie, he was excited for it, it was a thing they used to do in the weekends, even when they were in London

“ we are doing great, and the twins are driving me crazy Lou, I swear to God... it's exhausted" Lottie on the screen talking

He smiled “/I know.. I wish I could help..”

He smiled back “ oh you do, you are doing enough baby they need nothing..”

He smiled “ so tell me, how is Fizzy?”

Lottie sighed “ I guess she is better...she finally came into peace with this whole drama..”

Louis shook his head “ she still not talking to me..”

Lottie “ she will..” she sighed then she looked at the screen “ he is okay...”

Louis knew who she meant, although he never asked, but she always give him a full report about him

“ he is gaining his shape back, and guess what he is starting his practice in two days and he is extremely happy about it...”

Louis smiled and avoided looking at his sister  
“ hay handsome..”

Louis looked back and it was Gemma, she took Lottie's place “ how are you there...”

Louis “ I miss you Gemma.. what are you doing here? Where are you anyway...”

Gemma smiling “ it's Gigi's birthday.. we are at her place..”

Louis nodded, Gigi's birthday only mean one thing, Harry was there

Gemma “ we miss you.. when are you coming back..”

Louis “ next month..”

Gemma was screaming now looking at something Louis can't see “ you leave this... I said leave it.. I swear..” then she left the place and Louis was left alone  
Lottie sat again in her place laughing at Gemma “ she is mad... and she is still angry at Harry for not staying with her, she will kill him in a month"

Louis chuckled “ she wasn't this way, I mean I know her before the kids she was normal...”

Lottie smiled “ she is nothing like Anne, I guess Harry is the male version of her, if he had kids one day, he will be a good daddy and you are lucky" 

She smiled and Louis tried to, they never discussed children together, although he knew how Harry would love this, and he knew if he had asked Harry he would found that Harry had created a full family in his mind with the number and names and he might even had imagined how they looked, 

Lottie knew she did something stupid, so she wanted to change the topic

“/so... enough talking about here, tell.me about New York, is it the city of dreams?”

Louis smiled “ well, I really don't know...”

Lottie “ come on, you have to leave that filthy house of yours and have a little fun..”

Louis looked offended “ it's not filthy... it's amazing" 

Lottie nodded thinking “well you are right actually, it looks wonderful, I can't wait to visit ... but anyway, you should have some fun... you deserve it, staying alone in that big empty house is a little bit scary..”

Louis sighed , they had this conversation like million times before “ I'm really not in the mood..”

Lottie insisted “ then create the mood, you were always loud, what happened to you... you need some fun Louis, please" 

louis “ I’m okay the way I am"

Lottie sighed “ I know.. please , just promise me..” 

Louis’s phone rung, he looked at it and then put it back, he shook his head

Lottie frowned “ who is it?”

Louis “ Steve..”

Lottie “ your American friend Steve" louis laughed at this , she always calls him this and he always laugh “ the one and only..” 

Lottie “ what does he want?”

Louis “ same thing you want, going out..”

Louis almost yelled “ then go... please.. you were asking for the mood and here is it..” 

Louis “ Lottie" 

Lottie stopped him “ answer the phone...come on"

Louis sighed and finally answered “ hi Steve... yeah man same... well..”

He looked at his sister, she was listening eyes wide open, he didn't want to disappoint her, and some fun won't hurt anyway

“ okay... I will be ready... okay..”

And Lottie raised her hand in a celebration way  
Louis laughed “ happy now?”

Lottie “ as long as you are..now go get ready..”

When Louis left, and Lottie turned her laptop off, she sighed without turning back

“ you could have said hi , you know" then she turned to face Harry who was standing at the door frame

“ Lottie.. we talked..”

Lottie left the chair “ no, you talked, we listened we obeyed... but that doesn't mean we support this..”

Harry “-Lottie...”

She shook her head “ no I’m not doing this now” 

Harry “ it for the best..”

Lottie argued “ whose best... cause obviously not his... this is not my brother , he is totally lost and I can't do anything and I hate it..”

Harry “ Lottie.. “

She shook his head again “ no, it's Gigi's birthday, I’m not ruining her day”

She was leaving but he held her hand “ Lottie.. you are mad"

She snapped yanking her hand “ I am...what were you thinking.. why it always has to be about you..”

Harry tried to get closer but she stopped him with her hand on his chest , she said without looking at his face “ I can't do this anymore..,”

Harry was shocked , but she continued “ you are okay now, so... I just can't"

Then she left Harry. 

Late night at Zayn’s house, Liam and Harry were sitting at the kitchen, eating and drinking, Zayn wasn't getting home that night, he was spending it with Gigi

“ you really don't have to do this Liam. I’m not a kid I don't need a babysitter” 

Liam sighed drinking from his glass “ God Harry, you have said this ten times now... I know, but I need to, like old days""

Harry sighed, but he didn't talk

Liam “ what? If that bother you that much I ..”

Harry shook his head “ what? No , no of course not, it just....”

Liam put the glass down “ okay I know there is something, so bring it in"

Harry “ Lottie hates me...”

Liam looked at him, but he bit his lower lips without talking , Harry surprised “ aren't you saying anything about it?”

Liam “ what do you want to hear, she doesn't hate you but she is mad, he is her brother...”

Harry “ I though she was supporting this..”

Liam frowned “ of course she is not, no one of Tomlinson family supports that, Harry ,Louis is family, I mean not even Nial..”

Harry “ and you?”

Liam sighed “ I know you have got your reasons Harry..”

Harry looking at him expecting “ but?”

Liam “ but .. this is killing him Harry, I just talked to him yesterday and it hurts...” Harry sighed , it does hurt, he saw him with Lottie, and he knew Louis was in pain, Louis wasn't okay

“ it just a break..”

Liam “ he doesn’t see it this way, he thinks you are leaving, he thinks he has lost you..”

Harry “ he didn't though"

Liam sighed “ Harry, you are an adult, you knew what is the right for you and you made it, and you were right to some extent, you do need to focus on getting better.. and he needs to know what he really wants"

Harry “ I love him Liam, I thought I can do this easily but I just... it really hurts, and now he thinks I hate him and he is not okay, I know he is not..”

Liam “ Harry stop thinking like this, you are panicking yourself, do you do the breathing technique Naill told you about..?”

Harry nodded he took a deep breath, Liam placed his hand on Harry's “ all we need now is you to get better, and you will, and he eventually will understand, not now but he will"

Harry was hurt too, a lot was in his mind right now, he misses Louis, of course he does, he though distance was going to work things out, but right now he started to believe he was wrong.

Next week Harry already started hits Gym classes, and to his surprise, his couch was someone Harry used to know since college, he was a good guy, but Louis always hated him around Harry, he knew Harry's condition very well, and he was very caring, that what Harry felt.

It was the first of December, the month of celebrations, it was Louis's month, Harry used to celebrate with his own way, he was cooking for him every day a different meal, they were traveling every year to a different place where they would be alone, Harry was always making him a surprise party and no matter how Louis tried to figure out he would always fail.

When Harry opened his eyes that day, he hated the day already, he fought himself to go to the gem, where he should practice, his schedule was not crowded of course, it was all he had to do for the day, only 30 minutes practice, even if he wanted to practice further, his couch would never let him, he understood his accurate condition, even if his heart was doing okay, Harry's stitches were two months old, and they won't risk reopening them, and let's not talk about his rips.

In his gym hall, Harry was distracted, he was on treadmill, he has to work where his heart rate would be under 130 at the start, and when Harry full recovered they will see.

“okay... stop stop...” then there was a hand showed in front Harry and turned the machine off, Harry gradually stopped walking and when he looked at the one, he was his couch,

“ what the ... Josh?” Harry asked confused

Josh, was looking at the machine , then he held Harry's rest to check the heart beat on his heart rate bracelet“ shit Harry... “

When Harry looked his heart beat reads were almost 200, 

“ I have been calling you .... you were suppose to walk for 15 min Harry...you are almost 30”

Harry now came back to reality, he came down the treadmill “ i'm okay''

His couch who was angry and concerned now, followed him “ no you are not, you need to sit, we need to gain your heart beat to normal"

Harry looked at his heart rate bracelet, next to ICD bracelet, his heart rate was not getting back “ relax I will be fine..”

Josh still walking behind him “ I still have to call Niall..”

Harry turned to him “ no, i'm fine , it will get back to normal within minutes.... please"

Then Harry sat on a deck at the corner , Josh was standing in front of him, still worried, Harry looked at him “ i'm fine..”

Josh nodded, and then he sat by him “ this is wrong Harry, you can't do this, you can't do this behind my back.. I can't help you"

Harry was shaking his head “ it's not like that I swear, it just... i'm a little bit distracted..”

Josh nodding again “ yeah I know , I saw it on your face since you came... what's wrong?”

But Harry shook his head refusing to talk, looking at the ground beneath him,

Josh nodded taped on Harry's knee “ it's ok mate.. listen... i'm gonna finish in fifteen... wait for me and let's go and drink something... like old days...as your friend.. come on...”

Harry finally smiled, and when he looked at Josh , he found him looking at Harry's wrist, Harry smiled wider, Josh was checking his beat again, and Harry remembered Louis, that what Louis would do, he would sit and talk and make sure everything is okay, somehow, Goish reminds him of Louis, and somehow it sounds okay to Harry.

At a cafe, they both were sitting and talking , drinking their drinks, it was a closed area, the weather was freezing out there, they both were enjoying their hot chocolate, other common thing they shared.

“ I know they all not supporting me though... I mean they all like have to take sides, Niall and Louis's family at one side, my sister, Liam... and Zayn on my side, and it's sucks...”

Josh nodding, playing with his straw, looking at his drink

Harry lookd at him “ what are you doing...”

Josh looked at him “ you really want my opinion, right?”

Harry “ yeah, that's why i'm talking, I need someone who is out of all this.... I need to know if I did right or wrong..without thinking about my feelings or looking at my heart beat" 

Josh smiled “ I think you didn't deserve what he did, he can't make you choose, he can't force you... I mean, he doesn’t own you... you are not his slave..”

Harry was annoyed by this, he frowned and was going to talk, but 

“ i'm sorry... I didn't mean that... all I mean is, you are partners... you should think together... he did a big massive mistake... and he let you to fix it ... and you chose yourself... it's okay to be selfish when you think about your health...I don't think you did anything wrong... I just hope he sees the right in it...”

Harry was confused, 

“ I mean... you say he hates you... if he thinks that you are punishing him then it's not working... you are giving him time to think.... to appreciate you... to know what he was about to lose, and if it didn't happen...then..” he sighed “ some relations aren't suppose to work..” 

Harry was shocked.., 

“i'm not saying you are not working... you both have sometime apart... so you both can think...you should think if this is working or not... if he is the one who deserves you or not..”

Harry hastily “ Louis is the one...”

Josh nodding “ okay.. he is... but if he is the one then you should start thinking why he is not taking you seriously..”

Harry was still looking at Josh while he raised his hand for the cheque.

On their way home, he was confused, he was thinking of josh’s words, wasn't Louis taking him seriously, was he underestimating Harry and thinking that he can force him to leave all his life behind as his slave, what ever came across his mind wasn't helping Louis at all, and gradually Harry started again to think that this was the right thing to do.

The following two weeks, Harry was spending much times with Josh, sometimes he would spend the whole day with him, talking, watching movies, cooking food all together, Josh was understanding, caring, and most important he treated Harry normally.

When Harry went home after along day with Josh, he found Zayn at the kitchen, sitting on chair, his leg resting on the table drinking something Hot, Harry entered the kitchen to drink some water, and he saw Zayn, and Zayn was angry  
Harry looked at him resting the water glass on the sink

“ what's wrong?”

Zayn trying to contain his anger “it's Monday Harry..”

Harry nodding, thinking what does it even mean

Zayn “ what we were suppose to do on Monday..”

And it hits Harry, they were suppose together to meet their designer, to discuss some changes before Christmas for the restaurant decoration..  
“ shit..”

Zayn nodded “ I waited for you out side the gym like a freaking mother, and you didn't show up... finally someone told me you left..”

Harry nodded “ I’m sorry, I'm so sorry Zayn... I was with Josh and..”

Zayn nodded looking terribly annoyed “ yeah.. of course Josh..”

And Harry gone mad “ excuse me... what does that mean?”

Zayn “ I don't know Harry, what does that mean?”

Harry “ fuck off Zayn.. you are not telling me what to do"

Zayn “; I’m not..”

Harry yelled “ then stop doing it..”

Zayn was still calm “ do what... you just feel guilty so don't get mad at me..”

Harry “ what the... what are you talking about...”

Zayn “ first of all ... you need to calm so we can talk..”

Harry yelled again “ I can be whatever I want stop treating me like that.. God"

Zayn now raised his brows , he didn't expect that , he knew his friend very well and he knew that Harry will act exactly like that

“ stop doing it, stop this defence mechanism... being angry so no one can talk to you..”

Zayn left his seat “ you want to know what I’m talking about... here, I think .. no I know you are spending much time with your couch... time more than normal.. you are spending days with him"

Harry protested “ he is a friend."

Zayn “ is he?”

Harry “ God Zayn , not everyone I spent sometime with, I should be sexually attracted to him"

Zayn “ I didn't say you are... it would be normal to spend some days with anyone... but not everyday... what does it even mean..”

Harry yelled “ it means we are friends.. why does it matter...”

Zayn almost yelled “ why he is important..” 

Harry yelled back “ cause he cares... he knew what I want.. he doesn't treat me like I made of glass"  
Zayn “ fuck Harry... are you blaming us for being worried..”

Harry calmed a little “ he worries to, but he is not afraid to say anything to me like you are .” 

Zayn “ of course he isn't... because he wasn't there, he didn't see you there dying... do you understand what we have passed through... one of your friends cut your chest open... do you know how scary this is , and the other brought you back...I watched you while they were trying so hard to save your bloody arse, you fucking died Harry, and no we are not doing that again...”

Harry knew what he just did, but he was angry “I didn't mean this..”

Zayn “ then what... you are replacing us... you need someone to talk to... well you had us all... even your husband who is dying there alone waiting for maybe a phone call to remind him that you are still together... oh and his name is Louis by the way..”

Harry stared at Zayn, eyes wide opened “ what does it mean? Do you think I cheat on him..”

Zayn sighed looking away “ I don't know what you are doing...”

He calmed , looking back at his childhood friend “ Harry... I’m your friend... I may worry about you ... like all the time.. but I’m not gonna stand there doing nothing while you are ruining your marriage”

Harry “ I am not... oh God.. no one understands, no one supports me I know..”

Zayn “ I support you...I support the time off.. I totally get it, but I can't support this..”

Harry “ I’m not cheating... he is a regular guy that I want to be friend with..”

Zayn exhaled “ Harry ... stop it.. you know you can't do this" 

Harry “ and why is that? “

Zayn “ because he is in to you... since college..”

Harry was leaving getting angry again “ not again... I’m not doing this”

Zayn followed “ no... you are not walking away from me... he is in to you..”

Harry turned to him “ he is not.. it was a long time ago Zayn...”

Zayn “ he is... he never stopped... and you can't friend someone who is in to you Harry.. you know better" 

Harry sighed, he wanted this conversation to stop  
Zayn softly 

“ Harry... I don't want to fight with you... not because of your heart... because we are friends... and I care about you... and it hurts me to see you this way...you are confused.. and weak... and I’m afraid that he might take advantages on you.. Harry please"

Harry nodded, didn't want to talk any more “ ok... thanks for caring... but he is not... now can I please go have some rest..” Zayn nodded and he left a room for him to pass.

 

That night Harry couldn't sleep, he was exhausted of thinking, he was confused, and he was scared , what if Zayn was right, what if Josh really had feeling for him, what if he started to had feeling for Josh, he still loves Louis that was a certain thing, but deep inside he started to like being with Josh

Next morning, when Zayn entered the kitchen, Harry was there, sitting on.one chair and drinking his coffee.  
Zayn confused 

“ you are up early?”

Harry nodded, Zayn turned to pour some coffee, but he saw plates of pancakes, donuts, waffles and muffins, it was like there was a visit to the pastry house.  
Zayn looked at Harry more confused

“ very early?”

Harry walked towards him “ i'm sorry?...”

Zayn smiled “ you did this all?”

Harry looked at his work and nodded, Zayn “ Harry.... you really shouldn’t, I’m not even mad at you...” 

Harry “ I know... I was mad, not at you... but at me..” 

then he went back to his seat followed by Zayn who sat by him, he kew Harry wanted to talk, and he was waiting for Zayn to listen

Harry started “ it's his birthday this month....”

Zayn nodded, he knew how December was for Harrh and Louis

Harry “ I miss him Zayn...his birthday is next week... and I can't stop thinking of him, I needed to put my mind in something else... and since I can't go to gym ot work or travel... actually do anything else... so Gosh was there, all the time...I mean you are at the restaurant and I know how busy schedules this month, Liam and Naill are all the time at the hospital, and I hate hospitals, Lottie and Fizzy hate me, Gemma... well I can't spend every day with Gemma.. she will kill me..or her kids.. the point is I need something in my mind..”

Zayn was listening, and finally 

“ why?” 

Harry looked at him confused , but Zayn continued 

“ I mean... that was the point of the break, right, everyone to think of his priorities, and you can't stop thinking of him... so he is your number one Harry, you don't have to.put your mind in anywhere else, you need to call him and you need to tell him..”

Harry “ you want me to call him?”

Zayn shook his head “ no, if you don't want to call him , don't, i'm just saying ....if that what you think of... then I think you knew your answer already..”

Harry nodded “ I don’t know what to do... he didn't call me though..”

Zayn “ you know Louis better, you asked him not to... and no matter how he feels.. he won't “

Harry sighed, covered his face with both of his hands “ it's killing me..”

Zayn smiled “ it will end soon...” the. He stood

Harry hastily “ where are you going?”

Zayn confused “ work...”

Harry nodded stood to “ good, good i'm ready..”

Zayn stopped moving, Harry “ you won't leave me alone here... you should take me with you'';

Zayn “ no" 

Harry “ come on please, I miss work.. I promise I won't do anything.. just stay there.. treated as a guest..”

Zayn “ no..the minute you put your feet there... you will be boss Harry... and everyone there loves boss Harry... they are dying waiting for you...and Niall is killing me... I’m not risking that"

Harry sighed “ Zayn...”

Zayn “ no... you will kill yourself there”

Harry “ oh come on...”

Zayn looked around him “ I got a better idea"

 

In front of the Tomlinson family's house  
Harry and Zayn still in the car, Harry looking wt the house

“ I miss them so much.. but they all hate me... even Fizzy.. she stopped talking to me"

Zayn sighed “ no one hates you... and to make you feel better, Fizzy is not talking to Louis too...now go" he gave him a bag , from the behind seat, full of everything Harry made this morning  
Harry took the bag “ I don't know... I don't want to upset them"

Zayn sighed “ Harry... you wanted time to fix yourself.. you are doing better, now it's time to fix people you hurt..”

Harry nodded, finally he opened the car and left.

When Harry rang the bell, he was worry, he love the girls, so much, they were family to him, after the incident with Lottie, he tried to call her, she didn't answer, he called Fizzy but also she didn't answer, he decided to give them some time and try not to bother them, but it killd him how they were alone, and need him, and yet he can't see them because they are hurt, and he is the reason.

Lottie opened the door, once ahe saw him, she sighed “ what do you want Harry?”

He wasn't shocked, he expected that, he knew how Lottie was, she was like Louis at same point “ sorry"  
He smiled raising the bag in front of herface, she left one brows 

“ what's in it?”

He smiled “ pancakes, muffins, waffles, and donuts..”  
She tried to hide her smile and act calm “home made?”  
He put the bag down “ yeah..”

Lottie still acting tough “ yours or Zayn's?”

He smiled , he knew what comes next “ mine"

She looked at the bag, and then she left him room to enter .

At the kitchen, she followed him while he rested the bag on the kitchen board, she took his place and started to empties the bag,

“ you just miss the twins...they just left to spend christmas with dad..”

Harry “ what no?”

Lottie “ why not? It's already ruined"

And Harry didn't talk, she still blames him and he won't start a fight, “ just me and Fizz... or just me, since she is not talking to anyone"

She finally turned to face him eating one donut “ you didn't visit"

Harry “ I called, you didn't pick up"

Lottie “ I was angry... I’m still angry..”

Harry “ I know... I know... I’m trying to fix things here..”

Lottie “ fix things with your husband first" 

Harry kept silent, Lottie nodded “ anyway... not my matter, Fizz is up stairs, maybe you can convince her to open up or anything, I’m really worried" 

 

When Harry enetered FIzzy's room , she was on her bed, sitting, playing with her phone

“ can I come in..”

She looked at him, and then she looked in front, she ignored him, but he entered anyway.

“ I know you are angry...”

No talking

“ what can I do to fix this Fizz..” he sat by her on bed

“ how could you do this Harry, you abandoned us..”

Harry was shocked “ what..no. never.. why would you say that... what happened between me and your brother had mothing to do with you"

She started to cry “ you just left us alone, just like him"

Harry sighed getting closer “ no one is leaving you..” 

she chuckled “ yeah.. right"

Harry “ Fizz.. I'm here, I'm always here...”

Fizzy cried, but didn't talk

Harry was scared, he didn't know what was her wrong, he wanted to help “ talk to me Fizz"

She just hugged him really tight and cried “ I really hate that...”

He tapped on her shoulder while she continued

“ you were the best ever, and I was the luckiest having you both in my life, and now... you are having a divorce and he is not coming back...”

And no, this is not right

“ shhh shhh baby... what are you talking about... no one is having divorce"

She left his lap “ you are... what ever you are calling it Harry, it's divorce, and it kills him... he is hurt and he is alone and I can't call him, I can't stand his voice now"

Harry placed his hand on Fizzy's , it hurt him what he was seeing, his young sister was hurt , and again he was the reason for all of this

“ I know it's your life Harry, and I know you will do what makes you happy... but please don't do this...”

Harry “ Fizzy... Fizzy stop ok... everything will be ok... I promise, i'm not leaving you, I'm not leaving Louis... I promise"

Then he hugged her and tried to calm her “ it will be okay"

She whispered “ promise?”

He nodded kissed her hair “ promise"

After 10 minutes Fizzy finally calmed, she went downstairs with Harry, she couldn't resist his donuts, well no one can resist them. 

 

NEW YORK

 

This week was different for Louis, he was coming home , he was seeing his family again, his sisters who were pretending that they were okay, but he knew they weren't, his friends who he knew they missed him like he missed them, and of course Harry, he misses Harry, and he was going to see him, whether Harry liked it or not, he will see him, he promised himself he is letting the new year came and Harry and him are still not together.

“ you are smiling... well he can smile ladies and gentlemen"

Saying Steve when he entered Louis's office, Louis has now a big office , it was all for his on, well he is the CEO, so of course he will have the biggest office at the building

Steve was a good guy, Louis likes him, he was one of the few that can enter your heart without permission, he didn't let Louis to stay the two months alone grieving , he shows up every time he can, and takes Louis to different places, Louis enjoyed his presence, and it made at least the time pass easily on him

“ I’m coming home “ said Louis looking at Steve

Steve smiled and sat in front Louis on a chair “ that's agood news... I hope everything works with you and Harry..”

And yes Louis told him about Harry

Louis sighed “ yeah ... I wish... I never spent Christmas without Harry... actually he always made this whole month special for me"

Steve “ why this month..”

Louis smiled “ my birthday is in CHRISTMAS eve...”

Steve “ wow... it's your month then..”

Louis “ yeah it is.. so tell me, what are you doing on Christmas... any plans?”

Steve shook his head “ not really.. you know single... orphan... no brother or sisters... so I will spend it like every year, in any night club"

Louis showed compassion “ oh... you know, you can come"

Steve “ what?”

Louis excited “ yeah, Harry would love to have you, actually he says Christmas is for everyone, he has a Muslim friend, and he force him to celebrate Christmas every year with us..”

Steve smiled “ I would love to, but ... not this year, you need to fix things with him first, you need every possible minute with him, being there means you should take me every where around London, you know how excited can I get"

Louis smiled “ I don't know, I hate to leave you here alone"

Steve smiled “ i'm always here and alone, it's really okay... next time I see you, I need to meet that one that brings smile to your face again...”

When Steve left the office, Louis was getting ready to leave, but he took the last look at the frame he put on his desk, his pic with Harry, and he was ready, he got Harry something he would like, he even made his speech, he will win Harry back, this last two months were too much for him , and he will regain Harry back to his life,


	7. Say something - a great big world and Christina Aguilera

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is really heartbreakin, but it's not the end... so.keep going with me

It waws still early morning when Louis arrived, he didn't tell anyone, he wanted to surprise them all, he arrived at his birthday and for the first time he was excited about it, he had already made his plan, he will go to Harry, apologize for whatever Harry was angry about, trying together to fix this, and they will kiss and all the drama will finally came to an end.

Louis dressed nicely, took Harry's box that had the present he bought, he looked around him, and his heart hurts, even the house misses Harry, misses his smell, misses his energy, he couldn’t t sleep an hour without Harry, he promised himself he won't sleep on that bed again without his love of his life.

When Harry opened Zayn's house door, he was shocked

“ oh my God... tell me I sent the text"

Gosh smiled entering the house “ you did...”

Harry closed the door , but he was confused, Harry hadn't seen Gosh whole this week, and today they were suppose to go to gym together, but Harry cancelled the night before

“ and I know you wouldn't come any way... are you avoiding me Harry...”

Harry was nervous now, he didn't know what to say “ wh... no .. why?”

Gosh smiled “ I know you are.... but I don't know why" this man is strong, this man has a great self confidence

“ I'm not...would you like some tea"

And he rushed to the kitchen to avoid Gosh, so he can rebuild himself and figure out how to respond to this  
Gosh followed him “ you cancelled all our meetings for this week, you avoided my phone calls, and you are avoiding me now"

Harry sighed and finally turned to him “ I'm sorry” Harry is honest 

“ I didn't mean it"

Gosh “ so you are... you're avoiding me..”

Harry nodded “ but... it has nothing to do with you.. it just...I need to focus on me and Louis, and you... were kind of... distracting me..”

Gish smiled “ I wish I could be sorry for that... but I'm not"

Harry confused “ what do you mean?”

Gosh still smiling getting closer to Harry “ you know I like you Harry..”

But Harry stepped a step behind “ what?!”

Gosh still smiling “ I know you like me too..”

Harry “ no I'm not..”

Gosh “ it's okay... I understand what you are passing now, you are confused... but I know you will choose the right thing" 

Harry was getting angry “ what the hell are you talking about" 

Gosh getting more closer “ it's okay, no need to panic, I'm talking about us..”

Harry “ what about us... there is no us... I'm married are you out of your mind" 

Gosh looked at him not smiling now “ you call this marriage... come on Harry, you deserve better than this... don't do this to yourself"

Harry “ I know what I deserve Gosh... please, don't spoil this"

Gosh “ I'm really not, I'm trying to save you from yourself, Louis isn't good for you Harry, you are just afraid to admit it"

Harry now was shocked , Zayn was right, “ I can't believe this, how come I was so blind..” 

Gosh was getting angry “ oh come on Harry say it, you have something for me, don't be afraid to show it..”

Harry raised his voice “ I'm married...” 

Gosh “ to the wrong one..”

Harry calmed a little “ I think you should leave...” 

Then in one second Gosh was in front Harry trying to kiss him, but Harry pushed him away “ what are you doing...Gosh there is nothing.. I have nothing for you.. I thought we could be friends... I think whatever you felt for me was done..”

Gosh finally faced Harry “ I'm sorry"

Harry was trying to calm himself “ me too... it's over... you should leave now Gosh...”

And Harry left the whole kitchen, and rushed upstairs.

Gosh was left alone, he was going to leave the house, but he won't leave Harry that easy, he will do his best to have Harry for himself,

When he was going to open the door, he saw through the glass window someone was coming through the entrance, not any one , Louis, he looked around no sign for Harry, then he saw Harry's hoodie, and he got an idea, there was no way for Louis to have Harry back, not when Gosh was still alive

Louis was about to ring the bell when the door was opened, Louis looked confused, he saw the man in front of him before but he can't remember where  
Gosh looked at Louis

“ how can I help you?”

Louis was confused, he didn't even ring the bell “ is that... Zayn Malik house?;

Gosh nodded trying to be friendly as possible, Louis wondering

“ is he inside?”

Gosh shook his head “ I'm afraid he is not"

Louis “ are you family?”

Gish knew that Louis didn't remember him which helped him even better “ who.. me? No , no, I'm his friend boyfriend..”

Louis was shocked, and no, not Harry, but Gosh didn't give him time to think “ Harry styles... do you know him?”  
Louis didn't talk, Gosh “ you just missed him pal, he went to bring some milk... who is this?”

Louis was still shocked , staring at Gosh, he didn't digest what ever he said, Harry's boyfriend, how, this soon, how come no one told him, Lottie said he was mess too, that he misses him too

“ hay mate?” 

and Louis tried to gain his tongue back, “ I'm.... it's... er... no one..”

He left the place, and rushed to his car trying to breathe, he was doing his best to control himself, his body was shaking, he was getting dizzy, but he needs to leave now, before Harry coming back and seeing him.

 

Louis came back to his house, he put Harry's present on the table beside the door, and he slowly moved to his bed, he wanted to sleep, he wanted to shut his mind down, he can't face this, no he won't face this, he took some pills he closed his eyes, and begged for sleep.

At the midnight, the door was ringing, and violent knocking , Louis finally opened his eyes, he didn't want to leave his bed, that wasn't the plan, he is not ready to face the world now, but finally he left his bed

“ what the hell happened to you" it was Steve

Louis shocked “ what are you doing here?”

Steve looked at him confused “ did you hit your head..”

Louis was still confused , Steve continued “ you called me...scared the shit out of me... and since I don't know any one of your friends...or their numbers...I had to come and check my self all I have is your address ... I thought to call cops but...”

Louis was now shocked “ wow.. wow... what happened and when..”

Steve “ are you leaving me outside for much longer... I'm freezing;"

Louis “ oh.. sorry... sorry"

Steve entered and Louis closed the door, and they both headed to kitchen for a hot drink for Steve, and anything strong for Louis to kill his headache.

It turns out that Louis did talked to Steve, Steve was the one who called Louis, the pills did shut his minds, but when he answered Steve he was some how crying, he told him Harry was cheating, and he needed to end his life, because he doesn't deserve to live anyway.

 

Next morning when Zayn called Harry telling him that Louis was home, Harry knew exactly what to do, he dressed and headed directly to his house, he will see Louis, he will apologize to him, he would even go with him to Ney York, he would what it takes to make it up for him.

When he opened his house door, he smiled widely, Louis was everywhere, his smell fell the place, his bags were still at the entrance, typical Louis,  
Harry put the flower he bought on the table next to the door, and he looked at the big box on it, he knew it immediately , it was his present, he opened the box and it was brown boots, Harry smiled again, od course it would be boots,Harry has a thing with boots and Louis always make a laugh of him.

He left the box and entered the living room, the TV was on, two glasses and an empty three wine bottles were there, and an empty box of Pizza, Harry was a little confused, two glasses, three bottles, that's heavy, he switched the TV off , and then headed upstairs to the bed room, the door was opened, and he entered cautiously, but what he saw made him tremble back leaving the room immediately.

Louis was on bed, wearing only his boxers, but not alone, there was a man lying next to him at the same way,

Harry almost fell of the stairs, his full body was shaking and what the hell he just saw, he couldn't control himself, his breath, and his heart rate watch went crazy that it starts to beep,

“Harry..”

Louis called from behind, Harry looked at him dread on all his face

“ there is a man on my bed..” that all he could say

Louis sighed “ it's not what you think...”

Harry yelled “ it's not?”

Louis was looking at source of the beeps, Harry yelled again “ what the hell Louis..”

Louis put his fingers on his temples and whispered “ stop yelling..”

Harry “ there is a man on my bed..”

Louis looked at him “ I know... no needs to yell.. he is a friend"

Harry tried not to yell “ on my bed..”

Louis “ it's not.. what are you doing here anyway?”

Harry “ what?!”

Louis “ I mean... I believe you live happily at Zayn's"

Louis moved beside Harry to enter the kitchen, Harry followed still not believing that this is Louis

“ what are you doing..”

Louis was drinking now, he left the glass to show Harry carelessly

Harry devestated“ what's wrong with you?”

Louis tried to sound careless as he can “ what? I'm doing exactly what you asked for"

Harry was getting angry now, nervous “ Lou, stop acting this way... please I need an explanation”

Louis sarcastically “ what exactly I need to explain?”

Harry couldn't believe Louis, he gathered all the power he had left “ are you cheating on me?”

Louis looked at him still playing cold “ who? Me? .. I don't think it's your business...”

Harry was still looking at him, but Louis was getting angry now “ no... you don't get to be jealous... not after you starting it"

Harry “ I only asked for a break... not replacement...”

Louis yelled “ stop fucking playing innocent" and it killed his head, he said calmer “ God.. you can t fool me any more"

Harry “ what are you even talking about"

Louis yelling “ I met him Harry, I saw your boyfriend..”

Harry shocked “ my wh..”

Louis yelled “ drop the attitude... drop it... I met him yesterday... while you were bringing milk.... are you cooking for him too...”

Harry “ I don't even drive an...”

Louis yelled “ you started it... you cheated on me"  
Then he lowered his voice chuckling in a sarcastic way “ no wonder you insisted on the break... now I got it... it make totally sense now"

Harry started to lose his temper , he was afraid of that Louis “ I don't know what you are talking about..”

Louis looked at him “ really... tall guy .. a little beard .. wearing the hoodie I bought you two years ago"

And now Harry understood everything, he met Gosh  
“ you came yesterday..”

Louis smiling “ and finally... you surrender"

Harry tried to take a deep breath “ I don't know what happened making you thinking he is my boyfriend”

Louis snapped “ he told me Harry, so stop it will you, you cheated on me, you got caught.. I mean what were you thinking... hiding this from me... or was it an affair... secret lover maybe, "

Harry whispered “ Lou, please stop" his eyes were closed, tears on his check

It confused Louis for one second but he collected himself back, he said giving Harry his back now “ we are done Harry, this is not working"

Harry opened his eyes, trying 

“ I did nothing Louis...” he tried to raise his voice but everything betrayed him

Harry looked at him “ you did everything Harry, you put us here, you are the reason for this cheatings, I did everything for you... every fucking thing... and it took you one fucking mistake and you wreck our marriage this way...I was there alone rotten in hell, praying for these fucking days to pass, while you was shagging and living your life.., you don't even wear the ring any more.. fuck this fuck... I don't deserve this, I deserve some respect,”

He tried to calm but it wasn't working he can't control his mouth anymore “ you know what... I had enough, I had enough of you, you are so much and I can't..you put me out of your life for a period of time, I’m not putting you out of my life forever Harry, you are free to go now.. live happily the way you want with anyone you chose... cause I chose and it is not you"

Every single word was said , was a stab to both of them, if Louis wasn't crying now, he knew he will break like Harry any second now

“ get out .. what the hell is that sound" he looked around again as if looking but he dried his tears before it fell

Harry was still standing in front of Louis, the world is spinning, he is dreaming it has to be a dream... it can't be true no, 

“ get out..”

Louis said again, Harry slowly put out his watch, and the beeps stop, Louis watched him and he figured what that was, he knew Harry's heart now must be frantic, the idea scared him, but Harry walked in front of him towards the door, he was lost, he was shaking, Harry said nothing, his mind wasn't working anyway, he left the house and he walked, Louis looked outside for his car, but Harry came on a taxi, and Louis remembered that Harry still can't drive now, he was confused, Harry's face was unreadable, blank stare on his face, and Louis knew that he went to far, Harry didn't deserve that , but so as Louis, he didn't deserve that, Harry cheated, and that killed Louis, 

“ you didn't mean what you said"

It was Steve

Louis sighed wiped his tears , he shrugged, Steve sighed “ will he be okay..”

Louis looked again at the opened door, and he didn't know, but he knew what to do.

 

At night, Louis was putting his luggage on the car, Steve was already in it

“ where the hell do you think you are doing?” a voice calling from behind

Louis without turning “ fuck off Malik"

Zayn got closer “ no... I need to know what happened?”

Louis finally looked at him “ ask your friend..”

Zayn was angry “ I can't do that right now... I’m asking you.”

For a second Louis was worried that Harry might be not okay, but he knew he was, 

Zayn “ he didn't cheat..”

Louis moving to the driving seat “ I don't care..”

Zayn held his hand and stopped him “ what are you doing?”

Louis “ I’m coming back Zayn, it was a mistake to come here again anyway..” 

Zayn begged “ don't do this... don't ruin your life"

And that's it “ ;ruin?...no, no I’m not letting you blame it on me too"

Zayn “ I’m not, don't leave him... he won't make it..”

Louis “ he is doing just fine... he survived those two months didn't he...;”

Zayn “ God Louis you know what I mean... he didn't cheat on you...”

Louis “ you don't know that..”

Zayn “ I know that... this is Harry we're talking about..”  
Louis “ Zayn..”

Zayn yelled “ no, I’m not leaving you do that... Louis I'm begging you, and I don't know how God responds to that with me, I can't even believe I'm telling you that, it's... fuck... it's against everything I believe in... but here I'm begging you not to do that" 

Louis stopped talking, he believed everything Zayn said about what he believes, he looked at him in his eyes 

“ I know how does it sound to you.... I know you love him, you are worried about him, but I had enough Zayn... I made up my mind" 

Zayn was shocked “ I thought you love him"

But Louis didn't respond to that, he just got into the car, and drove away leaving Zayn alone at the entrance of the house that was once belongs to his best friend and his husband.

 

Zayn was now in front some flat door, when it opened there was Liam

“ you found him?”

Liam tried to smile “ he found us... he came..”  
They were at Liam and Niall's flat

Zayn entered putting out his jacket off “ ok, where is he?”

Liam shook his head “ he is sleeping inside, he received multiple shocks .. it hurts and scares him, he came crying... I mean after Louis called Naill I expected that... what the hell happened?”

Zayn shrugged “ I have no idea... I know what Niall knows, that Louis thinks he cheated and they had a fight... did he tell you anything?”

Liam again shook his head “ he didn't open his mouth, he was just crying..”

Zayn “ he should be in hospital"

Liam “ no not necessarily, Niall said if he was shocked again I have to take him... he refuses anyway...but Zayn.. I knew where he was .. after Louis..”

Zayn looked at him expecting, Liam “ he went to the gym, he fought with Gosh... he called an hour ago trying to apologize...”

Zayn closed his eyes “ that's what I thought... fuck Harry, what have you done"

Liam confused “ what do you mean... you think he cheated?”

Zayn “ I don't know, Louis seems so sure, as if he caught him cheating... I mean how does he dump him if it wasn't for that?”

Liam “ wait a minute, he left him?”

Zayn “ I tried to stop him... but I couldn't...”

Liam “ this is shit... this is too much mate, what are we gonna do"

Zayn shrugged , he then moved to lie down on the sofa, Liam sat by him and both of them were deep thinking, that's not how they think Christmas would be like.

 

Next morning , Zayn finally decided to enter to see Harry, Liam was checking on him, and he was asleep, but Zayn knew he wasn't asleep, Harry can't sleep when he is thinking, and Harry's mind was on fire

“ I know you are awake....” Zayn said leaning on the door frame.

Harry's body was covered shaking and Zayn knew he was crying, he got closer, and sat by him on bed, but his hand on him

“ what happened Harry?”

Harry was crying, “ he lied .. and now he cheated on me..”

Zayn bit his lower lip, it hurts what Harry looks like, eyes bloodshot, puffed, face was extremely exhausted 

“ who lied Harry, who cheated?”

And Harry turned to face Zayn, he sat well rested his back on the headboard 

“ Gosh lied...he .. told him he was my boyfriend... and then Louis cheated on me ... on my bed Zayn... and then he .. he had enough of me..”

Zayn didn't know that, or expect it, Louis cheated on Harry and he is the angry one now

Harry tried to control his shaking, he wiped his tears up, but he cried again

Zayn “ baby, you need to calm .. so we can fix this" 

Harry shook his head “ it won't be fixed... it's over, and it's my fault"

Zayn held his hand to make the man in front of him stop shaking, “ Harry.. I need you to calm down... we will fix this"

Harry took a deep breath 

“ he left me Zayn... it's over"

Then Harry's body jolted and Harry closed his eyes, Zayn was shocked, he looked at Harry eyes full of dread

“ Harry, what was that?”

Harry didn't answer, Zayn yelled “ Liam.... Liam..”

Harry whispered “ relax.... I'm fine" still eye closed

Liam entered hastily “ what ?!”

Zayn still looking at Harry “ I don't know... I think it happened again..” 

Harry whispering “ shut up Zayn... it was just a shock...”

Liam sat on the other side, looked at his wrist “ where is your watch Harry?”

Harry sighed “ I feel fine, I just need to sleep"

Liam looked at Zayn, Harry seemed disoriented, it wasn't a good sign

“ we need to take him to hospital..” Zayn nodded, stood immediately

Harry whined “ no.. no more.. I will calm..” but he wasn't strong to open his eyes, he really wanted to sleep, or pass out, or die.

 

Harry was okay, he didn't spent much in the hospital this time, he left at the evening with Zayn, his heart was okay, but he needed to eat something and dehydrate, 

 

The following days were not better , everyone tried to call Louis, and he answered them all, and when it comes to Harry, he shut them up, “ I made my mind" that all he said, and no one knew what did he mean, except for today.

 

Harry didn't leave Zayn's house for four days, and today was th new year's eve, Zayn insisted that Gigi and him, will spend it with Harry, Harry tried to turned the offer down, telling them that he finally come to peace that they were Muslims and didn't need to celebrate, but both of them told him it was in their blood , everyone in the whole world is celebrating new year, it wasn't just for one group.

That morning, Gig and Zayn were in kitchen, naking breakfast 

“ what's in it?”

Gigi asked looking at the envelope that was for Harry, it was lying on the kitchen table, 

Zayn shrugged, but you can see the worry in his eyes,  
Gigi kept looking 

“ it's from New York.. and it's papers... that doesn't sound good"

“ what doesn't sound good?”

Entering Harry, Gigi looked at her fiancee and shut up  
Harry was looking at both of them wondering, hr finally looked better 

Zayn finally sighed “ you 've got a mail this morning..”

Harry looked in front on the table “ who sent mails now? And it's from Ney York”

But he kept still, he didn't reach his hand to open it  
Gigi finally moved and 

“ come on... what could be in it..”

She held the envelope and opened it, she held the papers in her hand 

“ there is a cheque .... from Louis.. 100,000”

And then Zayn got closer to read with her, while Harry sat on the chair

“ that's my money..”

And then Zayn cursed “ fucking asshole"

When Harry looked at them both, they were terrified, Zayn shook his head in disbelief, while Gigi was still reading, Zayn left the whole kitchen.

When Gigi put the paper in front of Harry, he was scared, what ever on it, it’s not good, and it wasn't, it was divorce paper , and Louis had already signed it.

“no.... no..” Harry said calmly, he then closed his eyes, and left the kitchen taking the paper with him.

In his room, all he was thinking that he needs to call Louis, he didn't try to call him since their last fight, and now he needed to hear it himself.

,finally Louis answered “ yes Harry..” again being cold, but Harry didn't care

“ I got something. On the mail..” he held his with tears

“ I know Harry, and the sooner you sign the sooner this whole shit ends"

Harry “ ; I don’t want this.” He was looking at Louis's signature

Louis sighed “ there is nothing to talk about Harry, this is our last call, you can contact our lawyer for any other information... I already settled everything.... and I need nothing... it's all yours"

Harry crying “ don't make me do this..”

Louis after a moment of silent “ I have to go...”

 

At the evening, the house was full of people, Zayn had told what happened, and they all came to stay with Harry, Harry was strong this time, he wasn't crying, he was with them try to act as normal as he can, Harry didn't want to spoil Christmas for them more that this.

At the end of the night, Harry sat alone in the kitchen, he was tired of hiding his feelings, all he needed was a minute.

“ are you okay..”

Fizzy entered the kitchen and sat by him , he tried to smile “ are you?”

Fizzy placed her hand on his, Harry sighed “ I'm so sorry..”

Fizzy was crying to, she shook her head “ it's not your fault...”

Harry “ I promised..”, she just nodded and hugged him.

 

Next morning, Harry wasn't home, he wasn't anywhere, Zayn called everyone and no one has seen him, finally he got a text from Harry telling him, he need some time alone, and there was no reason to worry, he will be okay, Zayn tried to know where he was but he got nothing

NEY YORK

“ how did he respond to it... Damn it Louis don't you think this was too much... it's divorce..”

Louis was sitting silently on his kitchen table, looking at Steve who was losing his mind

Louis sighed “ I know what i'm doing relax..”

Steve “ he thinks you cheated Louis..”

Louis nodded “ he needs a reason to hate me to, I know he hates himself..”

Steve “ you didn't listen to what he has to say..”

Louis “ it doesn't really matter, I know this was the end..” 

Steve “ I don't understand you, Louis, you didn't give him a chance to explain himself..”

Louis sighed “ everything was explained the minute he asked for a break... it's not about cheating... “

Steve “ but..”

Then the door bell rung , Louis was confused, no one knew Louis was there, no one was visiting him but Steve, Louis moved to answer the door, 

When Louis opened the door, he didn't expect to see Harry standing there in front of him, he was shocked, he was speechless, 

“ happy new year..” Harry tried to smile, but Louis didn't “ what are you doing here..”

Then he looked around Harry to see if there was anyone with him

“ I'm alone...” Harry said looking at the ground  
Louis looked at him and he was shocked, Niall was pretty obvious that Harry can't be on a plane except after 6 months at least, it was dangerous and Louis didn't want to put Harry again in danger

“what the hell Harry... what were you thinking..”

Harry took a deep breath “ I needed to see you..”

Louis looked at him, typical stubborn Harry, Louis took Harry and together they sat on the garden, it was amazing and if Harry wasn't in his case, he would express his admiration.

Harry put the divorce paper on the wooden table, and Louis looked at it “ you could have mailed it Harry..”

Harry was still looking at Louis , who was looking at the paper

“ please don't make me do this..”

Louis sighed , He was hurt, he knew Harry was hurt, but right now he knew it was the right thing, and Harry can't change his mind

“ God ... Harry..”

“ I didn't cheat... I swear to God I didn't do it.. he is obsessed with me, do you remember him, Gosh Harris... I was there the whole time...i didn't even hear the door bell....but I never would cheat on you Louis...”

Louis now remembered the face, and he believes Harry, he always knew that Harry would never cheat, deep deep inside, he still knows Harry

“ Harry... st..”

Harry said hastily “ and I forgive you” he was crying, he wiped up his tears immediately

“ if you cheated ... I forgive you... I mean I understand you.. it's ... you were alone...and...” 

Louis “ Harry... stop"

Harry shook his head still crying 

“ I came... I'm here... I will stay...i'm not leaving... please Louis... please, don't make me do this...”

Louis hated to see Harry this way, he wanted to hug him, to kiss him, to reassure him, Harry was freaking out, Harry was lost

“ you need to stop... don’t do this to yourself..” Harry was crying now “ I need this... I need to be with you... I'm sorry... I'm so sorry... I asked for a break... I didn't know Louis.. I did a mistake .... please"

Louis got closer now, and he hugged him, he missed him, so much, but he knew it was over, and now Harry needed to know

“ it's not working...” Louis said still hugging him, but Harry hugged tightly

Louis “ you were right Harry I'm not happy... I'm not happy with you..”

and then he let go, and Harry didn't move, and Louis knew that right now he had to say what was in his heart for years

“ this relation .. it's killing me Harry, I tried to save this, to be happy again with you .. but... no, we are not the same people we were 9. Years ago... we changed, and we stopped wanting the same thing..”

Harry “ I know I want you" Harry was still trying, and it hurt Louis, so much

LOUIS shook his head “ no... Harry, you aren't happy too..” 

Harry “ we can fix this..”

Louis “ and then what?... we will fail again and again and again... we keep hurt each other, I gave you a heart attack Harry... this relation is not healthy... for both of us... I don't want to hurt you anymore, or me, Niall made it clear ... you can't survive another attack... and I can't live knowing I could hurt you this way..”

Harry held his hand, and cried “ please...”

Louis kissed Harry's hand “ believe me... I love you... but this is over Harry... staying together will hurt us"

Harry “ I can take that..”

Louis smiled “ you deserve better Harry...”

Then he left Harry's hand and gave him a pen that was at the wooden table by Louis's work

“ please, save us both...”

,Harry looked at the pen, he finally nodded, and then the terrace door was opened, and Steve showed, when Harry saw him, he avoided looking, he can't see the man Louis chose over him, the man that makes him happy, that what he thinks at least

He took the pen, and Louis watched Harry's face, it was heartbroken, all these years he never saw Harry this way, he never thought he would be the one that cause this to Harry, he will never forget that look no matter what, Harry finally signed the paper, the he put out his wallet, and put out his ring

“ It makes the device in my chest goes crazy.... I can't wear it anymore...”

Louis nodded, still looking at his face, Harry avoided looking, he took a deep breath, 

 

“ are you ok?” Louis asked when he found Harry wasn't wearing his medical watch

Harry didn't answer, he looked at Louis for the last time, looked at his eyes, he was crying, but it didn't matter wipong his tears, he wanted to memorize every single features of Louis, like hia life depended on it, and he knew he will never forget Louis, he will never forget the love of his lofeife,  
then he started to walk , he started to believe that it was really finally over, that he and Louis were over, he will start this year alone, no more Lou, and for the first time in his life, he felt lonely. 

When Harry left, Steve sat by Louis

“ I hope you are doing the right thing"

Louis was crying silently, he shrugged, he hoped he did the right thing, he hoped that they both will find peace again sometime, that all he wanted anyway, for Harry to be okay, even if that mean the divorce.


	8. Two ghosts - Harry styles

It has been 10 months since the divorce, things were finally getting better, Louis didn't come back to London again, his sisters were visiting him every once and while, he was doing good job at his work, and he even started a new relation with Steve,

Yeah it felt like every thing was perfect, but it really wasn't, Louis was void, he stopped feeling anything, turned off his feelings , he faked everything, his smile, his laugh , his care, it started as a technique he used to forget Harry, but it turned out to be a habit, a new Louis, Louis that everyone loves , except himself, Louis didn't come to peace with himself yet after Harry, he hates himself, and he believes he doesn't deserve to love again, but he gave it a shot anyway,

When the girls visit him, they avoided talking about Harry, they know he will never ask, and they believed he doesn't deserve to know , they accepted his new relation with Steve, Steve was good, loving, caring man, he was doing his best to please the girls, and they finally came into peace with him, they accept him as their brother partner, but he can never replace Harry,

The girls were still friends with Harry, it was like nothing changed actually, he gathered them every weekend for lunch, they talked, laughed , danced and played as usual, but Harry was asking about Louis, he needed to make sure he was okay, he was happy, and the girls reassured him every time that Louis was actually fine.

Harry on the other hand was doing better himself, he returned to his restaurant, still dazzling his guests with his new recipes, his health was getting better, shocks were minimized , only when he exhaust himself in work, 

He lives with his own now in his house, it took him two months to convince Niall, and finally Naill approved when Harry proved that he was really fine.

Harry was trying to be fine, he still thinks of Louis, he still misses him, but he always reminds himself, that it was for the best, they both are happier, even if it still hurts, still cause pain in the heart, but at least he made sure Louis was happy. 

Zayn, Niall , Liam, they all were still common friends, well Zayn not exactly kept his friendship with Louis, but when Louis called him to wish him happy feast he answered, not friendly but he answered anyway.

They all come into peace with the divorce, they saw the two of them happier, living their lives, getting better, when Niall went to States for his medical conference, he met Steve , and he found him a good guy, he makes Louis Laugh which was a hard mission, he did compare him with Harry in his mind, and Harry always won, but still he was a good guy, and Louis was happy.

Louis succeeded to make them all believe he was fine, only him knows he wasn't, he wasn't fine at all.

It was after midnight, when Louis's phone start to ring, he was sleeping, but when he saw the ID, he answered Immediately

“ Lottie..?”

“ Lou.. thanks God..” she was crying, hystericaly

Louis jumped out of bed , moving outside the bedroom

“ Lottie.. are you crying...”

“ Lou.. she is Fizzy.. she ...fuck.. she tried to kill herself" then she cried again harder

Louis's leg went jelly underneath him, he leaned on the wall for support, he needed to ask what happened, to know if she was okay .. if she was alive

Someone was talking to Lottie, he didn't hear who or what was he saying, but he heard Lottie saying

“ I can't... you tell him" and she was sobbing now 

“ hello, Louis, this is Harry... don't panic, she is alive"

Louis finally found his voice “ Harry tell me what happened?”

Harry “ I don't really know... I found her two hours ago not responding, but she is fine I promise.... I will see her in 10 minutes... but you need to come Louis, I'm so sorry”

Louis nodded “ yeah, yeah... I will be there as fast as I can..”

Harry “; it's okay, Louis I'm not leaving her side...”

Louis nodded, but he couldn’t talk, tears were all over his face, and his mind couldn't form any other word,

Louis hung up and took a second to absorb what he just heard, he needed to know what to do next, moments like this before, Harry was there, Harry was thinking and taking actions,

“-Lou... what's wrong?” it was Steve coming out of the bed room, Louis looked at him “Fizzy... she... tried to kill herself..”

Steve was shocked “ what.... what happened?”

Louis shook his head, his eyes full of tears “ I don't really know... can you... can you book me a ticket... I have to call Niall..”

Steve hugging him “ yeah... yeah... I will .... are you okay?”

Louis shrugged “ she is just a kid...”

Steve nodded, hugging him tightly.

When Steve entered the kitchen, 30 minutes later, Louis was sitting in the kitchen table, the phone in front if him  
Steve looked at him “ I booked us two ticket in 7 am..”

Louis nodded without looking, Steve “ I also called work and took us three days off"

Louis didn't respond this time,

Steve “ did you know what happened?”

Louis sighed burying his face in his hands, and then “ she overdosed... sleeping pills"

Steve sat by him, placing his hand on Louis's “ is she okay?”

Louis nodded “ Naill said... she will be fine...Harry found her in time"

It was the first time Louis mentions Harry, and Steve winced at the name, he knew they are going back to London, and he knew they will meet Harry, and Harry was a sensitive topic for Louis.

When Louis and Steve entered the hospital the next day, Louis saw Lottie in front of her sister room, once she saw him she hugged him tightly crying, he tapped on her shoulders trying to reassure her, but he himself was worried , Steve hugged them both trying to give them some power,

“ how is she?”

Lottie looked at him “ stable..”

Louis looked at the room , but Lottie “ she is awake.. she doesn't want to see anyone except Harry..”

Louis looked at her “ he is inside with her?”

She nodded, Louis “ what happened?”

Lottie shrugged “ I don't know.. I wasn't even there.... Harry was trying to call her, and when she didn't answer he felt worry so he ...” then she cried, Louis hugged her again

Lottie “ she doesn't want to talk to me.. I mean I'm her sister, I know nothing about her... I know there was something wrong since mom, and with your divorce.... she was seeing a therapist Lou..”

Louis shocked but didn't talk, Lottie “ that was their secret... he was taking her there... since mom..”

Louis closed his eyes, of course Harry would do that, and of course he won't tell Louis.

Louis finally said “ where are the twins?”

Lottie leaving his hug “ with Zayn and Gigi...”

Louis nodded “ I need to talk to Niall..”

She nodded, and he looked at Steve who smiled to him nodding he will watch over Lottie.

Louis moved looking for Niall, but he heard his name was being called, he knew the voice, Liam hastily hugged him, 

“ I'm so sorry, mate..”

Louis nodded “ thanks... Liam..” he didn't want to see Liam , or Zayn, or Gigi, he didn't need to see anything connected to Harry, specially not now, he will avoid Harry as much as he can, and he didn't need to deal with the others

“ she is fine... I did a stomach pump... and she is stable, she is awake...”

And wait minute, Liam was the one who saved his sister

“ she is fine ... I promise..” Liam said softly,

Louis finally nodded, Liam continued “ the protocol for suicides .... she must be under suicide watch for two days here, and then she had to be admitted to a rehab...” 

Louis was shocked “ no.... please..”

Liam “ since you and Harry are the one who are responsible for her in the medical forms, when I discussed this with Harry.. He told me to wait for you... I know she won't be able to handle rehab....but she needs to be highly observed... at least two of you will be always there for her.... providing her a calm environment, and keeping away every thread..”

Louis nodded “ yeah... yeah I can do that..”

Liam “ ok.. you need to pick two people that you can trust... and she loves... I know Harry would love to, but I don't know ..."  
Louis nodded " I will talk to her about it"

, Liam “ have you seen her?”

Louis shook his head “ I needed to see you first.. Lottie told me she refuses to talk to any one..”

Liam nodded “ she only asked for Harry..”

Louis nodded, Liam looked at his iPad in his hand “ ok .. you go there, I will follow you, just need to check on a patient first..”

When Louis went back, he saw him, Harry, he was talking to both Lottie and Steve, he looked healthier, maybe get taller Louis thought, his left his hair to reach his ears same as his teenager form, he didn't look pale as he was last time, his eyes are greener, his lips are pinker , he looked more handsome, and Louis felt a stab in the heart, and his stomach went crazy..

When he get closer, and Harry noticed him, he smiled and Louis didn't know what to do, he reached his hand but Harry opened his arms for a a hug for a second, but when he saw the hand, he reached his hand too apologized with embarrassment

“ sorry.. out of habit..”

Harry was apologizing for wanting a hug from Louis , he apologized for Steve too, and it hurts Louis that things turned to that way

Louis had to break the moment and introduce Steve

“ Harry... I believe you met Steve..”

Harry smiling widely “ yeah.. I heard a lot about him... really pleasure"

Steve smiled “ no it's my pleasure..”

Louis was watching the two of them and he couldn't explain that even to himself, a year ago, things were completely different, a year ago things were completely perfect

Harry started looking at Louis“ she is really okay now..”

Louis nodded “ I just met Liam... he told me about it..”

Harry nodded , then his phone rung and he excused for answering,

Louis was watching Harry, he sounds confident, his voice steadier, he didn't know that he would miss that raspy slow voice, Harry was there in front of him smiling in the phone, looking much better, maybe he did the right thing,

“ sorry for that..” he excused when he was back, and Louis remembered how decent Harry was

“ do you wanna see her now?”

Louis looked confused “ I thought she refuses to meet anyone..”

Harry looked at Lottie for a second then back at Louis “ except for you and I..”

Louis nodded, Harry headed to the room followed by Louis,

Harry entered the room and headed toward Fizzy saying cheerfully “ look who is here?”

And Louis headed to her smiling, his baby sister, the loving one, he remembered when he saw her the first time, his mom told him, “she reminds me of you Lou, you have to keep her save", and he promised his mom, he did, but he couldn't keep the promise.

She smiled weakly when she saw him, he hugged her softly, kissed her forehead, and he was crying, then he sat by her on the plastic chair “ hay you...”

She started to cry to “ I'm sorry..”

His hand surround her head , and his other hand held her hand, he nodded “ it's okay"

But Fizzy cried, and he kissed her checks, eyes, nose, forehead “ don't cry angel..”

Harry then coughed, they forgot he was here, he moved closer “ I will wait outside ...”

Louis nodded, but Fizzy didn't break her look to her brother , when Harry left the room

“ I missed you..” she said weakly

He looked at her smiling “ I miss you every second ,love...”

She nodded, but said nothing, Louis “ how do you feel?”

She smiled looking at her lap “ I’m fine...” she looked fine, maybe pale a little but fine,

“ I wasn't trying to end my life ,Lou..”

He looked at her eyes wide opened, he wasn't talking about it now,

“ I just wanted to sleep... for much longer..”

Louis “ why baby?”

She shrugged “ nothing is perfect..”

Louis sighed “ how?”

Lottie took a minute to answer that “ mom is not here anymore, you are not here anymore, Harry is not like him, Lottie is angry all the time.. at me or the twins... or you ... or Harry... no one is here... and it hurts... I just couldn't take it anymore..”

Louis almost cried, he didn't know she was in all this pain “ you could tell me Fizz.. why didn't you"

Fizzy “ tell you what Lou, I didn't want you to leave?.. no I wouldn't do that... you left Harry for that..”

Louis shook his head “ no... not for that....there were... I'm not discussing my divorce with you now Fizz"

She nodded whispering “ not ever..”

Louis “ what ?”

Fizzy “you never discuss anything with us lou, you are just telling us, you told us you are leaving.... then you are having a break... then you are having divorce..”

Louis left her , and he didn't mean what comes.next

“ excuse me... I didn't know I need your permission”

Fizzy stopped talking, Louis hastily “ I'm sorry... I'm sorry ... didn't mean to yell at you"

She nodded “ I wasn't telling you to have our permission, I just.... have you ever thought about us? Our feelings..”

Louis remained silent , “we were happy Louis..and I was proud..of both of you...you were strong against the world... you were the only family I had" she whispered the last wards

“ but ... you took everything away...and you left us too...you didn't see how broken he was.. you broke us all"

Louis was crying now “ Fizz... have some mercy ... don't put it all me..”

Fizzy looked at him eyes full of tears “ I'm sorry... you asked why I wanted to sleep.... I can't fight all this.. but please don't send me to rehab..”

He winced at her weakness , he nodded trying to calm and reassure her.

He wiped his tears up, and he kissed her hand, and then he hugged her and lied his head on her lap, and he was afraid of this moment, when he realized that there were other people who had to suffer from his decisions , and here it is, his little sisters all suffered, Harry suffered, he suffered, and he knows Steve suffers too, he started to believe that there is no one happy, 

Louis finally went outside, Fizzy slept on his shoulder, and when she went too deep, he left to meet Liam to discuss the arrangement they had to take.

Outside, Liam and Harry were outside talking, when they saw him they stopped talking

“ she slept... finally" they all knew he was crying, Harry tried to smile, and he stood by him and then tapped on his back,

“ here he is in flesh" Niall yelled cheerfully

Louis turned to Niall, Niall gave him a big hug, and then out of nowhere, Zayn showed too and he gave Louis a tight hug too, and all at once Louis felt intimate, a feeling that he nearly forgot, Louis stopped feeling anything, and all these feelings suddenly started to cause ache in his chest.

After the talking and the longing, comes the serious talk, Liam took Louis to talk about Fizzy, but Louis wasn't focusing on Liam, but Niall and Harry were having an argue, Niall sounded angry, and he was nearly shouting and yelling at Harry, Harry was as calm as normal, and then Niall started to point at Harry's watch and was still yelling, something was going on, Niall never gets angry like this, never yells this way, and since Harry wasn't talking it meant one thing , Harry did something stupid

“ and.. you are not with me" Louis heard Liam saying, and he looked at him confused “ I'm... I'm sorry...”

Liam smiled looking at him understanding, he looked at Niall and Harry and shouted “ Niall... calm down... will you"

Niall looked at him angry,and gave him the finger, but Harry laughed at him, Niall looked back at Harry, and then he waved to Harry to follow him, Harry looked at Liam and tried to smile guiltily,

Liam discussed everything with Louis, they won't send fizzy to the rehab, he explained to him how to take care of her, and how weak she is right now,

He explained that she might do this again, but all they have to do is talking to her, knowing what was the reason, Louis knows what was the reason, he was the reason every one is hurt, it's like a curse, last year was Harry, and this year is Fizzy, all of sudden he felt exhausted, he felt naked, all the feelings he tried too hard for a year to hide were now exposed, the wall he built around him was gradually falling, and he had no power to save it.

Steve took Lottie and the twins, and he headed back to their home, they all were exhausted and some sleep could actually work, but Louis refused to leave, he won't let his baby sister alone, he was done of leaving people behind.

When he entered the stuff room with Liam, Naill was there , sleeping on the couch, but there was no sign of Harry, Louis noticed but he couldn't ask

Liam shook Niall to wake him up, and Louis sat on the chair on front, like it was a replay, they did the same thing last year, 

Liam sitting by Niall who was sitting now stretching his body “ why did you wake me... I still need some sleep"

Then he lied his body on Liam, Liam didn't bother, he just stretched his leg in front on the table

“ no... wake up... we need to talk... where is Harry anyway?”

And with that Niall became alert, he sat well “ I sent him home..”

Liam “is he okay... what happened?”

Niall looked at Louis , then he stood up saying “ will be... I'm getting some coffee... who needs?”

Louis didn't like how Niall is hiding things from him, he wasn't going to ask anyway, he promised himself, didn't he, Louis stood too “ I will come with.. I need to eat something"

At the hospital cafeteria, Niall bought Louis a sandwich, hot coffee, orange juice, and hospital pudding, he remembers last time Louis was there, he was in love with it.

Louis in fact was really hungry , he ate everything, in silence, Niall was watching him, but Louis didn’t even noticed, he was somewhere else, 

“ do you need anything else...” Niall finally said

Louis looked at him, then at the empty tray, he then shook his head , Niall smiled “ good...”

Louis sighed “ I know you are mad at me"

Niall shook his head, but Louis “ I know I wasn't the friend of the year but..”

Niall “ which year are we talking about?”

Louis tried to smile “ I'm sorry..”

Naill sighed “ I'm not the best mate myself...”

Louis nodded “ no you weren't"

Niall “ hay.. I'm trying to make it easier for you... come on.. go ahead.. I need a full apology"

Louis smiled “ okay.. okay...I'm sorry Niall.. for not being here for you..” then he passed his hand over his face “ I think I owe that apology for a punch of people here"

Niall nodded “ yeah... I think you do..”

Louis shook his head “ I thought I was doing the right thing.. staying away will make them understand... “

Niall “ running away was never the answer" 

Louis looked at Niall “ I wasn't... I just... I gave them their time, their space... I couldn’t face anyone Niall, I mean I'm the bad guy here, I left Harry when he wasn't in best state, I left the whole country, I broke everyone”

Niall was looking at him “ this doesn't matter now... I think everyone is okay now"

Louis “ Fizzy isn't"

Niall “ Harry believes she wasn't trying to end her life"

Louis nodded, Harry knows her better, he didn't want to believe the idea of his sister trying to kill herself, so he will believe Harry too,

“ how is he?” he had to ask, he couldn't help it

Niall looked anywhere but at him “ good, he is good"

Louis was going to argue, he can't hide things from him but Niall stopped him before saying a word “ I can't... I can't discuss my patient with you... you are not family now"

And Louis shut his mouth up, he pressed hard on his lips, because it stings, he wasn't family anymore, that' right, 

“ Louis.. sorry... I'm sorry... b..”

Louis shook his head standing “ no, no you are right, I was just... I don't know why I asked... sorry..”

He looked at his watch “ I have to call Steve..to talk about work and.. yeah.. I have to go" 

He has Steve now, Steve is the one who he should think of now, not Harry, not anymore, because yeah, he wasn't family.

Next morning, Lottie and Steve came, Gigi also came , she gave Louis a warm hug, but that's it, she didn't say a word to him.

Fizzy was getting better, she accepted seeing others, Liam told her about her recovery at home, and she was pleased that they respected her choice, she wanted Harry and Louis to be her guards, and that meant two things, Louis had to take a long vacation, and two, Louis will had to deal again with Harry.

Speaking of Harry, he didn’t show at the morning, and when Zayn came at night, he came alone, and he knew there would be no Harry for today, and no one asked, and it bothered him the whole day.

 

When Louis opened his eyes the next morning, he heard a lot of voices, he was sleeping on the couch in Fizzy's room, and someone was talking, it was Harry, Louis remembered that for long 9 years he used to wake up on that sound, Harry was the active one, he wakes on 7 am and start his activity at once, Louis on the hands always late, always needs his coffee to start his day, 

“ we almost drowned .... but he got it at the last minute...” Steve talking, Steve and Harry at the same place, again

they were laughing, and Louis knew they were a lot, he took a look, and there was the twins sitting everyone beside Fizzy, Lottie and Steve sitting on the chair, and Harry was sitting at the end of the bed,  
Ok no more hiding Louis, you have to wake up so he did,

“good morning sunshine..” it was Lottie

Louis smiled, and moved towards them, he gave all the girls kisses, and then he turned to Steve and he kissed him to , because he had to, but he avoided looking at Harry, because it hurts , instead he just ignored

“ what were you telling them...”

Steve “ when you almost got us killed first day I left you drive my car"

Louis laughed “ but I got better.. you've seen me girls... I got better" and he looked at Harry to convince him, although Louis learnt to drive before Harry, but Harry always told him he was the worse, Harry looked back at him smiling weakly,

Steve “ yes ladies, he is better, and proposing was enough for me to forget that night"

and Louis froze, he tried to smile, but he saw Harry who was playing with his phone now, for a second Harry gasped, no one noticed, or maybe everyone noticed, but Harry controlled himself smiling widely, he knew Louis was watching, and he needed to show him he is stronger now, and it was okay

Daisy smiling “ so tell us how did it happen?”

Steve was going to talk, but Harry stood up holding his phone and no he can't take it any more, he can fake strength ,he can stay with Steve at the same room trying to talk and smile, but no more, he didn't have to hear that, he looked at them all

“ I have to make a phone call... you go on,” and because Louis still knows Harry, he knew something wasn't okay in his voice, but Harry without waiting for any response, he left the room almost trembling,

Lottie looked at Louis for a second and they shared a look, they both knew why he left, even Steve knew, he changed the topic to avoid himself any embarrassment, he knew how the girls love Harry, and after meeting him, he knew the comparison wasn't for his good ,

Louis didn't stop thinking of Harry, and something inside him insisted that he should find Harry and apologize, but first he need to use the bathroom.

Inside the bathroom, Louis just finished, when he heard the door was opened, and someone entered walking 

“ get out Harry... I know you are here"

That was Liam's voice, but is Harry here, Louis didn't get out, he stopped and listened,

“ the nurses saw you... get out"

Then the door next to Louis's was opened, and someone was walking, Louis couldn't see, and he didn't want to see anyway, he knew how Harry looked 

“ what happened?” asked Liam

“ what are you doing...do you wanna see my accomplish?” he tried to sound funny, but something in his voice again

“ you were crying..” Liam said,

“ no" then Louis hears water running, Harry must be washing his hands

Liam sighed “ why did you come, you weren't suppose to come..” 

Harry tried to sound cold “ why not? Plus Fizzy needs me" 

Liam “ Harry... she would understand... why are you insisting to torture yourself"

Harry stopped the water “ I'm okay"

Liam “ I don't believe that... okay tell me what happened?”

Harry after a moment of silence 

“ he proposed...”

Liam didn't talk at the start, then Harry said trying his best to control his voice, Louis knew his husband anyway  
“ I knew he was engaged.. I overheard the girls two weeks ago... but he proposed” 

Louis closed his eyes, and cried silently, he knew Harry shouldn't know that, he knew he hurt him again

Liam “ does it matter?”

Harry raised his voice angrily “ it matters... to me... God"

Liam “ Harry... you should leave, don't do this to yourself, I will talk to Fizzy... she will understand... but please.. Harry you are finally okay, your heart finally found peace"

Harry moved steps , voice calm “ no, and don't you dare talk to Fizz behind my back... please stop treating me this way... I’m fine, seeing him again won't change anything anyway... he is engaged, and everything is already over 10 months ago. Right?” he was getting angry again

Liam “ okay, okay...”

Harry “ I know what I'm doing Liam... I appreciate your concern... but please, I can face this"

Liam “ okay... as long as you are okay"

Harry “; ok.. thanks" and they both left the bathroom.

Louis didn't know what to do, the main reason for divorce was not to hurt him again, but what he was doing now, he hurt Harry, and the worst part was, Harry was faking, was hiding his pain, Louis wiped his tears eventually, and he left the toilet, praying for God to pass these days with least losses as much as it can,

In the cafeteria, Louis was drinking his coffee alone, when suddenly someone sat in front of him, it was Harry

Louis was confused, but Harry was smiling, “ so ... she is leaving tomorrow?”

Louis nodded, so they are talking about Fizzy “ yeah..”

Harry “ what about your job"

Louis shook his head “ I don't care... family comes first"  
And Harry nodded , and looked at anything but Louis, Louis knew he did another mistake, he knew what was in Harry's mind, last year family didn't come first, Harry didn't come first,

Harry leaned on the table, and Louis knew there was something to be said, but Louis was afraid, cause whatever Harry says , Louis was afraid he might collapse, he looked at Harry's eyes, and for the first time since he arrived, he noticed , those eyes were darker now, those eyes were sad 

“ Louis .. I..” 

But Harry stopped, he looked at something behind Louis, and he sighed , Louis knew without turning that there was someone behind him, there was Steve

“ here you are..” said Steve sitting by Louis “ where have you been?”

Louis didn't want to say where he was, he didn't want to upset Harry, 

“ anyway.. I called the work... and I took us two weeks .. is that ok?”

Louis was nodding, but wait “ us? Are you staying?”

Steve “ honey... of course I will stay.. we are partners, I can't leave you this way"

And Louis now knew , Steve was trying to hurt Harry , Louis knew now that Steve might hate Harry,  
Louis looked at Harry, but Harry was staring at his phone like his life depends on this, but Louis noticed that his knuckles turned white, and he knew Harry was struggling to control his pain or his anger, or maybe both.

Steve looked at Harry too “ we will try to spend some good time together...”

But Harry didn't understand, he looked at Steve and he didn't understand that look, but Louis knew what does this look mean, Steve felt Harry was a thread, and Steve was ready to fight.

Harry had to excuse after that, he had work and he was already late, he promised Fizzy he will be there at night , he avoided saying goodbyes to the others, and he vanished,

Louis expected that from Harry, he knew Harry was smart, and he will figure out that he wasn't welcomed by Steve, and he will do his best not to be there whenever Steve is present.

Louis had to go home too, he needed a shower, and sleeping on an actual bed, he asked Steve and Lottie to stay with the girls, and he will come in at least 4 hours, he felt his head was heavy and he really needed some rest, Steve of coursed welcomed the idea and wished his fiancée to sleep tight.

When Harry was outside the hospital, he saw Harry, by his car, it was an hour after Harry disappearance, Louis didn't expect to see him still there, he headed towards him, he owned him an apology anyway,

“ I thought you were not driving"

Harry was startled, he looked at Louis, and then around, Louis didn't understand why at first, but Harry explained himself “ not everyday...”

HARRY smiled, Louis “ and what about today?”

Harry smiling wider “ according to Niall... no I shouldn't... according to Harry.. I should.. where are you going anyway"

Harry opened the car door, and was ready to get in,/Louis understood the invitation “ home... I really need some sleep"

Harry nodded “ you are on my way.. come on", Louis nodded, he wished for that anyway, a little time with Harry alone,

Once they were inside, Harry started the car saying “ what ever happens, never tell Niall" 

Louis laughing “ okay I promise... but you are scaring me..”

Harry laughing too “ no, no don't be, he just worries so much, and he gives me hard time, but i'm okay"

Harry started driving, Louis “ I thought you can drive after two months of the attack” 

Harry nodded “ that's true... if everything was stable.. then I can"

Louis looked at Harry for farther explanation, Harry looked at him “ which I am... but... not all the time"

Louis nodded, he didn't know if he should ask anything else about his condition, he knew Harry hates to talk about this stuff, so he decided he won't bother him anymore

“ I wanted to thank you... for Fizzy.. “

Harry looked at him surprised “ she is my sister...Gemma says hi by the way... she would be here but she is 9 month now so"

Louis surprised “ Gemma is pregnant?”  
Harry nodded “ she is..." "so don't say that...and I think I need to apologize for not telling you about Fizzy THERAPY"

Louis nodded “ yeah... it's okay... I know you were doing the right thing"

Harry shook his head “ not exactly though... she stopped going during my... attack... and then the divorce... I didn't pay her enough attention... but I took her back again.. four months ago...”

Louis nodded “ don't... don't blame yourself... “

Harry looking at the road “ I believe her... she didn't try to kill herself...you need to believe her too, I know you are not”

Harry said that easily, like he knew Louis wasn't believing his sister, he wasn't exactly believing her, but he wished Harry was right,

After minutes of silence “ you are going to work?”

Harry nodded , Louis “ and Zayn letting you drive?”

Harry smiled “ yeah... Zayn understands... he believes me, besides you can't never lie to Zayn, the lad got a lie detector or something , but Niall... he never believes me"

Louis frowned “ why?”, Harry was honest, how come Niall not believing

Harry smiled “ he thinks I lie to him about my.... you know Condition”

Louis “ do you?”

Harry shrugged “ sometimes... I mean he is already tough with me... so ... I mean I’m not a kid" 

Harry stopped the car, they were there already, Louis didn't know how, he lost touch with time

Harry sighed then avoids looking at Louis “ so you and Steve...”

Louis looked at Harry, and he knew immediately, Harry was about to lie, if Zayn has a lie detector, Louis was a detector himself, he knew Harry very well, Harry tried to smile 

“ I’m really happy you found someone" he lied

“ and you are lucky... he is a good man" lied

Louis nodded “ he is... yeah I'm lucky"

Harry smiled “ I hope it work this time" but he looked at Louis in the eyes, and this wasn't a lie,

Louis nodded, then he had to break the look “ drive safely Harry"

Harry tried to smile, Louis wanted to tell him to call to know he arrived safely, but he knew he can't do that now

“ please, I don't need to fight with Niall again” and he went outside the car, Harry nodded, and once Louis was out, Harry left.

Harry didn't show up at the night, he called Fizzy and explained why not, but Fizzy didn't tell the rest why, and with that Louis couldn't ask her, and he was confused why he cared that much.

When Fizzy left the hospital the next morning , no one was there except for Louis and Steve, Liam again explained how sensitive the thing was, and told him he needs to be patient as much as he can, Louis expected Harry to be there, but again there was no Harry, he felt that Fizzy was expecting him, but she was disappointed, she looked sad and when Louis tried to know, she refused to answer.

In the home, there was a different story, Lottie and the girls, made a great surprise to Fizzy, sign says “ welcome home Fizz" , and other says “ welcome home Louis & Steve", and for the first time since morning, Fizzy smiled, the twins explained it was their idea, and Lottie with Harry helped, 

it was only 10 minutes later when the door bell rang, and Louis headed to open, and here he was Harry, holding a box

“ I'm sorry I'm late", he apologized hastily, but there was something wrong, Louis noticed that Zayn car was moving away, and he understood, today was a day where Harry shouldn't drive, 

“ get in.. we've just arrived" , 

Harry entered followed by Louis, Harry headed towards the girls who were now all at the living room, he gave the box to Lottie, who asked excited

“ is it donuts?”

Harry smiling “ it is...” then he kissed the twins on the forehead, and he hugged Fizzy, she smiled to him “ you didn't have to...”

Harry let her go “ of course I have to" , then he looked at Steve, and they both nodded at each other, but again Louis didn't like the look on Steve's face.

They all ate the donuts except for Harry, he said he already had his breakfast, he just drank some coffee, and excused himself for a phone call, Louis on the other hands ate with the girls , they were so delicious and he couldn't stop himself from eating, even Steve noticed 

“ I've never seen you eat that much on breakfast"

Louis looked at him “ oh I love his donuts" and that shouldn't be said, Steve just smiled nodding, and Louis decided to ignore and he headed to the kitchen for more coffee,

When Louis entered the kitchen Harry was standing there, his back was to Louis, he was leaning with both hands on the kitchen board, Louis didn't understand what was happening, and then Harry's body jolted, Louis startled at the start, but he was interrupted by Lottie

“ why are you standing there?”

, he looked at Lottie to say anything, but his mind was still with Harry, when he looked back at Harry, Harry was looking at him, he seemed pale , eyes glassy, and again Louis was lost,

Then they all heard Steve calling “ honey, can you please come for a second"

And Louis moved hastily to Steve, he didn't know what was that, did he just witnessed a shock , was Harry not okay again, 

When Harry showed up again, 10 minutes later, he looked okay but nervous, no one was there but Steve 

“ where are the people. ...” first thing he said,

Steve looked at him calmly, “ Fizzy needed some sleep"

“oh..” Harry didn't know if he should stay or go anywhere else, Steve wasn't making him feel comfortable, and he already wasn't feeling okay, he stayed till midnight at the restaurant , and exhausted himself, and when he was home he couldn't sleep well, so when he wake up in the morning, he knew it would be a tough day, he called Zayn and Zayn understood and gave him the ride.

“ you can go now.. if you want to" Steve said dryly. Harry looked at him confused

“ I mean you are here for Fizzy... and I don't think she is waking up anytime soon"

Harry “ I don't understand.. are..”

Steve sighed “ let's face it Harry.... you are making him uncomfortable, you are making the girls confused, and I believe you aren’t better too, so why won't you save us all this... and stop showing up”

Harry was getting annoyed, but he expected that “ I 'm here for Fizzy..”

Steve “ I know... I mean we can't be thankful enough... you took good care of the girls when Louis wasn't here... we think, since we are here... you can take some rest... it would be the best"

Harry “ what are you talking about... you know how things are with her...”

Steve “ relax Harry, I know the girl is confused, but Louis and I will make sure she is safe and okay...” Harry was getting angry, then Steve sighed 

“ listen to me, Louis doesn't want to hurt you, he doesn't want to upset anything inside again" he tried to laugh “ he knows how your heart goes crazy sometime, and he still believes it was his fault ... but Harry I'm sure you know how stress you are putting him through... I mean we are happy .. finally... and with you around... making it a little bit... harder"

Harry didn't speak, some parts of that speech were true, even if Steve sounded harsh, or maybe jealous, but obviously Harry wasn't welcomed by Louis, he can't blame him anyway, Louis is engaged now, he proposed , Louis must love Steve, and seeing Harry again will make them both uncomfortable, even if Harry was here for a different purpose.

Harry was walking away when he saw Lottie in front , standing at the entrance of the room

“ what is going on...” she asked looking at Steve

“ what makes you think you can tell him that” and yes she was angry, 

“ Lottie...” Harry wanted to stop her, while Steve was still so calm “ I didn't say anything wrong..no one knows your brother better than I can.. “

Lottie “ you kn...”, Harry interrupted again “ Lottie... stop" he moved toward the door, but she followed him “ don't go.. are you letting him win?”

Harry looked at her, he was tired, he was sad, and hurt “ win what?... he is his fiancee, one day, he will be his husband.. he is right Lottie... I have no place her as long as they are with you" 

Lottie was still trying “ please don't say that... you are family Harry, no matter what Lou chose"

Harry tried to smile “ I will try to come at night..”

Then suddenly Louis showed “ where are you going?”

Lottie turned to her brother “ well you..”

Harry hastily “ Lottie....” she looked at him, and then she left them both looking angry

Louis “ what was that?”

Harry smiled “ that was .. nothing...she is angry at me..anyway... I need to go"

Louis was surprised “ what? No..” Harry looked somehow sad, and Louis didn't like it,

Harry “ yeah... sorry, Fizzy is sleeping... and I should go to work anyway...”

Louis “ are you sure... you don't look.. okay"

Harry sighed, now he knew Louis saw what happened at the kitchen , “ that was nothing to worry about...”

Then Steve showed, and again Harry was nervous, something Louis noticed whenever Steve showed .  
Harry to Louis “ anyway... I should leave..” and he opened the door, 

Louis “ have dinner with us then"

Harry looked at the both men in front, Steve was still looking at him, then he tried to smile hugging Louis from his back, Louis looked at Harry, and Harry looked hurt again, Steve said “ that would be great Harry..”  
Harry then looked at Steve, tried to smile ,he just nodded and left.

Louis then looked at Harry through the window, he needed an explanation for the way he looked right now, Harry again was making him curious the same way he did nearly 10 years ago, back then Harry was innocent, cheerful, loud and loves to talk all the time, seeing him was making Louis happy, Harry now is different, older, calmer, weak and hurt, Louis wanted to stop thinking of Harry, he really wanted that, but he just couldn't.


	9. Sad song - we the king

It was a long time since Louis entered Harry's restaurant, once he put a step in it, a flooding of memories ran in his mind, he remembered how Harry was excited when they opened it, how much effort he exerted at the first days, and suddenly he was shocked that he really wanted him to let all this behind.

Louis went there because Harry didn't show for four days, since Fizzy got out of the hospital, he was angry at him, because there was a deal between him and Fizzy, although she didn't ask Louis about him, and he hears her talking every night at the phone for hours with Harry , but he had to know Harry was not coming, and he started to believe that Harry was avoiding him, and no, he won't let this happen, he wanted Harry for Fizzy, Fizzy should come first

It was early morning, there was no guests yet, only the staff, and that was better because he needed Harry alone, but..

“ louis?”

Zayn was in front of Louis, mouth opened, and he looked shocked

Louis tried to smile “ good morning Zayn..”

Zayn nodded “ morning..”

Louis “ you seem shocked to see me here" 

Zayn shook his head, smiling friendly finally “ no, it just.. I wasn't expecting you here... it has been a long time... come on...”

Louis smiled following him, Zayn sat on the table where Harry and Louis used to have their dinner , Louis was sure Zayn meant nothing , but it hurts

Zayn “ do you need some coffee?”

Louis nodded “ coffee would be okay..”

Zayn asked one of the waiter for two coffees  
Louis was looking around, the place has changed a little bit, he knew Zayn and Harry were trying to make some changes every year, and he always loved it, the two of them have a good taste together, and Louis was really proud of them

“ I love what you did to the place" 

Zayn looked around him too “ yeah... this time we went too far... Harry's” then he shrugged, and he was right, there were a lot of new things, but no matter what, and no matter where he went, it will always be his number one restaurant,

Zayn looked at him “ how is Fizzy?”

Louis sighed “ I ... she is ok... I hope... she is barely talking to me... she is upset..”

Zayn frowned “ why?”

Louis “ turns out... she blames me for last year"

Zayn smiled nodding “ I hope she finally get it, Harry was worried about her lately"

Louis nodded “ I need to talk to him... where is he? Haven't seen him a lot recently"

Zayn looked confused for a second then “ you... just missed him... yeah.. he ..er.. works were too much lately.. and he didn't look okay this morning... he needs some sleep, so I sent him home.. if there anything I can tell him?”

Zayn was a terrible liar, this all was a lie, Zayn has no idea where Harry was, he thought him at Tomlinson's house, but he had to lie, and Louis knew Zayn was lying  
Louis just nodded, and then the coffee was here, Zayn busied himself with coffee, while Louis was fighting himself not to do what come next 

“ how is he... really?”

Zayn looked at him, and for a minute he considered his answer , but he said “ he is okay"

Louis exhaled nervously “ Zayn.. you know what I mean..”

Zayn sighed “ louis.. what do you want to know exactly?”

Louis shrugged “I don't know... anything... I mean I know he looks okay, he is trying to sound fine, but I know him , I know he us not okay..”

Zayn nodded “ okay... he is not... nothing is okay ...,but he is trying... I mean... he was stable for the last 5 months... no shocks or anything...” except for what Louis witnessed a few days ago

Zayn “ louis last year was tough for him... and for you I know that... it took him a lot to be the one he is today... don't get me wrong I blamed you... I still do... but I know you suffered too, I know you was hurt... but he was lost.. first three months was really bad, we were worrying sick about him, Naill was the worst.. and you know what it means... but with time.. we think he become better... “

Louis nodded, Zayn was honest, he talked, he was the only one who talks

“ listen.... don't push him... he will show up when he can"

Louis nodded “ I’m... I don't know ... I’m worried about Fizzy...and... I see him again..”

Zayn nodded “ exactly... he feels the same... plus Steve..”

Louis looked at Zayn, Zayn “ yeah... I think you know what I mean"

Louis nodded, he knows what he means, he changes places with Harry and he felt Harry's pain, and now he is sure, Harry was avoiding him, and he will take Zayn's advice, he won't push his ex, he won't disturb him anymore.

Harry didn’t leave his house today, it was one of these days, when you feel like nothing to do, he was already exhausted, and he wanted to sleep the whole day, but fuck his biological clock, he woke up at 7 sharp, and he stayed on his bed since,

Harry was sad, he thought he was stronger, that he can face it, that he can stay with Louis again at one place without feeling any bad, but he was wrong, it hurts, it suffocated him, and he was angry at himself for not being able to help Fizzy, but every time he got closer again, he can't handles his feelings, and then comes Steve, who made it crystal clear that Louis was happy and didn't need to be reminded by his awful past.  
Suddenly his bedroom door was opened , Harry was startled, but then Zayn showed, concerns all over his face, he looked angrily at Harry, and he started to yell

“ you are alive?”

Harry raised one brow “ you don't seem happy"

Zayn “ fuck Harry... why don't you answer your fucking phone?”

And Harry looked at the nightstands, then at his bed under the blanket “ shit..., I can't remember where is it?”

Zayn still yelling “ you can't do this to me..”

Harry leaving his bed “ sorry... I'm sorry"

Zayn still yelling “ I thought there was something wrong... that's why you can't live alone.. I called you for 30 times... 30 fucking times...”

Harry turned to look at him “ I'm sorry Zayn... stop yelling..”

He went down stairs, followed by angry Zayn, they both entered the kitchen

“ why are you at home..”

Harry looked at him “ you said you don't need me in the morning"

Zayn nodded , he was still angry but stopped yelling “ because you said you will be with Fizzy"

Harry found his phone, he took it and it was crazy , he then looked at Zayn angry

“ you called Naill?”

Zayn “ I had to... shit"

He was going to call Niall, but Harry’s bell went crazy ,he looked very angry at Zayn “ you fix this"

Zayn moved to open the door, and Harry prepared himself for the angry storm.

It started “ I can't handle this any more... I still didn't marry.. I still need kids...God.. why" Naill yelling 

frantically, then he entered the kitchen

“ I'm getting old Harry... you need to stop this..”

Then the door bell rung again , Harry sighed “ oh God.”  
Naill sat by him “ you deserve what ever comes"

Zayn went to open, while Harry started “ I overslept.. I forgot my phone.. it won't happen again .. okay"

“ no... not okay" Liam this time entering the kitchen

Harry looking at Zayn “ fuck you..”

Zayn smiling now “ sorry lads... I was worried..”

Liam nodding , then “ God... I need to call Louis..”

Harry looked at him eyes wide opened “ you didn't?”

Liam shrugging, then he went outside the kitchen “ yeah Lou...”

Niall looked at Harry “ tell me what happened.. and don't you dare lying...”

Zayn was standing on the bar, he knew Harry was getting angry “ we were worried Harry..”

Then Liam got back “ he was losing his mind too...that was...”

Harry then yelling “ stop.. stop...”-he left his seat  
looking at all three 

“ this needs to be stopped right now... all of you need to take me more seriously..”

Zayn “; Harry .. we..”

Harry pointed at him “ you shut up..” then he looked at them “ you need to stop treating me this way.. I'm not a kid .... I'm almost 27...so no more....” they all were looking at him surprised

“ no more... when I say I'm okay ... it means I'm fucking okay... I don't lie I never lie... not in this... cause I fucking call you Niall whenever I feel anything...I came to every check you ask for , ever fucking month , so you need to stop this...”

He closed his eyes for a second to calm himself “ guys... I appreciate your concerns... I mean it... you worry.. I almost died... totally make sense.. but this is too much... I can't breathe when you are around...I know what I'm doing....I can disappear for two hours and still be alive Zayn...”

Liam “ we are terribly sorry lad”

Harry shook his head “ no you are not... you worries .. it's okay... and I understand why.. he is back and you all believe that I can't handle it... but I can... stop thinking less of me..” Naill “ we are not Harry"

Harry “ yes you are... you think I will collapse any second.. you believe I will have another attack... I can see it in your eyes... ever since he showed up in town and you all turned to my life guards... but you need to know I can make it, even... even if it hurts... even if it ... God he is engaged... we are divorced for 10 months...what do you think will change...”

Liam “ Harry... we were just trying to help..”

Harry nodded “ I know... I 'm not mad.... I just... I really need you to believe me..”

Niall nodded “ I can do that..”

Harry looked at him “ thank you..”

Liam “ of course I believe you Harry... I’m sorry..”

Harry finally smiled “ don't apologize”

Then Niall stood “ I think we are done here"

Harry “ thanks for your concerns... really"

Niall smiling “ no mate.. you are my best friend... it's really okay..”

Then Liam and Niall excused and left, Zayn was still in his place, Harry finally moved to make some coffee

“do you need coffee?”

Zayn shook his head , Harry looked at him, and then he said “ what happened?”

Zayn shrugged “ you tell me..”

Harry bringing a mug from the cupboard “ I’ve already told you"

Zayn moved and sat on a chair “ Louis came this morning to the restaurant”

Harry looked at him “ why?”

Zayn “ he said he hasn't seen you for days... and you were telling me otherwise... of course I panicked..”

Harry sat by him with his coffee “ I'm sorry...”

Zayn “ what's wrong?”

Harry shrugged “ I don't know... it's not easy as I think it is... and Fizzy doesn't need me anyway... I mean she has her brother"

Zayn nodded “ he was worried”

Harry shook his head “ I don't think so"

Zayn “ I know Louis.. he was"

Harry “ he doesn't want to see me”

Zayn “ what are you talking about..”

Harry “ Steve told me , Louis was afraid if he say anything like that my heart goes crazy... he can't fucking confront me" 

Zayn wasn't believing it, but he kept silent, Harry “ I'm not welcomed there anymore...so I won't"

Zayn “ why didn't you tell me?”

Harry sighed “ I don't know..”

Zayn smiled, he decided he won't talk about it any more, cause whatever he says Harry won't believe him, but he was sure that guy Steve was trying to remove Harry from the way “ okay... go get dressed.. we have loads to do..”

Harry smiled “ I don't have any excuses .. do I ?”

Zayn took his coffee “ go..”

Louis entered his house, doing his best to sound normal, when Liam called him 15 minutes ago telling him they can't find Harry, his mind raced to remember when he found Harry struggling with his life last year, and no Harry shouldn't suffer like that any more, he froze in his car, he parked and stopped doing anything, he couldn't make any moves, 10 minutes later Liam called him and told him Harry was ok, so after that he directly headed home, 

When he entered the kitchen Steve was there, when he saw him, he tried to smile, Steve was upset and Louis knows wht, he left early this morning before Steve wakes up, and when Steve called he didn't answer

Louis smiled and sat by him “ I'm sorry..”

Steve looked st him “ where have you been?”

Louis “ I went for a round.. I need to clear my head... didn't want to wake you"

Steve sighed, Louis “ I'm sorry"

Steve shook his head “ it's not.... Louis I started to think like you don't need me here, I mean you barely talk to me"

And Louis knew, that this was coming, he was avoiding Steve, he was avoiding everyone, he was confused , and he was angry at himself for thinking about Harry, but yes, he was thinking about Harry, Harry, Harry, Harry, and nothing but Harry, he started to feel guilty, he wasn't fair with Steve lately, and he knows Steve doesn't deserve that at all

“ honey... you know what is in my mind”

Steve chuckled sarcastically “ in fact.. I don't”

Louis sighed holding Steve's hand “ please, don't... I don’t need to worry about us too"

Steve looked at him “ okay.. just tell me... are we okay?”

No we are not, we are too far from being okay, but Louis just smiled, then he nodded “of course we are... actually.. I have a surprise for you... we will have dinner tonight... outside.. just the two of us"

Steve surprised “ oh.. that's great... but what about Fizzy?”

Louis “ I will ask Lottie for some help...”

Steve smiled, then Louis called Lottie, a minute later she entered the kitchen, but she avoided looking at Steve

Louis said “ Lottie.. I need a favour”

Lottie to her brother “ okay?”

Louis smiling “ I need you to watch over Fizzy.. we are going out” then he looked at Steve

Lottie only nodded, then she looked at Steve “ okay"

Then she left the whole kitchen, and Louis was not okay with what just happened, he needs to know what happened between Lottie and Steve but not now, right now he needs to clear his mind and stop thinking of anything

At the evening, Steve was extremely happy, they had a good time, Louis turns off his feelings again, he talked, he laughed, they even sang and danced, it was cold but they ate ice cream, in all the means he tried to please Steve with every possible way, and he managed.

When Louis opened the house's door, Harry was just in front of him, they both looked surprised, but they were cut by Phoebe “ Harry.. I will post it on Instagram... oh Louis you came"

Steve took off his jacket , tried to smile “ good night Harry..”

Harry finally smiled “ good night indeed.. it's getting late.. I was leaving..”

Louis nodded but still shocked, he didn't expect to see him tonight “ do you have your car?”

Harry nodded, Phoebe “ you missed the night Louis.. we had fun..”

Then daisy showed “ let's do it again...Fizzy was so happy..”

Harry turned to look at the girls “ okay.. you both have school tomorrow... go to sleep"

Phoebe “ okay... okay... I will post the dance..” she said leaving with her sister,

Steve then moved “ I will wait you upstairs.. don't be late.. “

Then he kissed him a long kiss on the lips, and then he left, Louis then turned to Harry, 

“ I have to go..”

Louis looked at him “ where have you been?”

Harry looked at Louis , then he shook his head “ bye Louis..”

he just left , and yes he was angry at Louis, he hated how he lies to him, he knows Louis doesn't want to see him, but still he always acts as if he misses him.  
Louis followed Harry outside

“ what is wrong with you?”

Harry just ignored and Louis rushed after him, he held Harry's arm “ what's wrong..”

Harry finally looked at him “ what do you want Louis... I'm trying to do what you want here"

And he was leaving again, Louis “ Harry I swear to God... stop right now"

Harry didn’t “good night Louis.. your fiancee is waiting for you"

And he got inside his car, and drove fast before Louis's eyes who had no idea why Harry was upset way.

Inside Louis took off his jacket, and went upstairs, then he heard loud voices and music coming from the twins room, the door wasn't entirely closed so he knocked and entered, the girls both were looking at something on the phone, they didn't hear him entering, the music were too loud, he wanted to have a look with them, and there was a video, the twins, Lottie and Fizzy, along side with Harry, they all were dancing, they were following Lottie steps, and they seemed having a real fun,

When Daisy felt a shadow behind her, she finally saw Louis, she smiled and gave him the phone , and he sat on the bed and watched while the girls were talking,  
Louis saw his sisters all looked happy, they were smiling and laughing, Harry and Fizzy were terrible, Harry can't dance that was his rule, he never could, but at least in this video he tried, he was happy and his mood was changed once he saw Louis

Phoebe “ Fizz was happy..”

Louis smiled and gave her the phone back “ okay... you both need to sleep.. and turn the music down"

Daisy was dancing now “ come on dance with us..”

Louis smiled “ oh... I haven't dance since..”

Daisy and Phoebe “ Harry's birthday.. it was three years ago..we know.. but come on..”

How could they forget, Louis danced and he fell and caused himself a broken ankle, and ever since he promised no more dancing, 

He smiled, and Daisy moved and pulled him to stand up, he laughed and danced with his sisters for some minuts, and then both of them hugged him , Phoebe said “ we miss you old brother...”

He hugged them both, and kissed them on the heads  
Then the song came to an end, then they heard 

SWEAT CREATURE  
HAD ANOTHER TALK ABOUT WHERE ITS GOING WRONG  
BUT WE'RE STILL YOUNG

Daisy “ shit... shit.. turn it off"

Louis “ what is this?”

Phoebe was leaving his lap to turn the music off, but Louis didn't let her 

OH WE STARTED  
TWO HEARTS IN ONE HOME  
IT'S HARD WHEN WE ARGUE

Daisy “ Harry is killing is ..”

Louis looked at his sisters “ this is Harry?”

Daisy “ you need to promise you won't tell him"

SWEAT CREATURE, SWEAT CREATURE  
WHEREVER I GO, YOU BRING ME HOME

Louis was listening, he recognize his ex husband's voice, he always loves his voice, Harry wrote him a song when they were still teenagers it called “ don't let me go", and he didn't write anything else, Louis was in love with the song, with the lyrics, and most important with his voice, but this song was something else, his voice was clearer, was raspier, his voice was amazing, and every single word was said, Louis knew what was it about

Phoebe “ no one knows about this song... we were at yours... I mean at his house.. and we saw the lyrics"

Daisy “ it took us three other visits to convince him to sing it fir us...”

Phoebe “ when he finally did it, we recorded it behind his back"

Daisy “ so Louis... you need to keep this for yourself..”

Louis was listening to his sisters, but he was lost with the song, the lyrics was so touchy, if Harry was going to write anything about Louis, he won't write better than this , he loved it, and he was so affected, when the song finally over, some one clapped, not Louis, not the twins, the three of them looked at the door, and there was Steve leaning on the door frame.

Louis then looked at his sisters, Daisy turned the music off, he smiled at them and kissed them both on thier checks, then left the room.

Inside his and Steve room, Steve was in the bed, he looked angry, and Louis knew why, but didn't want to start, 

Louis was changing his clothes

“ the girls really love him..”

Louis without turning to him, he tried to sound normal as he can, he hid his emotions deep inside

“ of cours..”

“ like really like him"

Louis wearing his short “ yeah... they are 12, they knew him since they were two..”

Steve exhaled “ ok... ok ... I got it.. he is like family to them"

Louis “ yeah.. he is family...”

Louis lied on bed by him, but Steve was really upset, Louis really didn't want to argue now, but he also can't leave him this way

“what is wrong?”

Steve “ nothing... “

Louis sighed “ come on... you can't get jealous of him... you said it.. the girls love him, he loves them"

Steve “ and you?”

Louis frowned “ what about me?”

Steve tried to sound calm but he failed “ do you still love him..”

Louis “ what are you talking about..”

Steve “ come on Louis, you are here again.. he is here again... he is still young attractive, he did you no wrong..”

Louis leaving the bed “ oh God..stop please..”

Steve looking at him “ I can't ... I see the way you look at him... I mean I know he still loves you.. he wrote you a song"

Louis looked at Steve “ it's not about me..”

Steve sarcastically “ oh... two hearts in one home... of course it's about you... you know it's about you"

Louis didn't know how to answer that , then “ no one was suppose to listen at it..”

Steve angrily “ I don't care... he writes you songs... he comes to you home... he wants to talk to you.. I know what he is trying to do...he is trying to win you back..”

Louis was shocked, Steve was angry, and he didn't want thi s" win me back... of course not.. I divorced him ... did you forget that?”

Steve “ no I didn't... I know what you did... I was there...”

He then stopped, and then almost whispered “ you promised .. you stopped loving him..”

Louis looked at Steve “ I stopped... you know I stopped"

Steve shook his head “ no I don't..”

Louis sighed “ Steve what are you doing... why do you want to start a fight.. we never fight"

Steve nodded “ because we never talked about this... you never mentioned Harry, you never even said a word about him all this time, you were running from your feelings... and now.. he is here... and..”

Louis get closer “ doesn't change anything...” he then held Steve hands “ I chose this.. it was my decision... I am the one who asked for the divorce..”

Steve closed his eyes, and Louis saw falling tears on his checks, Steve then sighed “ I don’t want to see him again here..” 

Louis eyes wide opened “ what?”

Steve looked at him “ I don't feel secured... I can't stand seeing him, I can't do this... as long as I'm here I don't want him here" 

Louis “ he is here for Fizzy.. she asked for him..”

Steve shook his head “ no,... I need this to be fixed.. I don't feel okay with this"

Louis was getting angry now, Steve was selfish,  
Steve said “ take me anywhere outside when he is here... I am not bad... but no... I can't let him take you from me..”

Louis “ Steve.. he is not... I know Harry he is not"

Steve looked at him “ maybe not now... but I know he will eventually... and you can't do to me what you did to him"

Louis left his hands now “ what do you mean?” he frowned

Steve shook his hand “ nothing... I'm telling you what is in my heart"

Louis tried to calm down “ I can't tell him not to come..”

Steve “ he won't listen anyway..I tried"

And that was it “ you tried what?”

Steve looked at him “ I told him not to come again as long as you are here...”

Louis yelled now “ you did what?” and explained everything now, Harry disappearance, and what happened earlier. 

Steve still looking “ I thought you don't care about him...” 

Louis still yelling “ what are you trying to do... why? He did nothing to you"

Steve “ you are angry..”

Louis turned away, he was angry, Steve “ I hate him... I won't stand him around you..”

Louis looking back at him “ stop being that possessive.. I'm all yours... why?l"

Steve “ he is your ex... he still loves you... it's all in his eyes... “

Louis “ stop saying this... he is barely here... he doesn't see me.. I barely see him"

Steve “ and this is driving you crazy... you are nervous all the time... you can't ask about him because you know how does it makes you feel" 

Louis “God ... I can't believe you right now..” he was leaving the room

Steve “ because you know it's true...I know you Louis... maybe not since ten years... but I know you.. and I don't desreve this"

Louis stopped and looked at him “ l really don't know what exactly you want... I don't see him... I don't spend time with him... I don't love him any more.. it's all in your mind... stop comparing yourself to him.. because I chose you... not him..”

Steve looked at him “ then tell him..”

Louis “ tell him what?”

Steve “ that you chose me... that you don't wanna see him any more... don't love him any more" 

Louis looked at him, and he needed to prove something to himself, that he didn't make a mistake when he divorced him, that he was responsible for his choices, and he really stopped loving Harry

“ okay... I will"

Steve really was shocked “ you will?”

Louis nodded “ if that what you want... if that makes you safer... then yeah I will do it...”

Steve nodded , then he moved and hugged Louis whispering “ thank you..”

Louis just nodded , and he didn't know what was going on

“ I love you" Steve said, Louis also said “ I love you"

But right now, just right now , he believed he is not ...

Next morning, when Louis entered the kitchen, Lottie was there, she was talking on the phone, when she saw him she just smiled and sat still talking to her friend , drinking some hot tea

Louis sat by her rested his head on his hands, he was exhausted, of course he couldn't sleep well last night, he made a stupid promise, he promised that he will hurt Harry again, and this time he didn't even wanted to

“ are you okay?” Lottie asked 

Louis nodded “ Ia'm okay...”

Lottie “ sure about that?”

Louis looked at her, and he wanted to talk, to share someone with what goes in his mind, to tell some one how hurt he feels, but no, he just can't  
Fizzy then entered the kitchen, bot Lottie and Louis were surprise, Fizzy finally left her bed

Lottie smiling “ god morning Fizzy..”

Fizzy smiling too, she moved to make some hot drink, and this considered a huge progress

Louis “ how are you feeling Fizz"

Fizzy pouring the hot water in her mug “ I'm feeling okay..”

Then she looked at him “ Lou, can I ask you something?”

Louis “ anything"

Fizz “ can I go out... I really need some fresh air..”

Louis was surprised, he didn't accept that, Fizzy “ I will just go to buy anything....”

Louis looking at Lottie “ well, of course you can... when would like to go..”

Fizzy “ no it's okay.. I already made my plans... Harry will take me at noon"

Louis just nodded, Fizzy smiled “ thank you..” and then she left the kitchen

Louis looked Lottie “ what was that?”

Lottie “ I have no idea..” louis “ alright.. call Harry"

Lottie drinking “ you call him" 

Louis annoyed “ just call him... will you.. ask him what is going on"

Lottie “ fine..”

She picked up her phone from the table and dialled Harry,

“ good morning Harry... did I wake you? Oh.. sorry... what with Fizzy today?... really... sounds nice... no I really can't ... ok bye"

Then she hung, Louis was looking at her, she said “ they are going out... then he taking her for dinner..”

Louis nodded, Lottie “ are you avoiding him?”

Louis “ no... I just don't have his number"

Lottie shook her head in disbelief“ I don't believe you..”

Then she left her seat, Louis “ what do you mean"

Lottie put her cup in the sink “ I mean I heard you last night.. are you just gonna listen to him..”

Louis sighed “ Lottie.. he is my fiancee..”

Lottie “ I know .... and Harry is just trying to help... and this is our house so he is our guest but Harry is a family"

Louis “ what is wrong with you and Steve?”

Lottie “ nothing...”

Louis “ it's not nothing.. tell me..”

Lottie “ I don't like him"

Louis “ why... I thought you liked him"

Lottie was leaving “ I thought I did..”

Louis “ hay... i'm still talking to you"

Lottie stopped , then she looked at him “ what do you want?”

Louis “ I need to understand what happened? Did he did something to you.. or to your sisters?”

She shook her head, Louis was getting angry “ okay... then what?”

Lottie sighed “ nothing.. ok.. I am sorry... but I got that you chose him to be your fiancee and whatever... but I don't have to love him"

Louis “ Lottie... I thought you support this"

Lottie shook her head, she tried to smile “ I never supported any of this.. but again this is your life... I don't have a say..”

Louis trying to contain his anger “ God... can't you girls make it any less harder... every one of you tries to prove this fuck is all my fault...”

Lottie “ no one is trying anything... maybe you were too blind to see"

Louis lost it now “ since when you are talking to me this way..”

Lottie yelled back “ since when you are so heartless... what are you doing... are you planning on hurting him again... will you do what Steve asked you for... pretty impressive actually.. I never knew you are this weak... well if..”

Louis “ Lottie...”

She stopped talking, and then she looked at the ground, she knew she went too far, so without any further talk, she just left the while place.

Louis was left alone, but right now, he can't breath, he can't think, he needs to stop thinking again, he needs to stop feeling again, he needs this to come to an end, he has to talk to Harry , he needs to prove to himself that Harry doesn't matter any more, that he can live happily with Steve, that he can love Steve.

It was nearly sunset when Harry and Fizzy was driving back home, they had fun, Fizzy bought a boot, and they have dinner together,

Once they passed the entrance, Harry saw Louis was sitting in the stairs, it was cold and Louis was outside, so it meant one thing, Louis was worried , and when he saw them he stood up immediately,

Fizzy went out of the car, and Louis stormed to her “ what the hell Fizzy..” he started

Fizzy looked at him “ I'm so sorry... the phone died..”

Lpuos hugged her “ I was worried..”

And then Harry went out of the car, Louis was really worried and he needed to reassured him, 

When Louis saw Harry “ ok..Fizzy... get inside it's cold..”

Fizzy nodded and she looked at Harry and thanked him for the day,

When Dizzy was inside, Harry knew that Louis was furious

“ I didn't know about her phone..” Harry started, Louis looked at him

“ you could have called me"

Louis shook his head, and yes he was angry , Harry completed “ she was with me, you didn't need to worry"

Louis chuckled sarcastically “ exactly"

Harry frowned “ what?”

Louis “ well yesterday... I got a call from Liam... he was freaking out because they couldn't find you"

Harry nodded “ why are you that upset ?”

But he didn't expect Louis to yell “ of course I'm upset.. I'm her brother I was worried... “

Harry “ she was with me..”

Louis still yelling “ and where were you these last days... you weren't there... and suddenly you decide to show up and taking her out.. what the fuck are you doing Harry?”

Harry yelled too, he was angry now “ what do you mean?”

Louis tried to calm “ this needs to stop...I can't fake this any more" 

And Harry stopped, Louis looked at him “ I understand how much you love the girls... I know they love you too... but.. this needs to stop"

Harry was still staring at him “ you want me to stop seeing the girls..”

Louis sighed “ I want this all to stop... you are not family any more... what are you still doing here?”

Harry was shocked “ what are you talking about... these girls are my family... I raised them up with you... you can't just ask me to stop... I mean.. why? You got your divorce.. you are not even here anymore... what I have done for you.. why do you hate me this much?”

Louis stopped talking , Harry felt like louis was picking how to hurt him even more, he then said “ I don't trust you around them"

Harry wasn't believing this “ why?”

Louis finally looked at him “ I know what are you trying to do... you want to look like the perfect lad, we divorced but you still taking care of my family.. what do you expect?”

Harry was looking at Louis, this is not Louis, Louis never was thinking this way “ nothing from you...”

Louis teasing “ really?.. just nothing?”

Harry “ what are you talking about?”

Louis yelled “ it kills you that I'm happy... you want to ruin my life again"

And to that Harry couldn't respond, Louis “ I'm engaged Harry.. I'm happy with my fiancee.. and with you showing up.. doesn't make it easier..”

Harry's eye were full of tears, how could Louis this this of him, Harry wants nothing but his happiness, that was the only reason for signing the papers  
He wiped his tears, he looked at the ground to collect himself , then he looked back at Louis

“ I'm sorry...”

Louis face was blank, Harry couldn't read it, 

Harry “ finally you said it... I mean you could say it from day one.. if you don't want to see me you could tell me.. if my presence makes you that unhappy... I would disappear... “

He then took a deep breath “ I thought we could still be friends maybe... but it's okay...”

He was turning to his car “ have a good life Lou"  
And he got inside his car, and left while Louis was still watching.

Louis got inside his house, and Steve was there, once he saw him he hugged him really tightly

“ thank you... thank you"

Louis couldn't speak, he just nodded , then he broke the hug , trying his best to smile 

“ I need to use the loo"

Steve smiling, and Louis left. 

Inside the bathroom was a different story, Louis threw up, he couldn't contain all these emotions at once, his body refused to, he threw up all what was in there, and when he finished he rested his head on the cold floor, and then finally Louis cried, he cried all the pain, all the disappointment, all the Harry, 

When he divorced him he promised himself no more pain for Harry, Harry didn't deserve what happened, but now he did it again, and Harry carried that look again, the defeated look, look of pain, Harry cried again because of Louis, and all Louis wanted was to hug him again, to feel him again, the love of his life was there facing him but he couldn't even touch him, all he did was hurting him just as the old days, he didn't mean this, he left the whole country and never get back so Harry can live in peace again, but he had to come to destroy him again, Louis knew he can't forgive himself again, I mean he didn't forgive himself from the start, and he didn't know how he will be able to face life after this, how he gonna face the life when he hurt the only real thing in his miserable life.


	10. Story of my life - one direction

Louis hadn't left the bed for the next two days, he caught a cold, and he couldn't be more thankful, he didn't want to leave the bed anyway, he wasn't ready to face his sisters, he don't even know if they heard about the fight with Harry or not, but he was sure, if they knew a lot of things would change.

Steve was by him all the time , didn't leave his side for the whole time, although Louis asked him to stay away a little, he didn't want to get sick, but he was too tired to fight, and the medicine knocked him down, so he was almost asleep for these two days,

This morning, when he woke up, he found himself alone, no Steve , just him alone on the bed, but he felt better, the fever was down he can feel it, he can breathe normally again, the sneeze and the sniff was nearly over, and even his voice was finally normal again ,

When he went down stairs, he heard voices coming from the living room, his sisters were talking and laughing, when he entered the room all his sisters were gathering around Lottie's laptop, all sitting on the couch and no one noticed him , they were talking to someone through skype ,

“ she is so adorable Gem" said Daisy excitedly

“ yeah... look at those hands..” said Lottie now

“ I think she looks like Harry" said Phoebe, and all the girls looked closer to the screen

“ girls.. she is only two hours years old... she looks like a new born baby..”

And Louis knew what was going on, Gemma just gave a birth to her baby, 

Then the 4 girls said together “ no... Harry"

Gemma smiled “ I remember when your twins were born... you said they looked like Louis...and they turned out to be something different..”

Lottie laughing “ no .. they still look like him...”

Fizzy “ where is Harry any way?”

Gemma smiled and she looked beside her “ he is asleep.. I gave him a bad time... I scared the shit out of him... I was so tired... and he is just so exhausted .. he slept while he playing with the kids"

Louis looked with the girls at the screen, he wanted to see Harry, he wanted to see him even if he was sleeping 

“ oh hello stranger" said Gemma, then all his sisters looked at him

Daisy “ Louis Gemma gave birth to the baby...”

Louis was looking at Gemma , he smiled wide “ congratulations Gemma..”

Gemma smiled “ thanks Louis... you look awful"

He smiled, Lottie “ he is sick..” she was still staring at him, since two days and Lottie knew there was something wrong, but she never asked,

Gemma “ oh.. sorry... get well soon..”

Then he heard a voice, but he couldn't recognize what was said, Gemma looked beside her “ they are the Tomlinson..”

Then she looked at the screen “ I guess I wake him...opps"

The girls said “hi" and “ congratulations" and then his face was on the screen, he sat by Gemma, he looked exhausted and Louis couldn’t move his eyes , time like this he would be by Harry, he knew how Harry get nervous in Gemma's births, he remembered the last two times when he stayed by him holding his hands till they heard the baby, he remembered how pale he gets, how worried, she was his only sister and every one loves Gemma,

“ hay girls... have you seen the baby" he sounded excited, but also tired

Daisy and Phoebe “ she looks like you" said at the sane time

Harry laughed “ I told you Gemma...” then he stopped laughing, and his face turned serious “anyway... I have to go"

He moved from his sister side, and Louis had to move too, he was the only one who knew why Harry suddenly changed, he saw him, he saw Louis standing behind his sisters, and he didn't want any contact any more,  
Louis entered the kitchen, leaving his sisters and Gemma wondering about Harry sudden behaviour, Steve on the other hand was there, sitting deep thinking 

Steve saw him and then he smiled “ hi baby.. how do you feel?”

Louis sat by him “ I'm doing okay... what's wrong?”

Steve sighed “ I have to come back..”

Louis frowned, Steve “ things happened ...and they need us.. and since you can't go... I will go...”

Louis wasn't ready for work yet “ what happened?”

Steve “ no... don't think about it.. I will be back in two days.. you need rest..”

Louis smiling “ thank you", and yes he needs rest, he needs to be doing nothing,

Steve kissed his hand, Louis “ when are you leaving?”

Steve looked sad, “ tonight... I'm sorry.. hate to leave you this way"

Louis “ no baby.. it's fine.. I know"

Then Steve phone rung, and Steve had to answer leaving Louis alone, and Louis was actually happy, again he was thankful for his cold, he couldn't ask for a few days away from Steve, he needed them, not to do anything, but he just wanted to be alone, to be free maybe.

After giving Steve the ride to the airport, although Steve insisted that Louis was still sick, but Louis gave him the ride anyway, he needed fresh air, and he needed to get out if the house, Louis turned to see Niall, he wanted to talk to someone, and he knew Niall was the one.

Niall was out of work today, he was at home, and he had no attention to leave the home anytime sooner, so Louis bought some pizza, and he headed to Niall's flat.  
When Niall opened the door, he was cheerful as usual

“ Tommo is here ladies and gentlemen..”

Louis smiled and entered, Niall took the pizza box, and immediately opened it and took a slice, Louis “ you know we will share, right"

Niall frowned still eating “ I'm hungry”

And then they sat in front the TV, Niall gave Louise a slice but Louis wasn't hungry now, so Niall had to close the box

Louis laughing “ didn’t mean to interrupt you..”

Niall “ I’m giving you 30 minutes... then I’m eating"

Louis laughing “ fair enough.. I need some hot drink"  
Niall sighing “ you know where the kitchen"

Louis shook his head “ very impolite..”

Niall lying on the couch “ make me some tea with you..”

Louis moved to the kitchen , he wasn't angry , no he was in fact happy, Niall was a friend who no matter how much time you lost your connection with, once you sees him it feels like you never have lost it.

Inside the kitchen, while Louis was pouring the hot water in the cups, Niall cell phone rang, it was in the kitchen board beside Louis

“ your phone" louis shouted

Niall “ if it's work.. I'm dead"

Louis chuckled and he held his phone, the ID says “ Harry"

Louis took the phone and he moved outside to Niall, Niall was still on the couch

“I told you I'm dead”

Louis giving him the phone “ it's Harry"

Niall frowned , but he took the phone and answered “ yes Harry"

And Louis went back to the kitchen to bring the tea, when he get back, Niall was sitting on the couch, he looked serious

“ how hard?...fuck..”

Louis knew their was something wrong, he gave Niall his tea, but he saw the concerns on his eyes

“ no... it's not okay... you fainted Harry... I'm the one who says if it was okay or not"

Louis sat, and he tried to sound calm himself

Niall chuckled “ not from happiness.. she is not her first baby.. even if she looks like you..”, Louis smiled, he knew how excited Harry gets with babies, specifically his sister's

“ listen...wait a second"

Then he stood and excused himself to finish the call inside, Louis tried to smile when Niall looked at him, but he was angry.

10 minutes later , Niall showed back again, he sat on his place and he tried to look calm, but he avoided looking at Louis, Louis was watching him , he knew Niall will not say a word, and he will leave Louis to his concerns.

“ you will need another cuppa"

Niall looked at his tea “ I'm sorry.. it was a patient"

Louis “ it was Harry..”

Niall “ yeah.. a patient"

Louis nodded, they both remained silent for seconds then he sighed “ at least tell me he is okay..”

Niall still not looking “ he is an idiot... but he is okay...”

Louis smiled “ what happened?”

Niall took a deep breath “ he fell.. hit his head and he fainted... he was worried that he might damaged his device or something"

Louis “did he?”

Niall shook his head “ no.. I hope not.. I still need to make some checks but you know how clumsy this giant could be" 

Louis chuckling “ yeah.. tell me about it.. I saw him fall more than I saw him eat..”

They both laughed, Naill “ do you remember when we were still at high school.. and he believed that he can make the double kick while playing football"

Louis laughed harder “ when he broke both his elbow and his leg..”

Niall laughed “ I don't know about Liam.. but I knew back then I need to study medicine.. my friends are lunatics"

Louis laughed “really.. I thought you decided it when he jumped at that lake.. and caused himself a concussion"

Niall still laughing “ oh when Zayn tried to save him but he almost drowned... oh God... yeah maybe this time too"

They both laughed remembering how they spend their times when they were younger, when peace was still there, when they were inseparable even Zayn,

Niall then sighed trying to catch his breath “ God... your husband is driving me crazy..”

Louis nodded “ yeah.. I know"

Then they both kept silent, Niall looked at him apologizing “ I'm sorry"

Louis just nodded, yes he was his husband, and yes he was the love of his life, 

Niall “ how could you do this?”

Louis confused “ what?”

Niall standing up “ I mean... what was in your mind... why didn't you talk to anyone... a divorce?.. you loved him like you will never love again... you were breathing him... and then... out of nothing... because he was crashed, trying to survive a heart attack... with a fucking device in his heart.. he asked for a break.. but you...”

Louis knew this was coming, from someone, anyone, when he sent the paper he expected phone calls, long conversations with Niall , Liam, maybe Zayn... but he got nothing.. no one called him, they all just stopped, and when he showed again in their lives, it was already too late

“ I need to know why... because I know my friend isn't a cheater”

Louis just sighed “ Niall... I didn't cheat"

Niall nodded “ okay.. that's a start"

Louis “ I couldn't stay any longer... I lost myself back then.. I didn't know who I was anymore, I felt like .. we were not belonging together any more"

Niall “ you could talk .. sit together and talk"

Louis shook his head “ he wasn't going to NEY YORK anyway.. I needed that job.. I felt like.. it all I needed to do ... and he...”

He looked at Niall “ I caused him a heart attack.. and every time I was going to talk.. his heart wouldn't take it... we argued all the time... and I was scared... I mean you told me he won't handle another attack... and I keep hurt him"

Niall sat by him “ what are you talking about?”

Louis said with glassy eyes “ I will kill him... if we stayed together I will kill him.. he will try his best to be between his job and me... he is not a sacrificed type.. he won't , he will try to be here and there... and his condition wouldn't help.. and if he came with me and left all of this... all if what he did here.. he will be sad..”

Niall was looking at him, Louis wiped his tears “ it was all I can think about... I wanted him to be happy... to be okay... and I think it was the right thing"

Niall “ for Harry?.. what about you.. did you do this to be happy"

Louis nodded “ yes..”

Niall “ are you?”

Louis nodded “ I have Steve"

Niall nodded “ Steve.. yeah..”

Louis knew that Niall didn't support that engagement, he didn't even say a word about it

“ he helped me a lot.. he stood by me when I was down..he helped me to forget Harry"

Niall frowned “ Louis.. you can start a new start with Steve or whoever.. but do you really think you can forget Harry?”

Louis looked at Niall, he just smiled “ you still have time to win him back.. you haven't lost him yet...” 

Louis shook his head “ no... no don't tell me that"

Niall “ listen to me... you think you are killing him when you are around... trying to think about it in reverse...”

He then smiled and tapped on Louis's knee, and then he opened his pizza box and started to eat again watching the TV,

 

Two days later, the weather was awful, it was raining, it was too cold, Louis was freezing, and he wanted to wear anything heavier to warm him ,

He looked at his laundry, it was a pile of filthy clothes, everything stinks or smells, he forgot to wash his clothes and his sisters didn't offer a help, Louis wasn’t responsible for this things, laundry, cooking, cleaning, it was always Steve and before was Harry.

Louis sighed, he then looked at his older closet, he knew his body hasn't really changed that much since he was a little younger, so maybe.

Once he opened his closet, he felt like he turned the time back, he looked at the his clothes, and he smiled, every shirt has a good memory, he looked at his old shoes and he laughed, his football shoes were still there, his mom hadn't thrown anything away, he looked at his medals, his old beanies, old scarves, then his eyes caught a blue cloth at the end of the top , it was wrapped up , and when he pulled it a box fell underneath it and everything was in floor,  
Louis looked at the box and sat on the floor to collect the fallen things, and he just smiled and he felt shudder through his body, his stomach twisted, he remembered all those things, it was every single thing he took from Harry behind his back, his rings, necklaces, beanies, scarves, some pens, a lot of things he took from Harry and he didn't tell him, he even helped him try to find them, he forgot about this boxes , but seeing all of it once more, brought painful memories

Louis wasn't really thinking when he took the box, he wasn't thinking when he dressed the blue hoodie, when he drove his car in the rain and stopped in front Harry's place, he wasn't thinking when he got off his car and headed toward the entrance, he only came back to his mind when he was still in the front stairs, and the door was suddenly opened and two men showed  
Harry and some man beside him, they didn't notice Louis, it was dark and no one was expected in this rain, then Harry shook hand with the man and Louis knew him, the man passed Louis and he looked at him then at Harry who was looking surprisingly at Louis, but the man said nothing and he walked,

Louis then looked at Harry, he was soaked in water, he forgot to wear a jacket and now he was trembling

“ is this Gosh?” Louis asked Harry

Harry was still staring at Louis, Louis looked again at Gosh who was entering his car now and he looked at Harry saying “ he is"

Louis was surprised, he knew he shouldn't, but he didn't expect to see Harry again with Harry

“ what are you doing?”

Louis looked angry when he said “ what was he doing here?”

And no , he got no reason to be jealous, Harry was still looking, still shocked “ really?!”

Louis “ do you still see him?”

Harry sighed “ what are you doing.. it's freezing... you will catch a pneumonia”

Louis looked at Gosh car that moved away now , then back again at Harry, Harry didn't understand why Louis was here, even Louis didn't understand why or how he got here,

Harry saw the lost in Louis's eyes, he then looked at the box in Louis's hand 

“ is this mine?”

Louis looked at the box in his hand, his whole body was shaking, and then he extended his hand, and Harry took those 5 steps downstairs and when he was going to take the box

“ God Louis... you are shaking" he was shocked

Louis looked at Harry in the eyes, and he realised, he did a mistake, Harry wasn't his anymore, he can't share what he found with Harry, it was like he was dreaming and suddenly he woke up, he looked at Harry

“ this is wrong..”

And hastily he was leaving when he trembled on the stairs and fell, and Harry heard the sound of the bump, and he knew Louis hurt something, he put the box hastily on the stairs, and dropped by Louis on his knee,

“ are you ok?” he said frantically

Louis at the start felt nothing, then the pain rushed through his face, above his eyes, he tried to sit well, but his head hurt, he felt dizzy, and lightheaded,

“ damn it Lou ... there is blood" it was Harry, Louis recognized his voice, then he felt hands around his face, and when he opened his eyes, he saw Harry's face, and his eyes were staring at something above Louis's eye

“ I don't think it's deep... but you need to clean it..”

Louis was still looking at Harry, and damn, he miss his touch, he wanted to close his eyes and live the moment, but he was afraid that this all might be a dream

“ you are shaking , Lou... come here"

He helped Louis to stand up, and he wrapped his hand around Louis's waist to support him , and together they entered the house, 

 

Inside the bathroom, Louis sat on the tub edge, Harry looked at his eye brow again where the cut was, 

“ I need you to change your clothes while I get some thing to clean your cut..it’s very wet... you will get sick"

And he moved outside running, Louis was still shocked, what just happened, the dizziness stopped but there was a heavy headache all over his head, he slowly stood, and took off Harry's hoodie, and then undershirt ,  
“ I know you must be freezing..” Harry was back, and Louis didn't even noticed

Then he opened the hot water in the tub

“ I need to clean your cut first..”

Louis nodded, he just sat back, leaning on the wall next to him

“shit... are you dizzy?” Harry sounded worried

Louis just looked at him “ maybe..” Harry sat on the floor in front of him , he was holding a cotton, he looked at Louis in the eye “ this is gonna sting... if you feel you are still dizzy... you can lean on me..”

Louis “ I'm okay..”

Harry was cleaning the blood from Louis face, and from his wound, and yeah, it stings, 

Harry frowned “ did you fell on a rock...it's not deep but it's something... I think it needs stitches..”

Louis sighed “ I’m okay Harry...”

Harry looked at him, then he nodded continued his work but without any further talking, 

When he finished “ you should take a hot bath... you are freezing.. I will get you clean clothes and wash yours..”  
Then he leaned to grab Louis's shirt and hoodie, he looked longer at the hoodie, then at Louis, but said nothing and left the bathroom, closing the door behind him,

When Louis finished, Harry put him the clean clothes on the table beside the bathroom, it was his old ones, Harry must had kept his clothes and didn't get rid if them,

Louis walked through the hall that Led to their bedroom, but he noticed that the other room beside it was opened, so as the light, he got closer, and he saw Harry inside, chest naked, he was looking through his drawer for something to dress. He didn't notice Louis, but Louis got inside, he missed Harry and he couldn't stop his legs, and when Harry turned around he was surprised ,Louis was right in front of him, then Louis looked at his broad chest, at his ugly scar, and he winced, he never saw that scar before, he lifted his hand and slowly he touched the scar line, that scar that reminds him of the worse day of his life, he followed the line from start to the end, he was nervous, no he was emotional, he is finally here, touching Harry, his Harry, when he looked up at Harry's face, Harry's glassy eyes were staring at Louis, they both have the same feeling, they both wanted this so much long time ago

“ I missed you" Louis whispered

Harry's tears was falling, and Louis's finger was wiping them away, then Harry held Louis's hand that was on his checks, and he put it on his lips, Louis closed his eyes, and he was crying too, and at this moment, just right now, the time stopped, Louis hugged Harry tightly, he needed something to believe it was true, to believe Harry was in his hands, his Harry.

Next morning, when Louis opened his eyes, he smiled, he missed his house, he looked beside him, and Harry was there, still sleeping, but he was there, Louis stirred and he kissed his curls, just like the old days, and slowly, Harry was opening his eyes  
When he saw Louis, he smiled, then he closed his eyes again 

“ I thought I was dreaming again..”

Louis smiled “ it looks ... we had the same dream a lot"

Harry smiled, then he opened his eyes, and Louis missed those eyes more than he can imagine, Harry flipped to be on his back, he then looked at Louis who was still looking at Harry

“ how is your head?”

Louis then slept on his naked lap, and he kissed him again “ I feel nothing..”

He then rested his ear on Harry's chest to hear his beats, just as the old days

“ Harry?”

“umhee" he was playing with his hair

“ why are we sleeping in this room?”

Harry sighed “ um... I just... I couldn't sleep there alone..”

Louis nodded, then “ what was Gosh doing any way... are you together?”

Harry frowned looking at him “ no?... I just met him at the airport yesterday.. and I invited him for dinner... I own him an apology.. last time I met him.. I almost broke his nose"

Louis smiling he deserved it anyway, Louis couldn't help it “ so... nothing is going on?”

Harry smiling, he loves jealous Louis “ no..Lou... nothing"

Louis just nodded, then he sat well “ we need another shower..”

Harry smiled winking to him “ just shower?”

Louis smiling “ maybe we could try something else"

Harry “ definitely we will try something else..”

Louis smiled, then Harry sat well “ you go, I will have my meds and follow...”

Louis's smile faded “ you are okay?”

Harry looked at him.” You mean my heart and what happened last night...” then he smiled “ I thought I had a shock in the middle... but I didn't care..”

Louis “ Harry..”

Harry smiling “ I don't know... I never tried it after my implantation”

Louis “ really?!”

Harry leaving the bed “ really... now go... I will call Niall later"

Louis shook his head “ okay.. then no more"

Harry looked at him shocked “ what?”

Louis moving to the bathroom “ you heard me.. I can't risk that"

Harry “ damn you...” but Louis smiled, 

Harry “ you get in... and hurry up.. I’m making breakfast..”

In the kitchen the two of them was sitting on the table , drinking their coffee,

Louis was playing with Harry's ICD bracelet on Harry's hand 

“ did it happened before?” Louis asking looking at the bracelet

Harry looked at his hand “ you mean me fainting... and someone recognized by it?”

Louis nodded, Harry sighed “ long time ago..”

Louis winced “ what happened..”

Harry shook his head “ no... no needs"

Louis “ ok where..”

Harry shook his head again, Louis “ were you okay after?”

Harry shrugged , then he moved his hands away, taking the two cups and heading to the sink “ it was a very long time ago..”

Louis was still thinking “ what did Niall do?”

Harry stopped talking ,Louis shocked “ he doesn't know?”

Harry sighed “ it happened in NEW YORK...”

And Louis was shocked Harry “ Louis... it was long time ago... you need to learn stop thinking about it... you really have to"

Louis nodded, he knew what he meant, it happened the day Harry signed the paper, Harry was alone when it happened, Harry was..

“ stop it..” Harry getting closer “ please"

Louis looked at him nodding

Then he sighed “ I need to go home... the girls must be worried..”

Harry nodded , then “ why did you come any way... and what with my hoodie... I thought I lost it..”

Louis just laughed, when Harry looked inside the box he was so excited, every item he held, he told his story to Louis, reminds him what happened when he knew he lost him, and how sad he was, Louis couldn't help it, he just laughed at Harry all the time.

 

When they later entered the Tomlinson house, Harry and Louis all together, Louis saw luggage at the entrance of the house, and his heart drops, no, this can't be, Steve was here

Unfortunately, no one was there, the twins in the school, Lottie and Fizzy weren't home also,

Harry was putting the bags in his hands on the kitchen table 

“ too bad... I really miss them...”

Then he put the groceries out of the bags, “ I can make them dinner before going to the work.. what shall I make"

When Harry looked at Louis , Louis was still leaning on the door flame, his face was pale as a sheet, eyes opened wide, and he was breathing really fast, Harry immediately knew something terrible happened , Harry's face turned white too 

“ what happened?”

Louis finally found his voice “ Harry..” he whispered his voice. He knew what is happening 

“ Louis..”  
It was a man voice, Harry turned to see while Louis was still staring at Harry, and there he was Steve, he moved and hugged Louis, and Harry was terribly shocked, he was staring at Louis who didn't break the look, Louis was shocked but he needed to explain to Harry, but Harry was just leaving when Louis tried to beg Harry to stay, but Harry looked at him in disbelief, then he left the kitchen.

Outside the house, Harry was leaving when Louis ran after him, he held his arms 

“ Harry wait"

Harry looked at him “ you are still together?”

Louis looked at Harry but didn't talk, and he knew that look, it was a look he saw nearly every time they met recently “ I can explain...”

Harry hysterically “ what?... what do you have to explain... you are still together... oh God I don't believe that..”

Harry was shocked, and nervous, he started to cry “ you cheated on him with me.. what the fuck Louis.. what were you thinking.”

Louis looked behind him at the door to see if there was anyone listening, Harry was more shocked “ oh God..what did you made me do?”

He put his hand on his chest, and tried to breath, Louis saw him and got panic “ I will leave him...I am... but I... just need time"

Harry yelled “ time?” his hand still on his chest, he even squeezed his shirt and Louis knew Harry was in pain

Louis “ you have to understand..”

Harry shook his hand, he was moving back and front in a hysterical way “ oh God...”, he can't breathe well,

Louis was getting closer, he needed Harry to calm down “ I swear.. I will end it..”

Harry looked at him finally “ ; how could you do this to me?”

Louis cried “ Harry.. please... I will... I just.. I wasn't thinking..”

He was going to touch Harry, he was panicking, Harry wasn't calming down, and he was really scared, but Harry yelled “ don't touch me... don't touch me..God... who are you?”

Louis moved his hands away “ Harry.. please.. everything will be okay.. I promise..”

Harry looked at him “ just why?”

Then they heard a car peep , 

“ Harry?”

Louis knew the voice, it was Zayn ,Harry looked at Louis

“ I ... I d don't know... how to think... I can't believe you did this to me... I'm Harry for God sake"

And then he left, Louis wanted to stop him, but he knew he can't so he gave up trying , but he knew what he will do, he knew he will end what was happening with Steve, he will win Harry back, he will do his best to win him back, he was still looking at Harry, and then Zayn went out of the car looking frantically at Harry, and then at Louis , Harry was still pressing on his chest, Zayn wrapped his hand around Harry 

“ what do you feel"

But Harry just headed towards the car, Zayn looked again at Louis for any explanation, but Louis was just staring at Harry, 

Harry whispered something to Zayn, cause Zayn looked at Harry eyes full if dread, and all he could say 

“ now?...okay.. okay.”

He put Harry in the car and he rushed to sit on the driving seat, sharing the last look with Louis, and then they drove away 

 

 

 

 

 

Qq


	11. Photograph - Ed Sheeran

Louis was weak, he was lost and he was angry at himself, but most important he was coward , he cheated on Steve, and he didn't tell Harry , and he again screwed up.

He entered his house, and he knows he has a long conversation with Steve, 

Steve was waiting for him in the kitchen, he was sitting on the kitchen table, holding some papers in his hands, Louis knew that he was about to hurt Steve now just like he hurt Harry earlier.

When Steve noticed him, he was calm, actually he was very calm

“ I called you.. a lot”

Louis nodded, he knew Steve must have called, but Louis forgot his phone at his room when he stormed to Harry last night

Steve “ you were with him? ... last night"

Louis couldn't talk, he had no power if he wanted to  
Steve just nodded “ you spent the night with him?”

Louis avoided looking at Steve right now, Steve just sight “ oh God.. you slept together"

Louis looked at him, Steve was still staring at Louis, he then broke the eye contact, he closed his eyes “ I knew it...”

Louis wanted to say anything, he really did, but there was nothing in his mind

“ the minute we put our feet in London... and you changed.. you talk differently, you smile.. you even laugh differently.. you are not Louis that I knew at the states .. but you know what... this is the real you..”

Louis was looking at Steve, Steve wasn't crying, but he was hurt “ those two days... you haven't called... not for once..and I guess I know why now"

Louis wanted to correct him , but he just kept silent

“ I know you love him... I know you never stopped.. I mean you tried.. to forget him... to hate him... but you still in love with him... you look at him in a way... I never saw you glowing like this before"

Then Steve looked at him, he waited for anything, 

finally Louis said “ I'm sorry..”

Steve shook his head “ no please, don't... I mean I don't deserve this... but I would be a real stupid if I tell you I'm surprised...”

Louis was confused, but Steve completed

“ he is... he is perfect... I mean if he wasn't already taken... I would try my shot" he smiled

Louis sat by Steve, he placed his hand on his “ I'm really so.. so sorry... I never meant to hurt you this way... I never wanted to hurt you"

Steve tears fell now , but he didn't look at Louis “ now what?”

Louis sighed, he wanted to cry himself, cause he doesn't know the answer for this question “ I really don't know..”

Steve frowned “ aren't you like got back together?”

Louis shook his head “ I... fuck... I screw up as usual... I hadn't tell him we were still together.. when.. when we slept me and him together... he found out and he freaked out"

Steve nodded “ he is ... really a good lad" he smiled. He tried to sound like Louis, Louis tried to.smile 

“ he is a good guy... I mean if my ex stood with my family like he did... and tried to act civilized with my fiancee.. I would do the same...”

Louis pressed on Steve hands, cause what he said still hurts

“ Louis... do you remember why you divorced him... to be happy... but you are not happy... he is not happy... but I know when you are with him you are you... you don't fake your smile, you become yourself... don't lose yourself again... come on we both know it was a terrible mistake to leave him anyway... I heard you for a whole year.. every night crying on your pillow... I know you were in pain... you don't deserve this" Steve looked at him and tapped on his hand

Louis sighed “ for all this year... I wanted to hate him .. I really wanted to blame him...I wanted him to sacrifice everything he built and join me... but... I didn't want to sacrifice ... I asked him to do things I know he can't do... I know I can't do... I put it all on his shoulders and stood there and watched...I wanted to win"

Steve nodded “ I know"

Louis tears on his eyes “ but I lost everything... and I wanted to hate him for this... I invented a lie..and I believed it and it went to far"

He wiped his tears “ he came to me... he begged me that night in NY, he told me he was ready to leave everything behind... he was ready to sacrifice everything and stay with me... but I wanted to believe we won't be happy .. I wanted to believe that because I was weak.. and stupid.. and I was scared ... I was scared of hurting him... if he dies ... I.. “

He cried again “ he barely survived a heart attack... and I.. I let him down... and .. I thought if I left him he will be okay... he will be saved... I thought I can do it... but I was the one who died this night... this divorce killed me.. and I ... I tried to shut my feelings and I thought I can forget him... and I'm sorry.. I'm so sorry Steve... I know you hate me now... and”

Steve cupped Louis's face “ shhh.. shhh.. I don't hate you...I never will... but Louis please, stop hurting yourself... please stop it...”

Louis looked at him “ you idiots... need each other... he loves you.... very fucking much... I see his face ever time when he is not looking and you are around, and all his life is in to you... please go.. win him back.. go get happy.. stop torturing yourself, one year ago.. you did a terrible mistake... I think now it's time to make things right"

Louis was still looking at Steve “ I'm so sorry"

Steve nodded he hugged Louis “ I know... I know you are... I forgive you, you deserve the best, stop hurting yourself, please"

And Louis sobbed harder, and he hugged Steve tighter, it was the first time since last year, when Louis finally knew what he will do, 

Steve had to stay at a hotel, he had some work to do in London, and he had to stay, but he couldn't stay at Louis's, and Louis couldn't push him, he booked him a room and he gave him a ride, Steve told Louis that he only has two days left and he should get back to New York, Louis knows this, he didn't needed to get reminded, but he also knows that he had no time to think, he didn't need to think anyway, he will get Harry back, and what ever Harry asks, Louis will do, that what really matters,

Louis tried to call Zayn like ten times, but never got an answer, he even called Niall and Liam, but obviously they had no idea what was happening, he went to Harry's place waited in front the door for two hours, Harry hadn't shown , he went to Zayn's and it was the same result, he went to Niall and Liam's place and Liam was there sleeping alone, he went to the restaurant and there was no sign for Harry or Zayn, so eventually Louis went back to Zayn's and he decided he will wait till anyone show up.

Nearly at midnight, Zayn finally showed up, when he saw Louis sitting in his stairs, he wasn't surprised, he expected him anyway, 

When Louis saw him, he stood up, he wasn't angry he was just worried 

“ why in hell you are not answering me..”

Zayn “ how long were you waiting?”

Louis sighed “ all the day..Zayn , where is he?”

Zayn sighed, he walked to open the door, and he entered followed by Louis

“ Zayn... I'm worried..”

Zayn headed to the kitchen “ I know...and sorry for not answering... but he was there and he didn't want you to know where he was"

Louis sighed “ is he okay?”

Zayn pouring some hot water in a cup, and then he put the cup of tea in front of Louis “ drink this.. you've turned blue"

Louis was still looking at Zayn, Zayn “ he is ok.. finally"

Louis “ what happened?”

Zayn was still refusing to talk, but Louis was extremely worried, it was written all over his face

“ Zayn , please... don't do this... I know.. I know you are angry.. just tell me what happened, he wasn't okay right?.. I know he wasn't"

Zayn “ calm down... Louis.. he is okay I promise”

He then gave him his cup of tea, Louis took it and sat on the table in the kitchen

Zayn started “ he didn't want to go home... he knows you will be looking for him"

Louis nodded drinking some tea, he already stopped feeling his limbs

Zayn “ what did you do? I feel like it's last year and I'm trying again to collect the broken pieces in his soul... I hate to see him this way... you know he doesn't deserve this"

Louis sighed, he passed his hands on his face, he needs this to over, he needs this pain to finally come to an end,

Zayn sat by him “ he was in pain... I mean physically, and I think.. he was shocked.. more than once.. he refused to go to the hospital and I didn't want to upset him any further... so I took him to Gigi's"

Louis was shaking now, he put the cup on the table, he couldn't control it any more, when Zayn noticed, he put his hand on Louis's

“ it wasn't his first so I didn't take him to the hospital... those shocks.. nearly drained all his power, so he slept there.. Gigi will take care of him, she knows what to do"

Louis nodded trying to control himself, Zayn bit his lips, he was trying to speak the right words, he knew how weak Louis was right now

“ listen... Harry didn't exactly told me what happened... all I know .. you slept together and Steve was..”

Louis hastily “ I broke up with him... it's over"

Zayn was shocked at the start, he then took a deep breath “ what are you planning to do?”

Louis shrugged “ I don't know.. but I know one thing... I need my husband back"

Zayn nodded “ what if... Harry didn't want this?”

Louis was shocked “ um... if he really doesn't want to get back... I will fight for him... I will win him back"

Zayn finally smiled “ that exactly what I need to hear... if you ever let him down again ... I will kill you Louis... you know I will... you don't want me to swear to God.. you don't want to make a Muslim man swear to God... because he will have to execute" 

Louis smiled, Zayn sighed “ last year... I begged you... not to leave him... to think about it... and here I am begging you again... please... don't leave him... last year was a big mistake... I want my friends back.. please"

Louis nodded, and he felt hope, he felt repose, Zayn was there supporting him to get back to Harry, and that mean only one thing , Harry wanted to get back too, or he hoped.

 

Early morning, Louis went out of his house wothout sharing any talk with any of his sisters, he can't handle any other argument any way, he headed directly to Gigi's place,

When she opened the door she was full dressed heading to her work, she told him Harry was still asleep, and then she wished him luck and left the house for the old couple

Louis opened the room door, he expected Harry to be asleep, but Harry wasn't , he was lying on the bed, his back leaned on the headboard, once he saw Louis his eyes turned wide opened, he didn't expect him, or he didn't want to see him

Louis entered the roo, he still doesn't know whete to begin, but Harry moved the cover away suddenly, abd he was leaving the bed

“ Harry..” Louis started

“ no..” Harry answered refusing to look at him, he wore his t-shirt and then his jacket

“ Harry.. wait" Louis knew Harry was running away

“ no... no” Harry looked at him pointing at his lips to keep Louis's mouth shut, and he sat on the bed to wear his shoes

Louis saw the tears in Harry's eyes, but he was there to fix it “ listen to me"

Harry “ shut up Louis... please just shut up... no...no"

Louis “ it's over" , but Harry ignored him, still wearing his shoes sniffling,

Louis tried again “ I broke up"

Harry crying yelling “ no... stop" he stood up taking his stuffs from the nightstand beside the bed

Louis was watching him, tears filled his eyes “ I broke up with Steve for you..”

Harry crying “ no... don't say it... stop talking Louis... I can't... this is wrong"

Louis hastily “ no .. leaving you was wrong"

Harry yelled “ but you did... you left me... and I begged you to change your mind... I forgave you for cheating on me and told you I was moving to NEY YORK... but you left me anyway... and it hurt... it still hurts"

Louis nodded crying now “ I know baby... but I'm here now to make things right"

Harry still crying shaking his head “ no....no .. you....no"  
”  
He stopped talking wiping his eyes with his hands , he then looked at Louis “ I'm tired ... I can't... I keep expecting the worse from you... you keep hurting me and I can't take it any more"

Louis getting closer “ won't happen again baby... I promise”

Harry stepped back, pointing at Louis to stop “ don't.... just don't...” he took a deep breath trying to stop himself from crying “ I don't know what to do .... I'm hurt... everything hurts ... I.. I can't breathe... I can't live this way... I don't want to live this way any more”

Louis stopped moving, he was shocked “ Harry?”

Harry shook his head “ I had enough Louis... this is too much" and again he put his hand on his chest “ I'm hurt... I want this to stop... I want to live normal again... every time I look at your face I remember... you left me and it hurts"

Louis nodded, Harry “ I don't want you to hurt me any more..”

Louis “ I won't..”

Harry took a deep breath “ I can't take it any more... you should stop doing this to me"

Louis couldn't do anything, he just stood there watching Harry crying, he couldn't get any closer, he wanted to hug him, to kiss the pain away, if he had a gun he would put it in Harry’s hand and ask him to shoot so he get hurt too, Harry was in a lot of pain, and Louis was as usual the only reason.. and it kills right now.

Harry just left Louis there, and Louis felt he can't move, he never saw Harry this way, crying, shuddering, failing to calm himself, he never saw Harry lost this way, in such pain, Harry left the flat nearly running, Harry ran away from Louis, and Louis didn't follow, he was scared of hurting Harry again, he was scared for causing Harry much pain,

Louis didn't know how longer he stayed at Gigi's flat. But when he left heading to his house. He knew he was crying the whole way, he didn't cry that way when he left Harry the first time, or when Harry signed the paper, but right now he was crying and he couldn't stop himself.

When Louis entered his house, he knew his sisters all were there, he heard thier voices, he just headed and sat on the couch in front the TV, he felt weak to do anything else, he was still crying, but suddenly he felt some one sat beside him on his left, it was Lottie, and the Fizzy was on his right, then the twins each sat in front of him on the floor, he was still crying, and now his sisters, every one kissed a part of her brother, and then he rested his head on FIzzy's lap, and he sobbed, all his sisters were tapping on him trying to make him better, they were crying with him, and he wasn't embarrassed, he loved his sisters, and sharing that moment of weakness only would make him feel stronger, they love him no matter what, they will love him all the way, that's what sisters are for, to love you no matter what, and Louis couldn't be more grateful.  
Louis spent this day in his sisters laps, every single one took her share, he was weak and he let them take care of him.

 

Next day was the day he should leave, he tried to call Harry last night many,many, times but Harry didn't answer, but this morning he promised himself another try before leaving,  
He was leaving with Steve midnight, Steve called him this morning to know how did it go, and it hurt him that things still didn't work out, after all Steve was a good lad who really loved Louis and wished him happiness.

On the othet hand, Harry went to his room, he didn't leave it although he knew he should go to restaurant, works were too much and Zayn started to complain  
When the door bell rang, Harry knew it must be Zayn or Gigi, he promised to have breakfast with them and when they called he ignored, he ignored all the calls he was receiving since last night, it was mostly from Louis, and he can't talk to.Louis now or any time sooner,

When he opened the door he was shocked , Steve was standing in front if him

“ good morning Harry" Steve said friendly, Harry didn't answer

“ can I get in... it's really cold.. I still didn't get used to your weather"

Harry nodded, and he left a room for him to enter, Steve entered and Harry closed the door behind him, and his min raced to know why was Steve here any way,  
Harry and Steve headed to sit on the large couch in front if the TV

“ would you like some coffee?” Harry finally found his face

Steve smiled “ thanks Harry... coffee would be great”

When Harry was back with two cups of coffee, Steve took his cup thanking Harry, Harry sat in front of him  
“ I know you must wondering why I'm here..” Steve started, and Harry was just staring at him

“ well... it's about Louis" Steve said, but Harry broke the look, and looked at the floor, he didn't want to talk to any one about Louis any more, he decided he had enough

“ listen I know how you must be thinking... I'm like trying to be a hero and save your relation... but Harry .. you know it's the right thing”

Harry didn't respond, didn't even look at him  
“ he loves you.. he always did... he never stopped"

Harry “ it's hard to believe that specially from you...”

Steve nodded smiling “ that's exactly why you need to believe me... Louis is in pain Harry.. he feels like this time he lost you for ever... like really lost you" 

Harry looked at him “ he lost me when he forced me to sign that paper" 

Steve “ Harry... you need to know he did it for you"

Harry looked at him confused, but Steve continued “ do you know how much pain he was in... I mean you barely survived an attack.. an attack that cause a permanent damage to your heart, and he believes that it was all his fault, he was scared of you...” 

Harry “ and he thought leaving me will do what exactly...”

Steve “ protecting you..” 

Harry getting angry “ from what?”

Steve “ from him Harry... Louis knew he was the thread.. actually he still believes he is the thread, he believes if he stayed with you he will hurt you again, he will cause you another attack which your friend made it clear that you can't handle it, so his mind convinced him that he should protect you this way..”

Harry didn't talk, he never looked at it this way, he always thought Louis just wanted to work there and he can leave everything behind

Steve “ Louis blames himself every day for breaking your heart, but he can't live another day if anything wrong happened to you... cause he knows he is the one who.was responsible for what happened to you"

Harry whispered “ it wasn't his fault" 

Steve chuckled “ he never believes that...” he then sighed “ listen Harry.. I know Louis since you were apart... and I swear to God I have never ever seen him glowing the way I see him when you are around"

Harry “ he got engaged"

Steve “.he was faking everything... he even believed himself... he did it thinking he might really forget you"

Harry “ but he didn't?”

Steve stressing “ he didn't..”

Harry took a deep breath, Steve looked at him “ Harry.. I have nothing else to say except ... Louis is a really good guy, don't lose him twice... cause you will be a fool"

Then he put the cup on the table “ thanks for the coffee" and he stood up “ we are leaving at the midnight... but I know he won't leave at all if you asked him to" but Harry didn't speak

Steve leaving to the door “ promise me you will think about it" Harry just nodding shaking hands with Steve who left after leaving Harry again to his thoughts.

At the evening, Niall and Liam insisted on meeting Louis, and Louis wanted to see them too, he wanted to talk to them about Harry, he needed their help any way,  
They went to have dinner together, they hadn't shared a meal long time ago, plus Naill was just hungry as usual  
They met a small restaurant near the hospital, they had a lot of word any way and they only had two hours  
Liam finishing his sandwich 

“ oh God... I know how he gets some times"

Niall still eating but from Louis's plate “ don't push so far Louis" 

Louis hitting Niall on his hand when he was going to take his sandwich

“ Niall.. stop looking at Harry as your patient... and stop eating my God damn food"

Niall sighed “ okay... but I'm still hungry..”

Liam “ oh dear..” 

Louis was looking at him angrily, Naill finally surrender “ okay.. okay.. just tell me ... what do you have in mind?”

Louis almost yelling “ I have nothing.. all I need is him back"

Then Liam cell phone rang, Niall “ okay.. listen.. you know how Harry is stubborn..” 

Liam answered “ yes Zayn...”

Naill talking to Louis “ all you need to do is keep talking..try..”

Liam “ wow.. wow.. wow.. wait .. no I didn't see Harry ..why...” 

he was looking at the both lads on the same table with him with concerns 

“ oh my God on fire...” then he stood up, Niall and Louis was mouth opened staring at Laim

“ are you sure he is inside... oh God... no... okay...we are on our way" 

He hung up, Niall stood too looking at pale Liam 

“ what's wrong?”

Liam “ Harry and Zayn's restaurant is on fire..”

Niall “ what do you mean..”

Liam wearing his jacket “ it's burning " then he looked at Louis “ they can't find Harry... Zayn ... he is afraid he might be inside"

And the time stopped, Louis's heart stopped, everything stopped , they can't find Harry, and he might be in the burning place.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only one chapter left guys, thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed the journey :)


	12. Drag me down - one direction , from dusk till down - Zayn Malik.and Sia

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter my friends, I want to thank you for the supports, for reading, and I really hope you like the journy, and wait for me for other works if you like my style :)
> 
> and again im sorry for any mistakes, english is not my first language:)

It took them nearly seven minutes to be at the place, even with Liam driving they took no time to arrive, in all these seven minutes Louis mind was racing to think.. but he didn't even know what to think about, Zayn can't find Harry, they can't find Harry, Niall called Gemma cause Louis couldn't form a word, and he wasn't there, Louis did called his sisters and no one knew where Harry was, 

When they arrived the place looked horrible, fire were every place, the place was really on fire, the place that Harry spent his last years making it better year after year was now turning again into ashes, 

Once Louis saw zayn he stormed to him, Zayn was trying to catch his breath, he was leaning on some one of their co workers, and when he noticed Louis

“ he is in there... Jack saw him in there, that bastard fucking saved his life"

he said frantically, coughing his lungs out

“ I tried ... I tried to find him... but I..”

Louis didn't have to wait for what Zayn had to say, he looked at the entrance that was nearly swallowed by the smokes, and he looked again at Zayn, he was crying , Liam and Naill was by him trying to help him breath, then..

It took him a second, he wasn't thinking he knew he wasn't, but that doesn't really need thinking, Harry was in there, and he didn't know if he was conscious or not, if he was okay or not, Louis ran inside, he imagined hearing his friends yelling after him, and no it wasn't imagining, his friends were really yelling his name because that is stupid, getting inside was stupid

Once he was inside, he couldn't see anything, the place was full of smoke, and fire, it was really too hard to see, or to even breath, he started to couch , and he found it a struggle to take a full breath, 

“ Harry...” he started to yell covering his nose and mouth with his inner forearm, he was still coughing and still calling Harry's name

“ Harry... where are you...”

The whole place was on fire , nothing wasn't burning, nothing wasn't ruined, and it emotionally hurt,

“ Louis...” a mumbled voice

Louis headed towards the voice “ is that you... Harry where are you?”

“ Lou... is that you?” the dame voice but only clearer and louder

Louis again trying to figure out where the voice coming from revolving around himself

“ what the hell are you doing here... the place is on fire"

Louis nearly knew where that sound come from, it came from the most burning place, it was really disappeared under the fire and smokes

“Harry.. are you okay..”

“ you gotta leave Louis... it's crashing down..”

And no ,Louis is not leaving, he was getting closer,” I'm not leaving without you baby..”

Harry was coughing bad now, and Louis was fighting not to think of his asthma

“ baby.. just get help..” Harry was still trying

“ not leaving without you.. not any more" he was looking for any way to get in too Harry , his vision was getting maybe a little better, but his eyes burns and sting, and he felt tears filling them already

“ please , Lou... you have to get out"

“ I'm not leaving you again Harry..” 

“ this is not a divorce... it's your fucking life" and Louis knew Harry was crying, his voice cracked 

“ i'm not losing you again... now tell me what do you see..”

“ I can't find Mark... I don't know where he is Louis...”

And fuck , Harry is thinking of some one else while he was this close of dying

“ Harry... what do you see... any windows... where the hell are you?”

“ find Mark Lou... get him put of here"

Louis was getting angry “ it's not the right time to be stubborn Harry"

Harry yelled too “ I'm not leaving anyone behind... and you stop being heroic and get the hell out of here or find Mark"

Louis was cursing under his breath, he looked around, he doesn't even know what does Mark look like

“ I'm here Mr styles"

Coming a weak voice, under the broken ruins at the right corner

“ I found him Harry" Louis yelled heading towards who ever Mark was

Mark was a young guy he was lying on the floor holding his hand, it must be broken , Louis got on his knees 

“ are you okay?”

The guy just nodded while Louis helped him stand up

“ is he okay?” 

Harry coughing yelling, and Louis hated it, he is wasting his time, he has to be trying to save Harry

“ I'm ok Mr Styles"

Harry “ Mark.. get out of here... Louis .. please just get out of here..”

Louis looked at Mark “ can you walk?”

Mark nodded, Louis “ good... this way... is the exit... go.. now"

Mark looked at where Harry was, Louis “ I will get him out.. now just go"

The boy just nodded, he was terrified, he just started to walk avoiding the fire that was eating everything, Louis turned to where Harry was 

“ where are you Harry.. answer me..”

Harry “ Lou..” but he sounded defeated this time

Louis “ no Harry... I'm here.. and I'm not leaving without you.. are you at the kitchen?”

Harry “ yeah.. I can't leave"

Louis got panicked now “ are you hurt? Do you feel anything?”

Harry “ I'm stuck..”

Louis looked around him, then he looked above, and there was a glass window near the top of the wall that the kitchen was behind, he looked at anything that he could climb to have a look, 

“ harry... you have to try... what about the back door... it's there right?”

But there was no answer, Louis found a table, still not destroyed by the fire, he pushed it to the wall, and then jumped up, looking through the window, and the view was awful, fire every where , at the entrance there was a lot of fire, Harry was standing in the middle looking around him, he looked exhausted, he wasn't standing up right, he was coughing now and Louis know there was no time left , Harry wasn't breathing okay, he was slowly suffocating in the smokes, and Louis was scared that he might pass out

“ baby... Harry.. I'm right here I'm not leaving... please... just go find the back door"

Harry looking around him, he knew Louis changed his place, he looked up at the ceiling 

“ it's.. stuck"

Louis was trying to look at that door, but the sight wasn't helping, he couldn't see how the door was stuck 

“ baby.. give it another shot"

Harry was trying to breath now, still coughing , he leaned on his knees

“ Hazza.. baby... please... try"

Then Louis also coughed badly, then he heard the fire serine, the help was finally there 

“ Harry... the help is here..”

Then the whole place started to shack, Louis looked around him , and things was falling from the ceiling, he looked again at Harry, he was also looking up, things were falling around him, he was scared, he was crying

Louis “ Harry... go baby...go"

Harry walked two steps but he fell on the ground on his knees and hands , Louis was freaking out, but he wanted to sound strong 

“ move baby please... I'm here I'm not leaving.. if you die I die... Harry..”

Harry was shaking that Louis could see, he was crawling now Louis 

“ that's right baby... go ... I love you baby.. I love you.. you can do it ”

Slowly Harry stood up, and Louis got an idea, if he could call anyone to move to the back door, he may can help Harry, he looked in his pockets and shit, where is the phone when you need him, he can't find it any where,

When Harry looked at the back door, at that area Louis couldn't see, he froze, like seeing a ghost, he didn't move, but he was crying, he then closed his eyes 

“ Lou.. are you still there?”

Louis was staring at Harry “ yes.. I'm here..”

Harry nodded “ I found it... I'm .. opening it..” then he covered his mouth to control his cry, then “ meet me at the other side.. I'm on way"

But Harry wasn't moving, he was just looking at the ground, and slowly he put his hand on his chest, he was crying

“ and Lou... I love you...”

Louis was crying now, he knew what Harry saw it was a dead end

“ I always did... always will.. keep that in your mind..”

Louis was shaking his head, crying “ no..”

Harry “ and I forgive you.. do you hear me?.. I do" Harry was looking around, and he cried 

Harry slowly head toward a wall a little far from the fire, and slowly he leaned on it, and he sat on the floor 

“ go.. Louis.. I will meet you on the other side"

Harry knew there was no way out , and he had to say his goodbyes, and no Louis won't leave Harry to die alone, not like this , not here, and in front of his eyes  
He jumped down the table and he headed toward where Harry was, the place was shaking again and things fell again from every where, but Louis had to get to Harry, he heard men from outside yelling their names, and he knew firemen were on the way, but he needs to make sure Harry was okay, and alive,  
He put out his jacket and he put it on his head, and 

he took a deep breath which was a mistake because he started to cough again, and then he invaded the fire , it was hot, it was blind, but he did it, he knew the place very well, he entered the kitchen, and he wasn't on fire, he succeeded, if he can do this , then together they can, he climbed the rocks that were on the floor to get to Harry, and he finally called

“Harry..”

And Harry snapped his head up, and slowly he stood up again , he looked through the fire, the smokes, and here he was Louis finally got to Harry

When Harry saw him, he ran and hugged him crying “ why did you... why did you do this ?”

Louis hugging him tightly too “ I'm not leaving you.. not again..”

Harry cried “ you could die..”

Louis cupped his face “ no ..we are not.. and I told you.. if you die.. I die.. and I don't wanna die.. so you should fight with me.. we can make it.. trust me in this"

Harry looked at him and nodded, Louis took his hand, and he was going from where he came, but the ground underneath them shook violently, blocks fall from the ceiling, and they had to cover, they retreated back, and leaned till all the building stopped moving, Louis looked at Harry

“ let's go"

Harry nodded, and again they stood, But Harry didn't move, and then he was on the ground, Louis tried to prevent the fall but it was too fast, he only held his shoulders, and slowly he put him on the ground.. and no, there was not time for this, Harry received a violent shock, and he couldn't take it so he passed out  
Louis was crying now, he knew he can't carry him, they won't survive this way, he tapped on Harry's check 

“ baby..Haz... come on..”

He put his head on Harry's chest, to hear the heart beat, 

“ Harry.. come on"

Harry wasn't responding, and his body jolted again, and this was a bad sign, as Louis knew  
There was no time for thinking ,Louis stood and carried Harry bridal style, he headed to the entrance, fire every where, blocks every where, but no he refuses to die this way,

He tried to pass the first block, he felt out of breath, everything hurts, his body, his back, he can't breath, Harry looked can't breath too

And then out of no where, he saw a huge shadow coming toward them, and he knew this was the end, he looked hard to recognize what was going on, and then he saw a fire man heading toward them, he took Harry from his hand and he put him on his shoulder, he was talking to Louis but Louis couldn't make any sense, he looked confused and the fire man, poked him on his shoulder

“ sir... hear me sir...”

“ can you hear me sir...” 

and finally Louis nodded, 

The fireman “ can you walk?”

Louis nodded again, the man “ okay.. follow me.. don't get any far.. we will get you out of here..”

And Louis nodded, the man was walking ,and Louis was looking at unconscious Harry that was dangling from the huge fireman shoulder, he didn't stop staring , he didn't stop following Harry, and out of nowhere, Louis was breathing again, he felt cold suddenly, he followed the man putting Harry on the ground, and suddenly, Niall was there, and there was a blanket on Louis shoulder, Niall was on the ground by Harry, trying to gain him back, Liam was checking on Louis, but he was still staring at Harry, 

Liam then sat by Harry on the ground, Niall was checking his pulse, he lowered his head to hear the beat, to feel the breath

Liam was looking at Harry, and then Louis saw Zayn sitting too, holding one of Harry's hand, and this is not the end.. it can't be the end, 

Then Liam was going to touch Harry to perform CPR but Niall stopped him, and Louis couldn't understand why

Liam looking at Naill “ what are you doing?;

Niall eyes were wide opened looking at Harry, he just shook his head, Zayn looking at both of them 

“ save him... do something" he yelled frantically 

And then Louis finally sat on the ground, staring at his husband

“ Niall.. tell me he is alive..”

Niall didn't answer, he was still staring at Harry

Zayn yelling now “ what the fuck....”

The medics show up and sat by Liam now, Naill looked at them and shook his head

And then Harry's body jolted, they all were shocked, and they waited, the minutes felt like hours, then Harry slowly opened his eyes, 

Naill sighed “ oh my God.. that was so close"

Liam and Zayn smiling, Harry slowly recognizing them, he whispered “ Lou?”

Naill “ he is here..” he looked at Louis, he got closer “ I'm here baby"

And Harry looked at him, he took Niall's place, and he held his other hand, “ I'm here"

Harry smiled “ that was .. close..”

Louis smiling “ yeah.. it was..”

Harry smiling “ I'm incredible" 

Louis and they boys all smiled, Louis looked at him in the eyes “ you are..”

Then he looked at the sky “ I need to stand up..”

And slowly, Zayn and Louis helped him, Harry then looked at his restaurant, firemen was trying to put the fire down, he looked at the place he loves the most, Zayn was looking too, he must be sharing the same feeling, Harry just cuddled Zayn, and together they watched their dream crashing before their eyes, they both cried, and they both thanked their God differently for everyone safety. 

 

Niall insisted to take Harry, Louis and Zayn to hospital, he needed to make sure they were okay, he needed to make some checks on Harry, his heart was so exhausted, he was stressed, anxious, and Niall had to give him some sedative to knock him down, and it did, he slept, and Louis couldn't leave his side, Louis had a dislocated arm, he didn't know when this happen or how, but he had one, he had to use sling, and that was all Zayn was totally okay, only needed some oxygen, he smelled a lot of smokes

No one was hurt, every one was saved, but the place wasn't, it was completely burned, nothing was left, and Louis knew it will hurt Harry when he wakes up.  
When Harry opened his eyes the next morning, he immediately knew he was in hospital, remembered what happened the last night, he sighed and wished it was just a bad dream,

When he looked beside him, he found Louis sleeping on the chair, wearing a sling

“ Lou?” Harry tried to call, and slowly Louis stirred on the chair, then he opened his eyes, and looked at Harry, when he saw Harry smiling, he smiled

“ finally.. what time is it?”

Louis moved to sit by Harry on the bed

Harry frowned “ what's wrong with your hand..”

Louis looked at his hand “ dislocated arm..”

Harry surprised" really??”

Louis smiled “ calm down... we finally turned that heart to normal rate..”

Harry smiled, looked at machine beside him to check his beats , Louis was looking too

“ Niall and I .. came into a conclusion.. your heart is stubborn as his owner, we even named it.. draconian heart..”

Harry looking at him impressed 

“ draconian?? What does it even mean?”

Louis smiling “ brutal.. vicious ..”

Harry nodded “ okay.. okay.. you are absolutely right"

Louis laughed , then he looked at Harry softly “ how do you feel baby?”

Harry stopped laughing, he rested his head on the pillow and sighed “ I'm wounded... I lost everything"

Louis winced at that “ I'm so sorry baby... I'm so sorry"

Harry became alerted “ where is Zayn?”

Louis “ he is okay.. he is okay... he is with Gigi..”

Harry nodded rested again “ good .. that good" 

Then he looked away from Louis, turned his face to the other side 

Louis frowned, then he moved a curl of Harry's hair away from his face, and he saw Harry crying, he kissed his forehead

“ don't cry..”

“ I lost every thing before my eyes...”

Louis nodded “ we will biuld everything again... everything will be okay"

Harry then looked at him “ you missed your flight?”

Louis nodded, then he smiled “ I'm not leaving... not again"

Harry shook his head “ no.. you..”

Louis put his finget on Harry's lip “ you listen to me... I'm not doing the same mistake again... I'm not leaving you Harry.. not ever..”

Harry crying “ I can't let you do this..”

Louis shook his head” I love you"

“ I know"

“ I never stopped"

“ I know"

Louis sighed and he was crying too “ then why leaving?”

Harry “ your work is there..”

Louis frowned “ screw my work.. I belong here to you.”  
Harry “ I can't ask you to do this"

Louis shook his head “ no ... I want to do this... I don't know about you but.. I'm not planning to leave your side any time sooner"

Harry stopped talking

Louis sighed “ last night when ... you were on the ground.. I thought I really lost you.. for real.. and I realized.. I can't survive.."

Harry was going to talk, but Louis “ I know I can't always protect you... but I want to be there, when you have your next shock.. I want to be there... when you are in pain.. I want to be there, I want to know when you are not okay... and I want you to be happy... and I want to share you your happiness.. I want you to forgive me..” he then cried

Harry sat well, and he hugged Louis to his chest, really strong “ shh.. shhh I forgive you...I forgave you from day one" 

he was tapping really softly on his back 

“ I never was mad at you.. I never blamed you for anything.. I love you... and I only signed the paper because I wanted you to be happy,”

Louis hugged him tightly “ I'm so sorry... I hurt you.. I hurt you badly..”

Harry “ shhh... shhh.. please.. I love you baby.. you saved my life"

Louis cried in Harry's embrace, and Harry tried to calm him down with all his power.

 

Five months after

Harry was inside the brand new restaurant, yeah they rebuild it again, it took them five months to build it again , together with Zayn, every thing was good again, everything was perfect,

Tomorrow was the opening, Harry and Zayn were in the kitchen, checking their last preparations ,

Zayn was completely abstracted, he tried to focus, but no way, Harry noticed but he waited for Zayn to open up, because that what Zayn was like, he talks when he wants to talk,

Harry was sitting on a table, in front of him a lot of papers, then Zayn sat in front of him giving him a cup of coffee

“ you need to eat something..” Zayn said frowning, 

Harry looked at him “ okay... what's wrong"

Zayn just sighed, then he put out a jewel box from his pocket, and he put it on the table in front of Harry  
Harry was surprised, mouth opened in a shock 

“ finally..”

Zayn with a shaky voice “ I’m freaking out”

Harry nodded “ yeah.. me too... oh my God.. when did you decide it?” he held the box and opened it to see the ring

Zayn sighed “ I have it two years ago..”

Harry “ what?!!”

Zayn “ I don't know what she will say... I'm just... what if she said no... I will lose her Harry.. for ever" his full body was shaking

Harry smiled “ she will not say no you idiot"

“ who will not say no?” Louis coming towards them sitting by Harry, then he saw the box in Harry's hand and he was also shocked “ finally?”

Harry laughed “ and he had it two fucking years ago..”

Zayn was anxious “ I'm scared... I'm about to have an attack..”

Louis “ stop it... she loves you... you always do... and I'm sure she is waiting for this more than two years ago"

Harry giving Zayn the box “ listen to me.. you know how much I love you, right? But Gigi... she is the one... she is the only one.. in fact.. if I wasn't gay.. I would proposed..”

Louis hit him with his elbow “ hay..”

Harry laughing “ what!!.. she is gorgeous... she is a model..”

Louis hit him again “ stop"

Harry laughed again “ I'm not straight.. so thanks God"

Louis laughing “ the point is... she is a good nice lady.. and she loves you"

Harry nodded “ yeah.. that what I meant"

Zayn sighing, he put out his cigarette packet, and put out one, when he put it on his mouth, Harry took it a way “ no.. you quit..”

Zayn confused “ when?”

Harry explaining “ when I got my first attack... now stop..”

Zayn took it back “ I never quit.. I just stopped smoking when you are around..”

Harry shocked “ you deceived me.. fine... but out of here.. we just survived a fire"

Louis smiling taking one cigarette too“ let's have It outside" 

Harry looking at Louis “ oh not you too"

 

Outside , Zayn and Louis smoking, both lost in their own world, Zayn was in his worse cases, Louis remembered seeing him that scared when Zayn's mom was sick and was under surgery, of course he can't remember how he was when Harry had one, because he was lost himself,

Zayn “ I can't do this"

Louis looked at him smoking “ of course you can... come on"

Zayn “ what if she says no..”

Louis “ then it is her loss"

Zayn was nervous and shaking like a leaf

Louis “ she will never say no... you know better... you are a good man Zayn.. I might not saying it a lot... but .. I like you.. and I want to thank you.. for taking care of Harry all this time"

Zayn smiling “ he is my brother.”

Louis nodded “ you know what.. I didn't like you before"

Zayn smiled smoking “ yeah.. tell me about it"

Louis smiled too “ but all this time when I was at the States... I was unconcerned... he has you"

Zayn smiled “ do you regret it..”

Louis looking at him “ you mean quitting the States... losing my job"

Zayn nodded, but Louis shook his head “ not for one second... I know it's the right thing...and I'm not gonna lose him again"

Zayn “ you are happy... he is happy... everybody wins"

Louis smiled nodding, it was true, finally, both of them are happy, both of them found peace, one thing was only missing, he still wants to make Harry his husband again, he still has Harry's ring, he still want his husband back, and he knew they already back, but he needs to show the whole world that Harry is his again

 

Next day, the day of the opening, Harry was in front of the mirror, he was nervous, it was written on all his face, he was wearing his tuxedo, and he looked amazing, Louis was sitting on his chair in the bed room, looking at Harry, and he couldn't be more proud, Harry was there, looking perfect after the fire, he rose up again, and he build his place once more, he build what was ruined, and he was strong and Louis was proud.

He looked at Louis, then he looked at his tuxedo “ how do I look?”

Louis smiling widely “ you are dazzling baby..”

Harry smiled “ I really need to cut my hair..”

Louis standing up getting closer “ I love it this way..”

Harry was looking at Louis's eyes, Louis “ calm down... will you... every body loves the place... everyone is dyeing to get there.. the reservations were completed two days after announcing the reopening”

Harry smiling “ yeah.. yeah I know..”

Louis held both his hands “ you will make it... you always do... you are the strongest person I've ever met... and I love you so much"

Harry smiled, then he looked st the floor, taking a deep breath, Louis was concerned

“ I want to say thank you... for being there for me..” 

Harry started, Louis smiled

“ I mean... you quit your dream job... you have no job now... and you did all of this for me.. you did what I couldn't do... you sacrificed everything you had for me..”

Louis pressing on Harry's hands “ I didn't sacrifice anything... I almost lost you.. and I made an oath.. I wil never lose you again... I belong to you ..”

Harry smiling nodding “ thank you baby"

Louis smiled “ actually.. there is something missing..”

Harry was confused, when Louis put his hand on his pocket and put out Harry's old ring, Harry got emotional when he saw it

“ I think I have something yours..”

Harry nodded wiping his tears “ I think you do", 

Louis put the ring in Harry's finger “ I know what it does with your draconian heart... but I miss seeing it in your finger"

Harry laughing “ yeah right.. but" he was staring at his finger ; I think I will survive tonight...” “my precious”

 

He then looked at Louis, and he kissed him, a long soft kiss, they both needed that kiss, it was everything okay kiss, I love you kiss, you never lost me kiss, Louis finally after a long year of suffering he got Harry back to his life, no he got his own life back, they were finally happy.

At the restaurant it was a different story, Louis, Niall, Liam, Gigi, were all sitting on a table, drinking having fun, while Harry and Zayn were welcoming the guests, the place wad crowded, it looked lovely, very intimate, it felt homey, and it was a happy place,  
Harry noticed Fizzy and Lottie entering the ace, so he left his guest and headed toward him, they hugged very tightly, 

Lottie “ I love the place Harry... I'm very proud Harry"

He smiled looking around him “ thank you..”

Fizzy held his hand mouth opened in aw “ you are back..”

Lottie looking excited too, Harry smiling “ you mean this... it's mine.. always"

The girls hugged him again and then they headed to the family table, then Harry saw Zayn's mother and sister

“ oh..my God I miss you" he said it hugging his mother really tightly

She looked at him “ I miss you too... look at you... you are getting more handsome”

Harry smiling “ oh.. I really miss you" , then he hugged Zayn's sisters, and Zaun showed hugging his family very happily, it was his big day and he needed his family with him in it.

Louis syood by Harry while he was still looking at the Malik's family, Harry looked at him 

“ she is also proud of you Harry..”

Louis knew what Harry was thinking, he was thinking of his mother, and no word can explain how he was mussing her

Harry looked at Louis “ I know... I know she is.. and I know your mom too"

“ look at the place little bro..”

They both smiled and turned to face Gemma , and her three kids with Daisy and Phoebe, and Louis's little twins, 

Harry hugged Gemma, and then kissed the baby, he kissed the other two kids, together they hugged Louis's family, 

 

And the whole crew moved to sit at the big, very big table, they all took their seats, while Harry and Zayn was standing at the top of the table, every one was holding his own glasses, then a lady said 

“ you are not beginning without me"

Zayn smiled “ of course not.. come here Bella" Bella was Gigi's sister

She hugged him and she kissed Harry on the check, and she sat beside Gigi,

Harry looked at all the people who were around the table, he couldn't be any more grateful, Louis who was sitting in front of him, held his hand to give him a courage dose, 

Harry looked at him smiling, he took a deep breath, and he looked at the people who were looking at him and Zaun

“ I want to thank all of you... you the people who always mattered to us... without you around he would be nothing" 

he looked at Louis and then Gemma

“ you all know.. a year and a half... I had a heart attack.. I was scared... I made a terrible decisions, I cost my self the love of my life... and I thought I will never find happiness again.. and it kept getting worse and worse.. and 5 months ago... it was the end.. this whole place became ashes... I almost lost my life... I almost lose Louis.. and Zayn... and I promised my self that night.. if I was saved.. I won't waist any time away from the people I always loved...”

he then sighed “ every single person at this table helped me in this decision, even if it was a long conversation"

he looked at Naill, Liam, Lottie ,Gemma and Fizzy

“ or a meaning hug" he looked at the set of the twins

“ or even a phone call” he looked at Zayn's family and Gigi,

“ I can't be any more grateful for having you in my life... I got a Muslim friend who once told me... if God loves you... he will create many things to make you happy... and you people are my evidence of God's love.. so thank you for being here with us tonight... thank you for being you"

Then he smiled and they all sent him his smiles, some clapped dor him, he looked at Zayn and Zayn smiled , he whispered winking

“ it's your turn", Harry sat by Harry, who kissed him on lips and told him in his ears “ proud of you"

Zayn took a deep breath and he looked at them , he smiled “ if you are wondering... I'm the friend..”  
They all laughed

“ I can't beat what he said... you know how Harry is with words...and how I am" he looked at Harry and Harry left his thump up

“ he is right... those last months.. well years were tough... to all of us.. for me it was the worst... I almost lost my brother... and it was like hell for me.. then the work was tough for me... with my anxiety.. and Harry's condition... I was messed up .. I know"

Then he looked at Gigi “ then my dream.. I had to witness it on fire... the place that I put everything ... all my heart in it.. burned... and I felt.. I was punished... but you.. Gigi.. you never left my side... you sustained me, stood by back e, supported me, stick it out, supported me, and we suffered together... and if this taught me one thing... it's how much I love you... how much you make my life better, and here Gigi... in front of all the people we live ... I'm asking you" he put out the ring from his pocket and he was on his knee now

“ will you marry me?”

Gigi was crying now, smiling, she looked at Zayn, and she nodded, for a minute he didn't believe himself, but when the crowd yelled and cried, he believed it, he put the ring in her finger, and they kissed on the lips, then he moved to his mother and hugged her, 

Harry hugged Gigi “ congrats baby...”

She smiled ; thank you Harry"

All the people congratulated them, with kisses and hugs, Louis and Harry were looking at Zayn , he was happy, holding Gigi's hand giving hugs to the family and friends,

Harry to Louis “ it's officially one of my best days ever..”

then he looked st something behind Louis and smiled wider “ and it's getting more happier"

Louis was confused, but when he looked behind him, he saw Steve, Harry left his seat and he hand shak Steve, and then Louis headed towards them still confused, why did Harry invited him

Steve was smiling at Louis “ congratulations” he hugged him

Louis smiled but he looked confused, Harry noticed “ I invited him... “

Steve “ yeah..”

Harry “ and he has a good news"

Steve nodded “ I do... there is a job... actually the job you always wanted it..”

Louis shook his head “ I'm not leaving London"

Steve smiling “ who said leaving London?!”

Harry shrugged “ no one..”

Louis was looking at the two man waoting for explanation

Steve “ we are opening a new branch here... and I nominated you.. and the board of director was happy about it.. and they asked me .. to ask you..”

Louis was shocked, he looked at Harry , then back at Steve ,Steve “ so.. I'm asking you?”

Louis finally sighed , he passed his hand on his face “ oh my God..”

Harry was smiling “ what do you think Lou?”

Louis looked at Harry “ you knew?”

Harry shrugged, Louis then looked at Steve “ yes.. of course yes..”

Steve smiling “ then congratulations...” he then handshake Steve again, so as Harry saying “ come on in... join us"

And Steve nodded and they headed to the table, once Louis's sisters saw Steve they hugged him , even Lottie.

Louis finally looked at this table, then at his finger, and then he smiled, whispering “ thank you..” he then looked up.

 

At the end of the day, At their house, Louis was in the kitchen wearing his home pyjamas holding a wine bottle, and two glasses, he then headed to the couch where Harry was sitting covering by his favourite blanket even in march, when he saw Louis he smiled widely, and Louis sat by him, he poured wine in the two glasses, gave Harry his , and he took his glass, he looked at Harry, he looked exhausted , it was a long day , and he was amazing as usual.

“ I never know.. that I am extremely lucky.. to have you in my life..” 

Harry drinking smiling “ yeah .. too late”

Louis smiling “ you are incredible Harry"

Harry nodded “ I told you I am"

Louis sighed “ everything is perfect... I feel .. weird..”

Harry looked at him “ we deserve to be happy.. and... it's our time to finally be happy..”

Louis nodded “ I guess you are right...”

Harry nodded, he then sighed looking at the ground “ some times.. I just wish last year never happened.. I wish .. I'm healthy... no devices or worries.. we never had that divorce..”

Louis winced, but Harry “ but I'm thankful for it.. if all this didn't happen.. I will never know how much you mean to me.. how much I love the life... I want to live Lou, I want to take the risks... I want to see results of the decisions I take..” he then looked at Louis “ I want to do all this with you"

Louis nodded smiling “ we will always be together.. with our families.. friends... and maybe a kid or two”

Harry looked at him mouth opened wide “ what are you saying..”

Louis rested his back on the couch, and Harry lied on his lap “ I'm saying... why we never talked about kids?”

Harry smiled “ who are you?”

Louis smiling too “ I'm just talking.. okay...let's dream"

Harry sighed “ I want four, four kids.. two boys.. two girls.. I don't need adoptions... I need surrogate mothers..”

Louis smiled “ you really thought about it"

Harry raised his one brow “ no?...but I need the girls have your eyes... blue like ocean...”

Louis smiling ; and your curls..”

Harry nodded “ and my curls..”

Louis “ your dimples..”

Harry nodded “ your hair colour"

Louis “ your lips..”

Harry smiled “ I know you love those..”

Louis “ umhee... all the time"

Harry nodded “ okay.. your voice..”

And they spent the night talking about kids, how they will look, what names they will have, who the godfathers would be, what schools they will go, even who the kids will love more,

And that was happiness, no matter what happens next, how obstacles they will face, they know they will always have each other, have their families, and one day their kids.


End file.
